Gale's Amaranth
by spectrum700
Summary: "For Katniss:" This is what Gale tells himself when he rescues Peeta from the Capitol. Peeta's recovery and the Gale we never really knew. Loosely based on Mockingjay but hurtling towards a fresh ending, this is a story of romance, healing, and of the untold courage it takes to give the gift of eternity. (Gale's POV. First fanfiction piece!)
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1: Giving Up Everything**

_At last_, I thought, _a chance to give up everything for Katniss_. But as I sprinted down the narrow stairway, I loathed myself for giving myself up to save the baker's son. You do not infiltrate the Capitol, rescue its most valuable prisoner, and expect to get out alive.

The stairway ended and I found myself at the entrance of a long, dark passageway. The air was damp and thick with the promise of mold. I checked the time—ten minutes until the hovercraft would depart for District 13, with or without me. I squinted in the darkness, searching for signs of life, listening for human breathing. And then I caught it—a faint moan not far down the passageway. I crept toward the sound, thankful for my soft footsteps learned from years of hunting.

"Peeta?" I whispered, "Is that you?" I heard no reply and chanced a few more words. "Peeta, it's Gale. Are you down here?" The sharp intake of breath and a thin cry. I traced my fingers along the wall until they found a bar, and then another, and then the locked handle of Peeta's cell. I slipped a lockpick into the handle and wrenched the door open. Eight minutes.

"Peeta, I'm getting you out of here, but we have to go now," I whispered into the darkness. I sensed movement to my left and froze at the sight of the emaciated boy. _Where is the baker's son who impressed all of Panem with his strength? _Peeta lay curled into a ball against the wall of his cell. He turned his head to gaze up at me with wide, terrified eyes. I sank to the ground beside him.

"Peeta…" I began, but I was lost for words.

"Are you really taking me home?" he whispered, his cracked lips barely moving. I nodded.

"You… you'll need to… Here, let me help you up," I offered. Peeta laughed softly.

"They took my leg. I can't walk." Sure enough, the prosthetic leg that he had worn since his first Games had been removed, exposing Peeta's stump beneath the shreds of a pant leg that appeared to have been ripped away. I closed my eyes for a moment, trying to recompose myself, to postpone the horror of Peeta's state for just a few more minutes. _How much time? Seven minutes? Six?_

I took Peeta in my arms and carried his worn body into the passageway. As I started off in the direction from which I came, I froze at the sound of footsteps on the stairs. _Peacekeepers! _Suddenly, the passageway was flooded with light. I dashed off in the opposite direction, praying that there would be an exit on the other end. Peeta was light in my arms. At the end of the passageway, I surged through a door and found myself in a large, matted room, lined with tables of weapons. I recognized it immediately from the mandatory television recaps of the Games: the training center.

With the peacekeepers closing in on me, I lay Peeta down and seized the nearest bow and arrows.

"Drop your weapon and give up the prisoner," demanded one of the peacekeepers as they closed in on Peeta and me. _Could I kill a man?_ Shooting game was natural. Illegal, as I knew better than anyone, but forgivable. _To hell with forgiveness._ I launched three arrows in quick succession, taking down the peacekeepers cleanly through their hearts.

_Three minutes_. "We're going to make it, Peeta," I encouraged him as I scooped him back up into my arms and took off toward the door. I carried him down another passageway and at last toward sunlight. There was the hovercraft, soaring into view. There was the ladder, just yards away. I raced for it with all of the speed that I could muster, giving the last of my strength, _for Katniss._ As soon as my fingertips grazed the first rung, electricity seized my body, gluing Peeta and me to the ladder as it gracefully swept us into the sky.

And there was the pain between my shoulder blades, swift and sharp, lodging itself in my back.

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**First fanfiction—please review! (It will only take a moment and it will mean a lot to me.) Many more chapters to follow. Thank you so much for reading!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2: Broken**

I woke to find myself in the back of the hovercraft, lying face-down and shirtless on a cold metal table. Warm, latex-covered fingers taped something onto my back—_a bandage?_

"There you are, Mr. Hawthorne. That should hold until we get back to District 13. It was quite a wound, but that's the best we can do, and you should be fine."

I turned my head to look at the kindly nurse standing next to me.

"What happened?" I asked. I tried to sit up, but a fierce pain in my back made me gasp.

"Your shoulder was grazed by a knife just as you reached the hovercraft ladder. It was probably thrown by a peacekeeper. You were lucky that your fingers reached the ladder just in time for the electric current to grab you since you passed out almost immediately. And of course, you were lucky that Peeta was not hurt. We patched up the wound the best we could, and when we reach District 13 a doctor will give you some proper stitches and something for the pain."

"Sounds good," I said as I forced myself into a sitting position on the edge of the table. "And thanks for your care."

The nurse smiled appreciatively. "You're probably worried about Peeta," she said. _Peeta. _His chaotic rescue came rushing back to me. _The emaciated boy in the cell. For Katniss. _

"His leg..." I began, the horror of Peeta's condition rushing back to me. The nurse nodded sympathetically.

"Not to worry. We'll arrange for a new prosthetic in District 13."

"Okay," I replied, the true gravity of Peeta's condition only beginning to dawn on me. I didn't like him particularly much-it's next to impossible to befriend the boy competing for the love of the girl you thought you'd marry. I would never have wished the suffering upon him that he must have faced at the Capitol. But the thought of Katniss's reaction to this damaged Peeta... _She won't be able to hold on. He looks half-dead and he's probably closer to fate than that. Poor guy could hardly speak when I found him, and the leg... And what if she blames me for not rescuing him sooner? What if he doesn't make it and she decides this is my fault?_

"You can see him if you like," said the nurse. "But walk slowly and be careful of your back."

I took a few cautious steps forward and then followed the nurse behind a curtain. Peeta lay on a second examination table, curled up into a ball with his eyes closed the way I found him in the Capitol. Someone had covered him with a white blanket and washed the dirt from his hair and face.

The nurse consulted her clipboard and then motioned to Peeta, speaking softly. "We're trying to keep him hydrated. He doesn't have the strength for solid food yet, so we've been giving him broth. He seems to have been beaten up quite a bit in the Capitol, but none of those injuries are life-threatening, so we'll deal with them in District 13. The most we can do for now is just to clean him up a bit and try to help him gain some strength back. He should make a full recovery, thanks to you."

I nodded, but did not take my eyes off of Peeta. There was a terror in his ragged breathing that I couldn't reconcile with the nurse's confidence, a hopelessness in the way he huddled beneath the blanket, as if expecting a blow in his sleep. _He's broken, and who is to say how badly?_

"Can I sit with him?" I asked the nurse.

"Absolutely. I'll be checking in on some other soldiers who are a bit scraped up, so just know that I won't be far if you need something."

"Thank you."

The nurse exited the curtained room and I took a seat beside Peeta. My back screamed when I bent toward him. _Come on, kid. After all this, you have to make it._

"Gale?" he whispered, slowly opening his eyes. "It's you, right?"

"Yeah, it's me." At this, Peeta managed a thin smile.

"I never thought you of all people would come to rescue me."

I laughed darkly, but my breath halted against the pain in my back. "Well, I guess you thought wrong," I muttered, reaching over my left shoulder to touch my bandages._ One heck of a patch-up job_. But it was for Katniss, so I couldn't complain.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

"Yeah. Don't worry about me. You're the one who has been spending too much quality time with the Capitol's peacekeepers." He shivered. "Katniss will be happy to see you," I added. "She hasn't been the same without you." As soon as the words were out of my mouth, I wished that I could take them back. _Katniss has been under lots of pressure lately. It's not just Peeta's absence that's been hurting her. She would have forgotten him eventually_. But I couldn't quite believe myself.

"I don't want to see her!" Peeta gasped. He tried to sit up, only to crumple back down onto the table. I stared at him in shock.

"But we rescued you for Katniss! Do you really think I would have risked my life pulling you out of that place if it weren't for her?"

Peeta's breathing quickened and beads of sweat began to form on his face. "I don't care why you rescued me, I don't want to see her! She'll hurt me, like she always does."

"Well, if you don't want to see her, then I guess you don't have to." _It's not like I care._

"Okay," Peeta whispered, his breathing slowing as he sank back into the blanket. _He's broken in ways we don't understand. This is not the baker's son._

"Peeta… what did they do to you?"

He shook his head almost imperceptibly and closed his eyes. A lonely tear wandered down his cheek.

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	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3: Windows**

I spent the remainder of the trip back to District 13 in the observatory, a small room with a glass floor and windows in the rear of the hovercraft. Beneath me, Panem slipped past-factories and mines, rivers and fields. I had missed this on the trip out to the Capitol. That journey had been consumed by tactical meetings and military preparations. Now, I gazed down at lands that I had never seen. _A Seam kid dreams of proper food and shelter, not travels to the Capitol._

The nurse cracked open the observatory door and poked her head inside.

"Twenty minutes until landing. Beautiful view, isn't it?"

"Yeah," I agreed. "I've never seen any of this before."

"District 13 soldiers tend to travel," she said. "You'll have your chance."

"I hope so," I said wistfully.

"Here," she said, tossing me a clean white t-shirt. "Put that on. And do you think you could help Peeta? I still have to check in with a few more soldiers before landing."

I glanced out the window. We were coming up on the mines of District 12. The hot claustrophobia of my days in the mines came rushing back to me. A nightmare I never really shared with Katniss. _Not a place I ever want to see again._

"Sure. Is he still upstairs where I met him earlier?"

"That's the place," she said, and handed me another t-shirt. "That one is for Peeta."

I followed the nurse out of the observatory and slipped behind the curtain into Peeta's examination room. He was sitting up now, leaning against the wall and still wrapped in the blanket.

"Hey Peeta," I greeted him. "Did you get a chance to look out at all? It's a neat view."

He smiled sadly. "Not this time. But I've seen it, more times than I've care to."

"Right," I replied, as brightly as I could manage. _Katniss would want you to be kind to him. He's been through a lot._

"Gale?" He asked, more confidently than I've heard him since the rescue.

"Yes?"

"I know that I said I didn't want to see her earlier, but would it be okay if I see Katniss when we get back to District 13?"

This made me laugh out loud. "I don't think you'll have a choice in the matter, Peeta. She's going to insist on seeing you no matter what." It was all I could do not to turn bitter at this thought.

"Here," I changed the topic, passing him the t-shirt. "That's from the nurse."

"Thanks." He reached out to take the shirt, his fingers trembling from the effort.

"Need a hand?" I offered.

"No, I'm fine. In fact, do you mind giving me some privacy so I can slip this on?"

"Sure... But it's just a shirt, Peeta."

"I know. Thanks, Gale."

"I'll be right outside. Call me when you're done." I stepped out of the room to wait. _I never realized the kid was so shy. _

I leaned back against the wall, slowly so as not to disturb my bandages. _It will be nice to see Katniss, to show her that I'm okay. She must be worried about me. _I had to believe that much.

Something crashed behind the curtain.

"Peeta? Are you okay?"

"Help," he gasped. I threw the curtain open and dashed inside. Peeta lay on the floor beside the table, his leg tangled in the blanket. He tried to push himself up into a sitting position, but his arms gave out and he collapsed, panting. I knelt down beside him and supported his back with my arm as he sat up slowly.

"Thanks," he whispered. "I lost my balance and fell."

"No kidding. You're okay, right?"

"Yeah," he smiled. _Good. I don't have the energy to be his nurse. _But as soon as the thought crossed my mind, I was flooded with guilt. _For Katniss. Always for Katniss, everything for Katniss. _

"Come on. Let's get you changed into that fresh shirt." Peeta sighed and I felt his weight sink into my arms, as though he had just given up a battle. "What is it now?" I asked as I untangled Peeta from the blanket. Peeta said nothing, but followed the motions of my hands with his eyes. When the blanket fell away from his chest, he looked up at me. It was the first time I had seen him since the rescue that his expression was perfectly blank.

"Don't tell anyone," he whispered, his scared chest heaving as his breathing quickened. "They can't know. Promise me you won't tell!" But all I could think about were the thick red marks that draped over his shoulders, cousins to the ones that decorated my back. _What has he been through?_

"Lift your arms," I ordered. Cautiously, he raised his hands into the air. "Straighter," I added. His arms quivered as he struggled to reach higher. "Thanks," I whispered as I slipped the fresh shirt over his arms and head, letting the fabric fall over his shredded skin like the curtain descending on a tragic scene.

The intercom buzzed to life overhead, notifying all passengers that we would be landing in five minutes.

"Do you want to talk about it?" I asked. Peeta shook his head.

"You've been through it-at least, that part of it. You know what it's like. It was just... often."

We sat in silence for a few minutes, not looking at each other. _Poor kid. He must have been terrified. Then again, he's been through the Games twice. There can't be much pain he doesn't know... or that Katniss doesn't know._ This thought took me off-guard. _She must have seen so much that I will never, ever be able to imagine. That I can never share with her. _I banished this thought to the back of my brain and refocused myself on Peeta._  
_

"We'll be landing any moment now. I'll have to carry you into District 13, but then the doctors will arrange for a new prosthetic."

"Okay. Thanks," Peeta said, and allowed me to wrap him in the blanket and gather him in my arms. I lifted him off the ground and carefully slipped past the curtain into the hallway. My back screamed as I carried Peeta toward the hovercraft exit where the other soldiers were gathering to disembark.

"Soldier Hawthorne! Thanks for taking Peeta."

I nodded respectfully to the captain. "Not a problem," I said, fighting the urge to cave into the pain wedged into the back of my ribcage. I glanced down at Peeta, whose eyes were wide as he took in his surroundings. "Just the other troops," I assured him.

"You're sure that I can see Katniss?"

"Of course you can see Katniss. I'm sure she's waiting for you right now. And me, too."

The hovercraft landed softly in the District 13 hangar. A ramp lowered, flooding the hovercraft entrance with cold white light. I walked with the current of bodies toward the ramp, doing my best to avoid jostling Peeta. The pain in my back seemed to grow with every step. And then the ramp, the clattering of footsteps, the blackness closing in. The metal floor sideways, closer, against my face, harsh and ringing as I collapsed into peaceful darkness.

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	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4: Arrivals**

"What were you thinking? Trying to carry that boy after that knife practically dug a piece out of your shoulder?" _Leave it to a District 13 doctor to be on my case before the morphling even wears off_. I was still drowsy, but managed to sit upright in bed.

"He couldn't walk. I didn't think it would be a problem to carry him, and there wasn't anyone else around to help. He wasn't heavy."

The doctor sighed, feigning exasperation. "So be it. But take it easy for a while, give your body a chance to heal. You'll be needed in combat soon, and you'll be worthless without both lungs intact."

"I'll rest," I promised. This was logic I could understand. _By now, Katniss probably has Peeta safe in bed, all wrapped up in blankets with a mug of hot chocolate. _My assistance would not be needed.

The doctor made some notes on his clipboard. "Would you like some more morphling before I leave? It's the same stuff that we gave you after you passed out on the ramp with Mr. Mellark."

"No thanks," I declined. _I don't need to be sedated. Pain doesn't scare me._ The doctor shrugged.

"Suit yourself. Hit the call button next to your bed for a nurse if you need anything." He tucked his clipboard under his arm and walked toward the door.

"Wait," I stopped him as he reached for the doorknob.

"Yes, Mr. Hawthorne?"

"Has Katniss come to see me?"

"Not yet, Mr. Hawthorne. She is undoubtedly busy with Mr. Mellark or with other matters of the revolution."

"Okay." I bit my lip and averted my eyes to the floor. _Busy with Mr. Mellark. Right._

"Mr. Hawthorne, you have only been here for a few hours. I'm sure she'll come to visit as soon as she has the chance. You're her family, after all."

I nodded and closed my eyes. _This hoax again_. As far as District 13 was concerned, Katniss and I were cousins, irreparably separated by the bond of blood.

"Call if you need anything, or if you change your mind about the morphling," the doctor reminded me before exiting and closing the door firmly behind him. I was left alone in the hospital room, lying on a thin mattress and surrounded by softly beeping machinery. At least this time I had a blanket to keep me warm from the chilly, filtered District 13 air. Under the soothing power of the morphling, the pain in my shoulder was reduced to a dull throb.

_Katniss will come. It's only natural that she would want to see Peeta first- he's been in captivity, but she just saw you yesterday. He's in worse shape, too._

The thought of Peeta's condition haunted me. The boy irritated me, but that was for the sake of his love for Katniss. He was a good kid, innocent, sheltered. The boy who frosted beautiful cakes back in District 12, who was raised to never know hunger. _Who could hurt Peeta Mellark? Katniss is the rebel, and even she practically needs to be coerced for every Mockingjay video that District 13 shoots. Peeta and Katniss had known nothing of the rebellion. The Capitol must have realized this._

It was the scars that bothered me the most. I knew what it felt like to be bound to a post and to hold back screams as the flesh was whipped from my back. I knew what it felt like to hang helplessly by my wrists as the blows fell faster and harder, spilling my blood and seizing my pride. I knew what it felt like to wake up each morning and avoid the mirror that would remind me in daylight of the nightmare. But Peeta's scars had been more densely packed than mine. They had tumbled over his shoulders and onto his chest and his arms. _It's no wonder he was ashamed of them_.

My thoughts were disturbed by the commotion that erupted in the hallway, just beyond my door. Rising voices and hastened footsteps rushed past.

_"He couldn't have! Peeta Mellark? It can't be!" _

_"But it's true. He tried to strangle Katniss."_

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**Thank you so much for reading! This is my first fanfiction, and I'm having so much fun with it. Please review-I will really appreciate it!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5: Closed Doors**

I lay in the hospital for two days, but Katniss never came to visit me. I was able to assemble the gist of her meeting with Peeta from the hesitant comments of the doctors and nurses who filtered through my room. She had gone to him, he had attempted to strangle her. She had been placed on a morphling drip with a team of doctors checking in on her as she recovered from her minor bruises, just to be safe, since she was the Mockingjay. And somewhere in the hospital, Peeta was strapped down and sedated, a prisoner of his own delusions.

On the evening of the second day, a nurse informed me that I could return to my usual residence and continue with my training. "But be careful of that shoulder," she warned me. "It's possible that the wound could become infected. Unlikely, but possible. So make sure you return for treatment if you are ever in severe pain."

"I will. Where can I find Katniss? Is she still in the hospital?"

"You must be so worried about your cousin," the nurse said, smiling sadly. "Katniss is doing well and was released yesterday. At this hour, you would probably be best to try her usual residence." She snipped off my medical bracelet with a thin pair of scissors and offered me a hand as I climbed out of the bed and took my first few steps. The pain in my shoulder was present but muted.

"And Peeta," I added, just before I reached the door. "Is he okay?"

"Room 19. Check in at the nurses' station before you visit to make sure he's in a mental state for guests."

"So he's struggling?"

The nurse glanced up at me as though she were evaluating something. "Yes, Mr. Hawthorne," she said finally. "He's struggling, and I doubt we understand how much. Please try to visit him."

"Okay," I replied, although the prospect of spending more time with the Peeta was not appealing. I thanked the nurse again and departed.

From the hospital, I went straight to Katniss's room and knocked on the door.

"Just a second!" Prim called from inside. "Who's there?"

"It's Gale... is Katniss there?"

Prim unbolted the door and leaned out. Her blonde hair was loose and cascading about her shoulders. Shadows hung beneath her eyes, as though she hadn't been sleeping.

"Gale! I'm glad you're back safely. Katniss and I were worried."

"No need to worry about me," I insisted nonchalantly. "I wanted to check in on Katniss. I've been hearing some wild stories about her and Peeta. I wanted to make sure that she was okay."

"Katniss will be okay," Prim reassured me. "She's strong. And Peeta is, too. I'm on the medical team that is putting together a treatment plan for him."

"He's in good hands."

"I hope so." A pregnant pause filled the doorway between us. Prim watched me carefully, as though she were evaluating something. I tried to remain natural, but found that my muscles had tensed. Finally, Prim spoke. "She hasn't said anything to you, has she." It wasn't a question.

"No. To be honest, I was a little surprised when she didn't visit me in the hospital."

Prim smiled. "Katniss marches to the beat of her own drum. She'll come and find you when she's ready to talk. Until then, you need to give her space."

"Can I wait for her here?"

"No, Gale. She's been recuperating, and she'll come and find you when the time is right."

"So it's true then."

"What's true?"

"That he... that Peeta... tried to strangle her?"

Prim sighed and smiled sadly at me. Her big, melancholy, blue eyes nearly broke my heart. "That wasn't Peeta, Gale. Peeta is good, all the way through. We're going to fix him... make him whole for Katniss again."

I glared at Prim. "I see how it is." I turned to leave, but Prim reached out and put her hand on my arm.

"Gale. I know that you want what's best for Katniss. And I know this is hard for you. But you have to let her go. She needs Peeta right now. She needs him to heal. If you want to help Katniss, you'll help Peeta. If you and Katniss are meant to be together, then things will work out that way."

I gazed at Prim with fresh eyes. The small Seam girl had wisdom beyond her years.

"I hope so, Prim. I hope so."

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**Thank you so much for reading! Many more chapters on the way. Reviews are greatly appreciated!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

"Don't worry about Katniss, hon. She's having a rough week. Just give her space," my mother advised me at dinner. I stirred my bowl of stew, searching for a piece of meat with no luck. At least it was a full meal, something I had never known until I arrived in District 13.

"What makes you think I'm upset about Katniss?" I asked, feigning confusion.

"Because you're my son," she said, "and so I know that the only thing that gets to you is that girl. She'll come around, sweetheart. You two are meant for each other. Everyone in District 12 could see it."

"But we're not in District 12 anymore," I muttered, stabbing a vegetable with my fork.

"No. We're in District 13 and you still have half a bowl of stew in front of you. Finish up."

I rolled my eyes good-naturedly and gulped down the rest of my stew, mostly potato chunks that had settled at the bottom of the bowl. When I finished, my mother took my bowl and returned it to the dish bin with her own.

"Would you like me to watch the kids tonight? I don't have any meetings."

My mother smiled. "I can watch your siblings. You should visit Peeta. That boy must be terribly lonely, and you must be concerned about him."

I shrugged. "Not really. He'll be fine." _He'll have Katniss, most likely._

"Gale," my mother said sternly. "Don't let your disappointment over Katniss come between you and doing the right thing."

"Fine," I conceded. "I'll visit him."

As soon as I agreed to see Peeta, I regretted it. But my mother asked little of me, and dishonoring my agreement was not an option. We walked out of the dining hall together and then parted ways, my mother returning to our residence and myself navigating the corridors of District 13 to find the hospital.

Per the nurse's instructions from earlier this evening, I stopped to check in at the nurse's station. One of the nurses was skimming through a spreadsheet on the computer when I approached.

"I'm here to visit Peeta Mellark in Room 19."

"Your name?"

"Gale Hawthorne."

The nurse flipped back through the spreadsheet and checked a few columns.

"You're cleared to visit him. Room 19 is just down the hall. He should be awake now and a doctor will be visiting him again shortly, but you are welcome to see him for a few minutes. He has been calm for most of the afternoon, but if he acts up, use the call button beside his bed and someone will come to help you."

"Thank you." I set off down the hall toward Peeta's room.

"No, Mr. Hawthorne. Thank you. Goodness knows the poor boy could use a friend tonight."

I knocked softly on Peeta's door and entered his room. The white walls and tile floor did little to soften the harsh lighting of District 13. It was a small room with a nurse's stand beside the door and Peeta's bed centered against the opposite wall. On each side of his bed was a table loaded with medical equipment. A chair had been placed against the left wall and what appeared to be a mirror stretched the length of the right wall.

"Gale," Peeta whispered. It was not a question, but a statement of my presence, as though he were informing himself that I was there.

"Hey." I pulled the chair over to the side of his bed and sat down. "I heard that you might want some company."

Peeta closed his eyes. He had been strapped securely to the bed, held down by his wrists, ankles, and chest. Next to the blanket draped over the foot of his bed, I caught the glint of a new prosthetic leg.

"I don't understand why they're punishing me," he said, his voice barely audible.

"You aren't being punished, Peeta."

"I'm strapped down in a room full of medical instruments. They're going to hurt me, Gale." He was not fearful, but resigned.

"Nobody is going to hurt you," I assured him. _Quite the contrary, Peeta. You're some kind of war hero in District 13. Even Katniss was willing to give my life for yours, if that was what it took to save you. _"Look, you tried to kill Katniss. Nobody understands what's going on in your head, but you're not the Peeta we used to know. That's why you're here. You need help, but we have to keep Katniss safe."

"But she tried to kill me in the Games! She used me, Gale! She's an evil mutt! Why isn't she the one strapped down somewhere? Why doesn't anyone here realize how cruel she is?"

"Katniss is not cruel." I glared at him. "Katniss saved your life in the Games. Look, Peeta," I took a deep breath, forcing myself to be gentle. "She's not evil. She doesn't want to kill anyone, except maybe President Snow, and that's only because he hurt you."

Peeta clenched his fists, but the restraints on his wrists held fast, digging against his skin until he relaxed his arms again.

"You're defending her, and yet you rescued me. I don't understand."

"I rescued you _for_ Katniss, because..." _She n__eeds you. No. She needs me, her closest friend since childhood. _"...she missed you. She refused to be the Mockingjay unless you were safe in District 13."

"So that she can have another chance to kill me."

"No, Peeta. No."

We sat in silence, lost in our thoughts on Katniss Everdeen. _Where is she? Shouldn't she be the one in here right now, keeping him company and helping to sort out this mess? Does she even realize how lost he is? _Peeta closed his eyes again, tightly this time, as though he were trying to block out everything around him. He began to tremble.

"You're afraid of being in the hospital. Why?" I demanded.

He did not open his eyes. "It's like being in the Capitol. Medical equipment, restraints, bright lights. A nurse even tried to give me an injection. They'll probably have to send someone else to hurt me later, because I screamed and thrashed around and she got scared and ran away." He smiled at this thought. "They'll give me a higher dosage later I'm sure, but it was worth it to escape for once."

"They gave you morphing in the Capitol?" I asked, assuming that the nurse had tried to give him the pain-killing sedative.

"What? No, it couldn't have been. No Games victor would seek refuge in the poison they gave me."

"Peeta... No one is going to poison you here."

"But..." The door swung open, cutting Peeta off. A woman in a long white coat walked in, carrying a syringe.

"Good evening, Mr. Mellark. I'm Dr. Lewis. I'm a mental health specialist and I will be working with the other doctors here in District 13 to put a treatment plan together for you." Dr. Lewis glanced at me. "I don't believe we've met?"

"Gale Hawthorne." I stood to shake Dr. Lewis's hand. "I was just keeping Peeta company until you came, but I'll be heading off now." I turned to say goodbye to Peeta, but his petrified eyes were glued on Dr. Lewis.

"Stay away!" Peeta cried out. "Don't touch me! Gale," he called, breaking down into tears. "Please don't leave me here." Dr. Lewis shot me a questioning look.

"Dr. Lewis, I think he's afraid because you're holding a syringe," I explained.

"Mr. Mellark, this is a diluted dose of morphling, just to help you relax during our meeting," said Dr. Lewis.

"It won't hurt you," I added. Peeta's sobs quieted, but his eyes remained wide with fear. I walked over to his bed and took his hand. "Trust me."

"You rescued me from the Capitol," he whispered through his tears.

"Yes."

"I'll try to trust you, then." Peeta closed his eyes and I nodded to the doctor. I watched as Dr. Lewis injected the liquid into Peeta's forearm, and I squeezed Peeta's hand tighter when he whimpered at the sensation. _For Katniss. _

"Thank you," Dr. Lewis mouthed to me.

Almost instantly, Peeta's breathing slowed to a regular pace and his muscles relaxed. He opened his eyes slowly and took in the room, Dr. Lewis, and me. I let go of his hand.

"I should go," I said, walking toward the door.

"Gale," Peeta said quietly as the doctor took a seat beside him. "Come back again soon, okay?"

I slipped silently out of the room without replying.

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	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

I had hoped to eat breakfast alone for some time to think, but almost as soon as I had settled down with my bowl of oatmeal, Finnick joined my table with a young woman in tow. I had never been formally introduced to Finnick, but I knew him from the Games and I had spotted him at a handful of military strategy meetings since his arrival in District 13.

"Gale Hawthorne, right?" He asked as he pulled out a chair for his companion.

"Yes. Finnick Odair?"

"That's the name." He leaned across the table conspiratorially. "And I hope you're not going to pretend that you're Katniss's cousin around me. That reality television performance that she's had going with Peeta might fool every purple-haired lemming in the Capitol, but it doesn't fool me."

I grinned, instantly at ease with Finnick. "You're the first person I've met here in District 13 who hasn't believed it. It's about time somebody saw through that one."

"If you were her actually her cousin, she would listen to her instincts and let herself fall in love with Peeta Mellark. You know, the other boy from your district?"

"Yes," I replied curtly. I diverted my attention back to my oatmeal.

"Hey now. Take it easy. It's only breakfast," he reminded me. "Have you met Annie Cresta, my beautiful bride-to-be?"

"It's a pleasure to meet you," I replied, grateful for the change in subject. I extended my hand to Annie, but instead of shaking it, she shrunk back against her chair. Finnick set down his spoon and wrapped both of his arms around her, pulling her closer. I retracted my hand and shot Finnick a questioning glance. He whispered something in Annie's ear, and she seemed to relax, although she avoided eye contact with me for the rest of the meal.

"She just arrived in District 13 a few days ago," Finnick explained slowly, as though he were choosing his words with great care. "Soldiers on the same mission that rescued Peeta brought her home."

"We would have been on the hovercraft together then," I said, watching Annie cautiously. She was staring distantly at the wall behind me, but clinging to Finnick's arm as he took her hand.

"You saved Peeta?"

"My team covered most of the strategic planning, but they sent me in."

Finnick nodded, his forehead creasing slightly at some unknown sobering thought. "How is Peeta?"

I glanced tellingly at Annie and shook my head slightly. _It can't be pleasant for her to hear this conversation._ Finnick sighed. _Just ho__w well did he know Peeta?_

"Can I visit him?" Finnick asked.

"You can try. They cleared me to see him, but he's... sensitive. Check in at the nurse's station and they can tell you what's going on."

Finnick and I each directed our attention to our oatmeal. I scooped the mush from side to side, building mountains and then flattening them with the bottom of my spoon. _If I knew Finnick better, I could ask him about the Games. I could ask him about Peeta and Annie. Peeta never mentioned her. Then again, I hardly know anything about Peeta or what he went through. He might not even know exactly what he endured himself. And Finnick could tell me about Katniss, about the nature of her real relationship with Peeta. Then again, maybe it's better if I don't know about that. If Katniss loved him in the Games, she loved the baker's son. The baker's son doesn't exist anymore._

I glanced up when Finnick moved to clear his and Annie's bowls. "We'll be heading out now," he said. "Breakfast was a pleasure."

I did my best to produce a smile, for Annie's sake. "It was lovely to meet you," I told her. She refused to meet my gaze.

"Gale... about Katniss and Peeta..." Finnick began. My back straightened to attention, sending pain shooting through my left shoulder. "Don't try to rush Katniss. She'll make the right decision on her own, whatever that is. And be kind to Peeta. He once loved Katniss with everything that he was. He's been through trauma that you could never imagine. But if somewhere deep down he still loves Katniss the way he did in the Games... Then for Katniss's sake, let him."

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	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

District 13 kept me busy with a constant frenzy of meetings and training sessions. I rose early each morning to run with the other soldiers and slowly awakened to the pattering of our footsteps through the woods, crushing dewey grass and snapping fallen branches. Then a quick breakfast, followed by a day of meetings for military strategy, rebellion propaganda, and weapons development. The weapons meetings were the least structured and therefore my favorite. They were informal and usually consisted of me and Beetee alone on a lower floor, experimenting with various explosives. I could drop the air of professionalism that I had been working so hard to perfect for my role as Soldier Hawthorne. I could be Gale, simple and sharp. In the evenings, I had time to myself. I was supposed to leave this time open for spontaneous meetings and emergencies, but since Peeta's rescue this time had generally been left unclaimed.

This evening had been left free. I finished my dinner at leisure and walked my dishes over to the washing bin. On my way out of the dining hall, Plutarch Heavensbee called me over to the edge of the corridor.

"Soldier Hawthorne, just one moment if you please." I hastened over to Plutarch, who pulled me into a shadowed corner.

"Is there a meeting scheduled for tonight?"

"Not quite. But I thought you might be interested to know that developments have been made on Peeta's condition."

"Developments?"

"Yes. His doctors believe that he was hijacked in the Capitol."

"Hijacked?" I thought back to my visit to Peeta. "Did this involve needles?"

"You're sharp. Yes. He was injected with tracker jacker venom, and then probably made to watch videos of Katniss from the Games." Plutarch dropped his voice. "The Capitol would have tried to pollute his memories of her, to present the scenes in a light that would portray her as his enemy and a murderer."

"An evil mutt," I whispered. Plutarch nodded. "Can Peeta be cured?"

"His doctors aren't sure. They want to try exposing him to some positive memories of District 12, to see if this can stabilize him. I thought you might be able to recommend someone for him to speak to. Someone he wouldn't associate with Katniss."

"I hardly know Peeta," I said. "I'm probably not the best person to ask about this."

"Soldier Hawthorne, there are few survivors from District 12. Just take your best guess. Someone you don't think would trigger hijacked memories."

I paused for a moment to think, sifting through all of the people I knew in District 12. _No one from the Seam... then again, Peeta wouldn't know many people from there, he was the baker's son. He never knew what it was like to be hungry. But who from the merchants' families? _I tried to remember my classmates, from before I quit school to hunt and work in the mines.

"You could try Delly Cartwright," I suggested. "She always seemed like a nice girl, but Katniss and I never knew her well."

"Delly Cartwright," Plutarch affirmed. "I'll go find her. We're going to see if she can talk to him later tonight. You can watch if you like. Room 18 is an observation room. There will probably be a few other rebellion leaders there with the doctors, and possibly Katniss."

_Katniss._ Finnick's words came rushing back to me: _"Don't try to rush Katniss_._" But I won't be rushing her. She won't have to make a decision between me and Peeta. But maybe she'll be willing to talk for a bit. Maybe when she sees what a mess the baker's son has become, she'll give me a chance. I'm the one meant for Katniss, the one who can defend her and make sure that she is never hungry. I'm the one who would never try to strangle her, who would never sink to calling her a mutt, no matter what the Capitol did to me. I would have fought back. I'm stronger than Peeta._

"I'll be there," I told Plutarch. "Thank you for the update on Peeta. I hope everything works out tonight." But there was a part of me that did not want the baker's son to ever be himself again.

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	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

I took a seat in the shadows of the far side of the observation room. It filled slowly with doctors and rebellion leaders, and I recognized a few familiar faces from meetings. Plutarch spotted me and nodded, but was occupied in conversation with Haymitch. I was just another member of the rebellion. Still, I felt out of place. I wasn't here out of concern for Peeta, but to see Katniss's reaction to his insanity. _I'm cruel for coming. But I don't need forgiveness. Death is far away, but Katniss is my here-and-now._

And there she was. I shrunk farther into the shadows. She didn't need to see me here, to guess why I would come to watch Delly interact with Peeta. She exchanged a few words with Plutarch and Haymitch, and then walked over to the glass to look in on Peeta.

I followed her lead and gazed in through the one-way window. _Does he have any idea how many people are watching him right now? Does he even realize that he can be watched, that there is a guard in this room at all times, that he has no privacy? _Peeta lay quietly in his bed, staring up at the ceiling. He was still strapped to the bed. Behind him was a disconnected IV drip stand, a new addition to his room since my visit. _How had the doctors subdued him well enough to bring that into the room?_ I wondered what one thought about when strapped to a hospital bed. It was a sort of solitary confinement, no matter how many doctors insisted it was for his well-being. He was strapped down for Katniss, drugged for Katniss, imprisoned for Katniss. _It's no wonder he thinks she's a mutt. If the Capitol has already made him crazy, this must just make it worse._

The din of chatter in the observation room quieted when Delly cautiously entered Peeta's room. A speaker near the door spouted their conversation into the observation room. While Katniss, the doctors, and the rebellion leaders gathered close to listen, I remained in my corner, content to watch the scene without the disturbance of audio. I focused on Delly's body language, the way she walked carefully while keeping her chin up, pretending confidence. She appeared to be measuring her words carefully, probably trying to avoid any topic that might set Peeta into panic. At first, he seemed happy to see her. He strained a bit against his chest strap to get a better look at his friend as she walked toward him, conversing. And then an expression of fear crossed his face, and he began to yank at his restraints with all of his might. Delly backed toward the door. Even without the speaker, I could hear him screaming, warning Delly and insisting that Katniss was a mutt.

_Yes, he is crazy. Broken, and irreparably crazy. Even Katniss must be able to tell._

When Delly finally bolted from the room, Plutarch and Haymitch stepped out to find her. Katniss and the rebellion leaders trickled out as well, but I remained in my corner, watching as several doctors and nurses entered Peeta's room. As he screamed and thrashed, they pinned him against the bed and tightened his restraints, completely immobilizing him. The strap across his chest was pulled so tightly that I wondered if he could breathe. His screams morphed from warning to terror as a nurse plunged the IV needle into his forearm and taped it down. A clear liquid from the bag on the IV stand began to trickle into his arm, calming his body until he lay still. I tried to keep it in, but my heart went out to him.

After the hospital staff departed, I left my corner in the observation room and slipped into Peeta's room. I pulled up the chair and sat down beside him.

"You awake?" I asked softly.

"Gale?" Peeta whispered, opening his eyes. They were red from crying. "What are you doing here?"

"I just wanted to check in on you, to make sure you were okay."

Peeta began to cough, gasping for air. I walked over to the sink and brought back a glass of water. Slowly, I helped Peeta lift his head from the pillow with one hand while tilting the cup into his mouth, letting the water trickle onto his tongue. When the water was gone, I set the glass down on the IV stand. Peeta and I looked at each other, both of us unable to find the words we needed.

"Thanks for the water," he whispered. I shrugged. He continued, his words breaking against his labored breathing as the sedative began to overwhelm him. "In the Capitol... where they kept me... it was so damp and cold and there were no blankets... Johanna would cough all night..."

"Johanna... from the Games? She was there with you?"

"Yeah. I think someone else rescued her. Gale..." his voice trailed off and he gazed up at me with deeply wounded eyes.

"What?"

"She survived two Games. I watched the tape of her first round with Katniss... She never screamed in the arena... not once. But in the Capitol... they broke her. They broke all of us... You can't imagine what it was like... and every day you tell yourself... for Katniss... until you lose her..."

He closed his eyes and succumbed to the sedative coursing through his veins.

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	10. Chapter 10

_Tick, tock, this is a clock._

_Running, as fast as feet know how. Trees, left, right, left, right, run! I'm being hunted. I'm a deer, I'm a rabbit, skip! No? Trees, left, right, left, right, running, running, I promise I'm running, always running._

_Tick, tock, this is a clock._

_Screams, everywhere. Birds biting at my ears, flying with me as I run, running, I promise Katniss! Katniss screaming, everywhere is Katniss screaming. Trees, left, right, left, right, jump! Birds biting, left, right. Forwards, sky. Stretching above me, sprinkled with stars, no, more birds! More screams of Katniss, is she safe?, must fly, like a bird. Must run, keep running, left, right. Where is heaven, is it up there? Can I see it? Can't look, can't trip. Will it take me? Heaven, take me! Take me! Let me leave the screaming birds! Katniss, where is Katniss, everywhere not-Katniss, where is my need-Katniss? Running, running, I promise, I'm running._

_Tick, tock, this is a clock._

_I won't tell them, Peeta! I won't tell. Just make the birds stop. 'Gale where are you' I can't answer, Katniss, don't you see? I'm trapped in a world of running, no where to go but up to heaven and heaven won't take me so left right left right. I'm just a boy from District 12, don't you know? Only run, that's all we do, being hunted, where's the deer, I'm a deer, Katniss is dear, forgive me! Have to shoot the deer, where's an arrow? Can't find a bow, can't find a mockingjay, only the screaming birds, everywhere. Peeta, talk to the screaming birds and make them stop!_

_Tick, tock, this is a clock._

_Left, right, left, right, trees, running. Sand? Sand! Beach in my feet, I have two, did you know? I still have two! Water, sweet water, birds away and just me and water and heaven. Take me, Heaven. Forgive me, Heaven, I didn't know any better. It was only a dear, Heaven, I didn't know! I'll run into the water, see? Running into the water, left, right. Swimming like a District 12 boy, the boy from the Seam, the boy with no father, no one's boy, running like a deer into the water, forgive me!_

_Tick, tock, this is a clock._

_Fire on the shore, I'll run to the shore. My mockingjay is on the shore, no longer screaming, take me there as fast as you know how, feet, skip, left, right, left, right. Heaven's got me, Heaven will keep me safe, Heaven won't let me hurt myself and there, there she is. And Peeta, by her side, holding my mockingjay, kissing my mockingjay, shoot him! Where's my bow, I found the deer, let me take him, let me eat him, let me live, I need to eat to live, I'm just a boy from District 12 and I'm starving, Heaven forgive me, what is murder, give me my bow, I know how to kill a man, let me win, soaking wet in Heaven-waters for my-Katniss and not-Peeta, save me from the birds, running, biting my back and screaming and Katniss is dying and not-Peeta screaming and blood in the water and left and right and forgive me, Heaven, I can't find the sky! I'm screaming-_

I woke in a cold sweat, trembling in my bed. _Some nightmare. _I fumbled my hand along the edge of my bedside table until I found the water pitcher, and poured myself a glass. I kept pouring when the water begin to spill over the rim, letting the liquid run down my fingers, wrists, and arms. When the water was gone, I replaced the empty pitcher and rolled back over in my bed.

A stabbing pain in my shoulder prevented me from falling back to sleep. The pain had been muted for several days, bearable under the painkillers the doctors had given me. But now, without the medicine, I felt a terrible burning sensation creeping between my shoulder blades. _And I'm supposed to receive a mission assignment tomorrow after training? Great timing._ I crept out of bed so that I wouldn't wake my brothers sleeping across the room, walked into the bathroom, and switched on the light. Carefully, I removed my shirt over the healing wound and examined it in the mirror. Nestled between the angry scars from my whipping in District 12 was the knife wound from Peeta's rescue. It was refusing to scab over, and I grimaced when I saw the layer of pus developing over the wound. _There is no way I am going to be able to sleep with that unless I get some more painkillers. _I gingerly buttoned my shirt, slipped on my shoes, and left my room for a midnight walk.

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	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

There was no one at the reception desk in the hospital wing, so I let myself in. The usual harsh lighting had been dimmed for the evening, and shadows clung to the white walls. I was conscious of the pounding of my shoes against the tile floor and switched my step so that I crept along more softly, like the hunter that I was. I passed the deserted nurse's station and proceeded to the first aid cabinet. I had been here several times before after training to pick up the miscellaneous bandage or antibacterial cleanser for day-to-day scrapes. This time, I examined the bottles on the upper shelf, searching for fresh bandages and a painkiller powerful enough to numb the pain in my back. The wound caught my breath when I reached for the top shelf, where the pill bottles were neatly stacked. _If only Mrs. Everdeen were on duty right now. She would know just the thing for this. _I scanned labels and tossed bottles aside until at last I found one with a familiar label: "Morphling Tablets." I read further. "Mild dose. Take as sleep medication or minor pain relief. May cause drowsiness, nausea, disorientation..." _It should work. I'll just take one. _

Something slammed behind me and I spun around, slipping the bottle into my pocket. "Who's there?" I demanded.

"Hey kid." A man staggered out from the shadows and grinned at me. "Joining the party? Want a drink?" He held out a large, clear bottle toward me, smiled, and dropped the bottle, shattering the glass on the tile floor. The bottle had been empty.

"Haymitch Abernathy?" I asked, unimpressed. " _This is the man who was Katniss's mentor? He's a piece of work._

"A fan of the Games, eh? Watched 'em with your friends, cheered at all your favorite parts?" I glared at Haymitch, who walked slowly toward me until he was so close that I could smell the alcohol on his breath. "Oh wait," he smiled darkly, "you're the _cousin_."

"I'm Soldier Hawthorne," I corrected him as I attempted to walk past. Haymitch threw out his arm to stop me and then grabbed my shoulders and pressed me against the wall. I tried to push him off, but his grip was too tight.

"You must think you're _brave_." He spat the last word in my face and then dropped his voice to a whisper. "But kid, you don't know anything about bravery."

"You need to leave the hospital wing," I directed, trying to stay calm. "There are patients here trying to sleep. And alcohol is prohibited in District 13. Go back to sleep and leave me alone."

"We're all trying to sleep," he laughed, releasing his grip. "Isn't that the key to surviving here in Panem? Sleep, and you won't feel anything. Not anything at all. And you can just watch the Games be thankful that your _cousin_ is alive. Because that's all that matters, 'eh Hawthorne? Not what anybody has seen or felt but what happens in the end. _Who wins_. And the winner is always the brave one, right kid?"

I had taken a couple of cautious steps down the hall, avoiding the pieces of broken glass, but Haymitch's words took me off-guard. "What do you want?" I asked him.

"Another drink." I glared at Haymitch and turned to walk away, but he called after me. "Wait, kid. Come with me."

I turned my head slowly and looked back at him, standing in the dim hallway, surrounded by broken glass. He was pathetic. With the pills rattling in my pocket and my wound complaining with every step, I followed Haymitch farther down into the hallway and into Room 18.

_The observation room? What could_ _this half-mad alcoholic possibly want with me in here?_

"Take a seat," Haymitch instructed me. I followed his lead and pulled a chair up to the window. "Now watch," said Haymitch.

I directed my attention into Peeta's room. The lights had been dimmed but not shut off. Peeta lay still in his bed, strapped firmly down. Someone had pulled a thin blanket over him up to his waist. His eyes were closed, and as far as I could tell, he was fast asleep.

"What am I supposed to be watching?" I asked. Haymitch didn't move his eyes off of the sleeping boy.

"Just watch."

And so I did. Fifteen minutes crept by tediously, and I was about to leave when the blanket over Peeta's legs began to tremble.

"He's shaking," I whispered. "Why?"

"A nightmare."

"How do you know?"

Haymitch shot me a disgusted look. "How could that kid get through a night without them after what he's been through?" _Right, Haymitch. Like the rest of us don't get nightmares. Sure, Peeta went through a lot. But I've been hungry all my life, I've seen death, I've been beaten. And nobody is watching me at night, to make sure I don't have a bad dream, like I'm a little kid._

"How is watching him going to help?" Haymitch stared at me blankly. "Well?" I asked again.

"It doesn't, kid. It doesn't." Haymitch buried his face in his hands. I watched him, disgusted.

"Haven't you ever thought of waking him up?" I asked, pointing out the obvious solution.

Haymitch raised his head to look at me. "You mean, to save him from one nightmare by bringing him back to another? Brilliant idea, kid." He grins sarcastically. "I need a drink. Where's the booze?"

"Here," I reached into my pocket and pulled out the bottle of morphling pills. "Just take these."

Haymitch caught the pills and looked up at me in surprise. "Now why would a perfectly healthy kid like you, who's hardly ever been out of his own backyard, be walking around with these?"

"My shoulder was wounded in Peeta's rescue. I was going to take them for the pain, but you're more of a mess than I am."

Haymitch laughed and opened the bottle. He swallowed a couple of pills and grinned at me. "You must think you're so brave, kid. You had a _cousin_ in the Games, you've been to the Capitol. You think you're tough because you're from the Seam." Haymitch leaned in closer. "But kid, you don't know a thing about courage."

Haymitch pocketed the pill bottle and walked out of the room, slamming the door behind him.

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	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

I didn't regret surrendering the morphling pills to Haymitch. If I could handle pain in District 12, then I could handle it here. _Brave men don't need mediation to get them through the night. If I can't sleep, then I can't sleep, and that's all there ought to be to it. _There was something about Haymitch that I didn't understand, some dark motivation that pushed him here in the middle of the night. I couldn't see the bravery in a man who couldn't walk through a deserted hospital without needing a drink.

Just beyond the window, Peeta was stirring. _What did Haymitch mean, about saving Peeta from one nightmare by bringing him back into another? He's perfectly safe here. A little crazy, sure, but doesn't he realize that this isn't the Capitol? It's not like he's being tortured here. He just lies there all day, probably just talking to visitors and doctors and letting people take care of him. _

Still, Haymitch probably was right about Peeta's nightmares. Whatever the Capitol did to him to make him forget Katniss would have had to have been horrific. Or perhaps, if even I had nightmares about the Games, those came back to haunt Peeta. _He was with her in my dream. _The memory of Peeta lying in the sand with Katniss made me want to vomit.

_No, Gale. Katniss wouldn't want you to be upset with Peeta. Their whole being-in-love act probably saved her life. She would want you to be kind to him._ I glanced at the boy beyond the window, who lay silently and helplessly strapped to the bed. _I ought to just check on him quickly before I go back to sleep, to make sure he's okay. _I slipped out of the observation room and entered Peeta's room, closing the door so softly behind me that the click of the latch was barely audible.

"Peeta?" I whispered, "It's Gale."

"Get out."

"I will. I just wanted to make sure you were okay. Haymitch thought you were having a nightmare." As soon as the words were out of my mouth, I realized my slip. Peeta tried to spring from his bed, but his restraints held him down.

"What are you talking about?! How would Haymitch know that? Where is he?" He tried to kick his leg free with no success. I waited until he was lying quietly again to take a seat beside him. Peeta glared up at me, panting slightly from the effort of his escape attempt. I spoke softly and slowly. _The last thing I need is for a bunch of doctors to run in right now._

"There is an observation room next door, past the mirror." I pointed at the glass. "I came down here for... never mind. The point is, I think Haymitch was checking in on you or something. You seemed bothered by something in your sleep. He's gone now, though. He was drunk."

Peeta closed his eyes. His face was glistening with sweat. "Okay," he said, "you can leave now. I don't want visitors. You can go... spy on me, or whatever you all want to call it. _Observations._ Just go."

I stood to leave. Haymitch's words still haunted me. _From one nightmare... to another._

"Peeta." I knelt down beside his bed so that I could speak across to him, rather than down at him. "Haymitch said something strange to me." Peeta kept his eyes closed and refused to reply. "He said... that when you woke up... you would just be leaving one nightmare for another."

I was taken aback when Peeta laughed softly. "So he realizes this is a nightmare. Good. It's his fault, anyways."

"Peeta, look. I don't really understand what's going on in your head about Katniss. And it's no secret to you I'm sure that I..." I didn't want to tell him that I loved her, in part because I didn't want to set him off, and in part because... I couldn't put my finger on the second part. It just didn't feel right. "I care about her a lot. And some part of her cares about you, or at least doesn't want to see you hurt. She wouldn't ever hurt you, or at least, not like the Capitol told you she did. I guess what I'm trying to say is that you're safe here. There's nothing to be scared of in District 13. Sure, it's different than District 12, but they accommodate all of us here in their own way-"

"Stop."

"You ought to listen-"

"No, Gale. Stop."

I fell silent. Peeta took a deep breath and strained his neck so that he could see me. His piercing eye contact took me by surprise, but I tried to hold his gaze. Peeta spoke slowly, choosing his words with delicacy.

"When I wake up each morning... usually from some awful dream, about the Games or about Katniss trying to kill me... I think I'm in the Capitol. The Capitol's treatment rooms look a lot like this. White and cold. In the Capitol, they used to chain me down to a table. Sometimes barbed wire, if I was fighting back. And then someone would come along and insert a needle. The poison burned. I would lie there writhing, waiting to die. And when I was still enough, there would just be fear. That's when they would show me videos and tell me horrible things. After a while, you forget what's real. What they tell you seems too awful to be true, but so is reality. And when they were done, someone would rip out the needle. A few of them would hold me down while my chains were unfastened, and then they would haul me over to the wall and tie me up again. They beat me. They whipped me until I screamed. I hated myself for screaming. But we all screamed, eventually." Peeta paused and took a few shaky breaths. "When I wake up here, I'm in a cold, white room. I'm strapped down to a bed. And then someone inserts an IV and the doctors start talking to me and they make me watch videos, and I don't know what is true. Do you understand?"

"Yes," I said, fumbling with the restraint on Peeta's right wrist.

"What are you doing?"

"Do you promise you won't hurt me?"

"Are you letting me go?"

"Only for a minute. Just so you can stretch. And then you'll have to lie down again. Also," I warned him as I freed his other wrist and started on his ankles, "you can't tell the doctors."

Peeta smiled. As I unbuckled his prosthetic leg, he managed to push himself upright. _He's stronger. District 13 has been feeding him. _I helped Peeta slide his legs off the bed and supported him as he stood. He leaned against me and we took a few cautious steps together.

"See? You aren't in the Capitol. This isn't a nightmare. You're safe."

I helped Peeta walk in a slow circle around the hospital room, and then guided him back to his bed. He didn't fight me when I strapped him back down.

"Gale..." he whispered when I was almost at the door.

"Katniss needs you to get better. She cares about you. That's real," I assured him. He watched me curiously as I slipped out of his room.

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	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

Following Prim's guidance, I gave Katniss her space. When I didn't see her at meals or in the halls of District 13, I assumed that she wanted to be left alone, most likely curled up in some closet in the depths of the complex. But when the end of the week rolled around and I hadn't so much as seen Katniss in over three days, I started to worry. _She needs people. She doesn't always realize it, but she can't go through this time alone_.

I entered the hospital, swiping in easily with the soldier identification stamped onto my forearm. The halls were familiar to me now, and I headed straight for the nurses' station. Prim was at the computer, rapidly inputing data with her small, bony fingers. _She must have her mother's gift for healing_, I thought to myself, remembering how carefully Mrs. Everdeen had treated my back after my whipping.

"Prim?"

She jumped at my voice and leapt off her chair.

"Gale! What brings you here?"

"I need to find Katniss. I haven't seen her in days, Prim. I need to make sure that she is okay."

"Gale, Katniss is in District 2. She asked to be sent there earlier this week. It's a temporary assignment, but she'll be gone for a few weeks at least." Perhaps she read my suspicious expression, because she continued. "She volunteered, Gale. I think she just needed a break from this place. It will be good for her. She can shoot some propos, too."

"I need to go to her, Prim. I can't stand not knowing whether she is okay. Who's in charge of her mission?"

"Gale." Prim stepped forward and, to my surprise, wrapped her arms around me. "It's okay. Don't worry. You can ask to be sent to District 2 later if you like, but you shouldn't rush into anything. You're technically not even cleared for duty because of that shoulder of yours."

"My shoulder is fine."

"That's up to the doctors here to decide. Come with me. Let's find you a distraction. You can decide what to do about the District 2 mission later, but now is not the time."

Prim released me, and I begrudgingly waited as she gathered her paperwork from the desk. With a clipboard stowed firmly under her arm, she gestured for me to follow her.

"Here," she said, finally stopping in front of a room. "You and Peeta are friends. I usually help feed him lunch right now, but I'll bet he would like to see another friendly face."

"Prim, I would really rather-" Prim cut me off.

"This will help Katniss much more than if you were to blindly run off to District 2. Now listen to me so that you know what to do. A nurse will bring in his tray any minute now. She'll help you adjust his bed and restraints so that he's sitting upright. Feed him slowly, just a little bit of food at a time. Make sure he swallows everything. And most importantly, keep any sharp cutlery away from him. When you're done, put the tray back on the counter for the nurse. If you want, you can sit with Peeta until she comes back to lower his bed. Got it?"

"Okay."

Prim grinned. "Thanks. I really appreciate your help." She unlocked Peeta's door for me and then locked it again after I entered.

"Hey Peeta," I said as lightly as I could manage. "It's me, Gale. Just here to help you with lunch. Prim thought I needed something to keep me busy."

I walked over to Peeta's bed and sat down beside him. He gazed up fearfully at me.

"Where am I, Gale?"

"District 13. Remember? You're in the hospital." Peeta closed his eyes and took a long, deep breath. "You're safe," I continued. "No one here will hurt you. Everyone here just wants you to get better."

The door opened and a nurse walked in carrying a tray of food.

"You must be Gale, Prim's friend."

I tried to smile. "That's me."

The nurse walked over to the other side of Peeta's bed. He began to shiver, although I could tell that he was trying to stay calm. The nurse seemed to realize this.

"Peeta, sweetheart, I'm here every day. I'm one of the nurses. We're friends and I won't hurt you."

"I know," he whispered. "I know that's what's real. Just... a rough morning. Having trouble."

The nurse adjusted a lever on the side of the bed and raised Peeta into a sitting position. Then she fixed his restraints so that his arms lay naturally against the mattress.

"Comfortable?"

"Yes. Thank you."

The nurse smiled and left the room. I stood and retrieved the tray from the counter near the door. The tray held a large bowl of soup, a smaller bowl of chocolate pudding, and a glass of water.

"They still have you on soft foods?"

"I was starved and beaten severely in the Capitol," Peeta said matter-of-factly. "I still have trouble keeping solid foods down."

I balanced the tray on Peeta's lap and served him small spoonfuls of soup. He accepted them without protest, swallowing each bit carefully. My thoughts wandered back to Katniss, whether she was safe in District 2. _Plutarch will take care of her, right? Or will he let her run into a risky situation again for the sake of a propo?_

Peeta coughed violently, spitting out the soup that he had been trying to swallow. I grabbed a napkin and wiped the soup that dribbled down his chin. As he struggled to catch his breath, I offered him the glass of water. He spluttered through the first couple of sips and finally managed to swallow and breathe easily again.

Dutifully, I prepared another spoonful of soup. But when I offered it to Peeta, he turned his head away.

"You can go. I don't want any more."

"Peeta, you have to eat it."

"I want you to go. Please, Gale."

"Look, I don't want to be here either, okay? But Prim needed a hand, and she told me to make sure you finished everything."

Peeta closed his eyes, as though he were trying to disappear. I wondered where he took himself in his thoughts, to escape from the stark reality of the hospital room.

_A boy from the Seam, returning from the woods empty-handed. The faces of his starving brothers in the window. His mother, pulling him into her arms and telling him that it was going to be okay, that he would have better luck tomorrow._

"You're ashamed," I whispered.

"I told you to leave."

I unfastened the restraints on Peeta's wrists. He opened his eyes and looked up at me in surprise.

"I can't leave until you finish eating. Can you handle the pudding by yourself?"

Peeta flexed his trembling fingers and reached for the spoon. I helped him support the bowl with his left hand while he took a spoonful with his right and fed it to himself.

"Great," I encouraged him. "Keep going."

Peeta slowly worked his way through the pudding, and then through the last few spoonfuls of soup. Prim entered just as Peeta was finishing off the glass of water.

"Gale? How are things going in here?" Her eyes widened when she saw Peeta set the glass back down on the tray.

"Better," said Peeta as he sank back against the mattress.

Prim glanced questioningly at me.

"Better," I agreed.

* * *

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	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

I met with Dr. Lewis that afternoon. "I need medical clearance to join the mission in District 2," I told her as I took a seat on the examination table.

"How has your shoulder been feeling?" she asked while donning a pair of rubber gloves.

"Just fine," I lied, tossing in a smile for good measure.

"Then let's have a look. Please take your shirt off and lie down."

I tossed my shirt onto the chair in the corner of the room and lay down, exposing my naked back to Dr. Lewis. I had gained weight since my arrival in District 13, making my ribs less pronounced. But no increase in food could take away the scars criss-crossed across my back and draped over my shoulders.

"In the Capitol, they have surgeries that can minimize the appearance of scar tissue," Dr. Lewis told me conversationally.

"I would never be interested."

"Why not?"

"They're part of who I am now." Those violent marks represented the life I had led in District 12. They were the oppression I fought against, a fraction of the price I had paid to feed my family. Visible or not, everyone from the Seam carried those scars.

"Well, goodness knows it would be a long time before you would ever have the option. The hospital staff has started planning for the invasion of the Capitol-you must know about this?"

"Yes, I've been training to fight there."

"We're hoping we won't have many severe medical cases there, but we have to prepare for the worst. It is more likely that we'll need all of our resources just to get each of you back in one piece. And then there will be the citizens from other districts to care for as well. Those kids from District 11 are just as scrawny as you and your brothers were when you arrived."

"Will Prim be heading out to the Capitol?" I asked as Dr. Lewis removed the bandages from my shoulder to examine the wound.

"I would presume so. She is one of our most talented healers."

"We'll be lucky to have her there."

Dr. Lewis stepped away from the observation table to make a few notes on her clipboard. Then she applied a fresh coat of medication to the wound and replaced the bandages.

"Have you been putting weight on that shoulder?"

"No," I lied again.

"To be honest with you, Soldier Hawthorne, it's not healing nicely."

"It doesn't bother me."

Dr. Lewis shook her head and handed me my shirt. "It's slightly infected, and I can't give you permission to go to District 2 until the infection dies down. You can come in again next week and we can reevaluate. But in the mean time, you're going to have to take it easy here in District 13."

"But what if I promise to be gentle of it in District 2? Please, Dr. Lewis, I just want to make sure that Katniss is okay."

Dr. Lewis glanced skeptically at me.

"She's my cousin," I added through my teeth. "She's family. Family has to stick together."

"Then stay here with your mom and brothers for a few more days. I'm sure they need you just as much right now."

I was trapped. "You say that I can come back again next week? Can I make an appointment?"

"I'll add you to the schedule. Honestly though, Soldier Hawthorne, that wound is going to be slow to heal. You don't want that infection to spread. It's best to give it time."

"I'll be back next week," I promised. "It will get better. It has to."

* * *

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	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

The week dragged on. I waited eagerly for any update on the situation in District 2, but there was nothing. News was slow to reach us here in District 13, especially after the bombing before Peeta's rescue destroyed much of the communication infrastructure. I passed the time helping my mom care for my brothers. There was nothing more satisfying to me than the sight of their growing bellies, once swollen from hunger in the Seam.

"I'm sure that Katniss is safe," my mother reassured me. I had returned home from a military strategy meeting with an anxious expression on my face, and my mother saw straight through it instantly. "You'll be able to visit her in District 2 soon enough. I'm sure they would value your presence out there, with whatever matter they are trying to solve. Just give it time."

"That's what everyone tells me," I muttered. "Give it time. This is a revolution, Mom. I can't keep waiting around for everything to work out. I have to do something!"

"You could help Prim in the hospital again. That seemed to calm you down last week."

But the last thing I wanted was to spend more time underground. I wanted to feel the fresh air slapping against my face, waking me up out of this lethargic state of uselessness. I wanted to give myself to the revolutionary cause. I wanted to defeat the Capitol. _Is that too much to ask?_

"Prim didn't give me much of a choice in the matter," I muttered. "And besides, I'm no good as a healer. Hunting, I can do that. Fighting, too. But not healing. I'm not gentle like that."

"Don't sell yourself short." My mother stood from her chair and walked over to me. I didn't stop her when she took my face in her hands. I lost my father years ago in a mining accident, the same one that killed Katniss's father. If it brought my mother comfort to look for my father's face in mine, then I would stand here all day. "You have your father's eyes," she whispered. Her eyes began to fill with tears, and I pulled her into my arms. I didn't tell her that my eyes were just like hers and Katniss's. They weren't my father's eyes. They were Seam eyes, gray with hunger.

"I miss him too, Mom."

"He would be so proud of you," she sobbed into my shoulder. I winced when the muscles in my shoulder tensed to support her as she leaned against me.

_Would my father really be proud of me? Is this the life he wanted for his son? Building weapons and preparing to kill, who knows how many miles from home? Dreaming about a girl who will never love him?_

"I'm going to District 2," I said firmly.

My mother stepped back and crossed her arms across her chest. "You can't go with that shoulder, Gale. The doctor told you that you have to rest."

"I have an appointment this afternoon. I'm going to get clearance to go."

"Gale. I know that you're worried about Katniss, but this is foolish. Stay here with me and your brothers. Let the wound heal properly. Didn't Dr. Lewis tell you that it was infected last week?"

_Shoot. Why did I tell her that?_

"He did. But it's not infected any more." _A lie._

"Show me."

"Mom! I'm an adult now. I can take care of myself. Just trust me. The doctor will give me clearance to go. My shoulder is fine."

She pulled me into her arms and hugged me as tightly as she could, sniffling softly.

"Be careful, my son. I need you to come home in one piece. You boys are all I have."

I kissed the top of her head. "I love you, Mom."

* * *

I waited until the hallway bathroom near the hospital was deserted and then locked the door from the inside. I slipped off my shirt and peeled back the bandages on my shoulder. Thick green pus oozed from the wound and reeked of decaying flesh. My appointment was in fifteen minutes, and Dr. Lewis was right. The wound was still badly infected.

I withdrew the hunting knife from my pocket and gritted my teeth. _I am from the Seam. I am strong. I have felt worse pain than this_. With a motion perfected from skinning countless animals in the woods, I skimmed the infected layer off of the wound with my knife. _For Katniss. _Blood immediately rose to the surface of the wound, red and fluid. The pain pulled at me, taunting me. I squeezed my eyes shut and breathed slowly, trying to block out the agony. _Seam kids don't cry_.

I cleaned off the blade and stowed it carefully back in my pocket. Then I wiped the wound clean and pressed fresh bandages on top. I carefully disposed of the soiled bandages and wiped the blood from the countertop. I unlocked the door and walked the last few steps to the hospital reception desk.

A young District 13 woman glanced up at me from the reception desk. "Can I help you?"

"I am Soldier Gale Hawthorne. I have an appointment with Dr. Lewis, for medical clearance to go to District 2."

"Come right this way."

* * *

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	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16**

"I don't know how you did it," Dr. Lewis said as she examined my shoulder wound. I lay on my stomach on the examination table, my naked back exposed. "There's a lot of fresh blood, but I don't see any sign of infection."

"So can you clear me to go to District 2?" I asked, trying to keep my breathing regular. The pain seemed to have quadrupled since I first sliced off the infection with my hunting knife in the bathroom.

"The lack of infection is a very good sign. I would advise you to stay in District 13 since the blood does not seem to be clotting well. It's a bit unusual for the wound to be this bloody weeks after injury, but if the infection has just fallen away, then it makes sense that the wound is still sensitive underneath."

"So can I go to District 2?"

"I suppose so. I'll write you medical clearance. But please try to minimize movement, keep out of dangerous situations or strenuous physical activity. I want you sitting in a command center, not patrolling the streets. Got it?"

"Yes. Thank you, doctor."

Dr. Lewis placed fresh bandages on the wound and handed me my shirt. When she turned to fill out my medical clearance form, I moved to sit up, but collapsed when I tried to support my weight with my left arm. Dr. Lewis glanced up from her paperwork with concern written all over her face.

"Soldier Hawthorne?"

"My hand slipped," I lied. When she looked back at her paperwork, I eased myself slowly up into a sitting position, placing more of the weight on my right arm. I clenched my teeth together as I raised my arms to slide my shirt over my head. Then I slipped carefully down from the table.

Dr. Lewis handed me the medical clearance form. "You can give this to your commanding officer. Best of luck in District 2, Soldier Hawthorne. And I mean it about taking it easy on that shoulder. Now unless you have any other questions for me, I have to go check in on your friend, Mr. Mellark."

I shook my head. "No questions. How is Peeta?"

Dr. Lewis considered me carefully. "He's slowly improving. Following your lead with the pudding last week, the nurses have been letting him out of his restraints more often during the day. He's allowed to feed himself during all meals and to draw with crayons, which seems to relax him. Prim often sits with him in the evenings until he falls asleep. He still has nightmares every night, but Mr. Abernathy and Mr. Odair say that the nightmares are to be expected. However, we are still having trouble convincing him that Katniss won't hurt him. He has enough trouble remembering that he is in District 13 and not the Capitol, and that the nurses enter his room to help him, not to torture him. We have been showing him videos that feature Ms. Everdeen while he is under the influence of morphling. It's a strategy that Prim suggested, to reverse-engineer his hijacking." I nodded to show that I was following along. "To be honest with you, Soldier Hawthorne, his prognosis is not good. We'll be lucky if we can help him control his fears enough to get him into a state of self-sufficiency. He's having a very difficult time."

"Can I see him before I head out to District 2?"

"He's in the middle of a therapy session right now. I'm already late. You're welcome to observe if you like."

Dr. Lewis pointed me towards the observation room, and I entered alone and took a seat inside. I watched as she entered Peeta's bedroom, where two nurses were already stationed. A television had been wheeled into Peeta's room on a low table. His bed was propped up slightly to give him a clear view of the screen. He trembled beneath heavy-looking restraints. Dr. Lewis gave Peeta a fresh shot of morphling and began talking to him. Sweat glistened on his face and I could tell that he was having trouble maintaining control. Finally, he exploded. Even without the speaker on in the observation room, I could hear his cries: "She's a mutt! She wants to kill me! Why won't you listen to me?"

Maybe Dr. Lewis's suspicions were right. Maybe Peeta would never get better. Maybe he had given up his sanity for Katniss, forever.

* * *

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	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17**

* * *

The hovercraft ride to District 2 was every bit as thrilling as the ride back to District 13 from the Capitol. Mines and fields and seas, as far as I could see in every direction. I placed my hands right up against the glass and tried to absorb as much of the scenery as I could, as though I might never see Panem beneath me ever again. Beetee sat on the other side of the room, anxious to discuss strategy for the District 2 mission. Something about a mountain. But he soon realized that trying to distract me from the window was a lost cause.

"Come on Beetee, don't you want to look? We've been trapped down in District 13 for so long!"

"No thanks, kid. That view's not a happy memory for me."

I turned to stare at Beetee. "See, I don't get that. You and Peeta seem to feel the same way about it, though."

"If you had been in the Games, you would understand," Beetee said quietly.

I shrugged. "I'll bet Katniss is different. I'll bet she never gets tired of looking out."

A few minutes before the hovercraft landed, I finally allowed Beetee to explain the situation in District 2 to me.

"There are rebel camps around the outside of the district, but the city center is still dominated by citizens who are loyal to the Capitol. Many Peacekeepers come from District 2, so they're vulnerable to Capitol propaganda. Makes Katniss and Plutarchs' job plenty difficult. Their propos aren't as effective here. But that doesn't concern the two of us." Beetee winked at me. We were a team, working on the special defenses floor in District 13 to produce the weaponry for the revolution. "Our job is to take the Nut," Beetee continued. "It's their mining center, essential to their economy and a stronghold for the Capitol supporters. Lots of District 2 citizens working there, which is the catch. But taking the Nut will be a critical power play for the rebels. We've been called in to be the brains behind the operation."

I didn't care why I had been called in. I just needed to find the girl I loved.

"Where can I find Katniss?" I asked Beetee as we stepped off the hovercraft.

"Boy, I'm afraid that's your problem. I've heard that she's being moved around the rebel camps for safety. Your best bet might be to just start wandering."

* * *

There seemed to be no rhyme or reason to the rebel villages. Tents here, caves there. Smoldering fires and kids running lose and blankets blowing in the wind. The occasional flag bearing Katniss's mockingjay symbol affirmed that I was indeed in rebel territory. Occasionally, I stopped to ask a villager if he or she had seen Katniss Everdeen, but the villagers all shook their heads. "We can't tell you. Sorry, kid." So I kept walking. As the sun began to slip below the horizon, I quickened my pace. _She's so close, and yet so far. What if I already missed her village? What if I don't find her before morning, and she moves again?__  
_

My heart stopped. There. I would know that silhouette anywhere. I proceeded slowly through the evening fog, absorbing the beautiful figure in the distance. She sat on the end of a log, bent forwards with her hair tied back in a loose braid. Her fingers deftly yanked the feathers from a dead goose, casting them to the ground where the wind scooped them up and scattered them around her. I walked around the back of the log and took a seat beside her without a word. I opened my mouth to speak, but found myself lost for words. Katniss glanced at me without ceasing her plucking and then bent down again, yanking the feathers out more violently than before. I picked up a bird and fell in sync with her rhythm. Our rhythm.

_"You can't keep up. You're just twelve!"_

_"Oh yeah? Watch me."_

_He tossed her a bird._

_"And you're a girl."_

_"No kidding."_

_"Well, aren't you going to get squeamish?"_

_She started at him, her hungry Seam eyes hard and cold. Without breaking her glare, she yanked a fistful of feathers from the bird's flesh. Then she opened her hand, letting the feathers drift to the ground._

_"Okay, okay! No need to get mad. But we've got to get these done by sunset so that we can take them to the Hob."_

_"Then maybe you should pick one up and start plucking."_

Finally, I found the courage to speak. "I missed you."

"I missed you too."

The ground was smothered with feathers. They gathered at my feet, catching in my shoes and socks.

"I've hardly seen you since Peeta's rescue," I said softly. "And then you left for District 2 so suddenly. Is everything okay?"

Katniss wrenched the last feather from her bird and tossed it into the pile of cleaned game. Then she turned to face me, her Seam eyes filling with tears.

"What do you think, Gale? Do you think everything is okay?"

I set my bird down and reached out to wrap my arms around her. But Katniss pulled away.

"Catnip... I'm here... you're safe..."

She laughed and her tears began to overflow. "So that's what you think this is about, huh? My safety? What, did you come all the way here from District 13 just to check in on me or something?"_  
_

"Katniss, we're... friends..." The word tasted sour in my mouth. "We protect each other, remember?"

An expression came over Katniss's face that I couldn't read. Was it disgust? Desperation? Sorrow?

"Finish that last bird and then help me pack these up," she ordered, turning her back on me. I hastily plucked off the last few feathers and then handed Katniss the goose to add to her overflowing game bag.

"Where are we taking these?"

"Camp kitchen."

Katniss insisted on carrying the game bag. It was a point of pride for each of us to carry what we killed. Still, I felt guilty watching Katniss heave the full bag over her shoulder. Although other District 12 citizens had filled out with the increased availability of food in District 13, Katniss still looked emaciated.

"Have you been eating?" I asked cautiously.

"None of your business."

_How could a Seam girl starve herself? Hasn't she had enough stare-downs with death to embrace life when it's offered?_

We walked in silence to the camp kitchen, where I waited outside while Katniss dropped off the birds. When she emerged from the building, I reached for her hand. She didn't fight me, and let me intertwine my fingers with hers. I stroked the side of her hand gently with my thumb and gave her hand a soft squeeze. _I'm here, Katniss. I'm right here. It's okay._

"Your fingers are freezing," I said quietly. Katniss gave me half a smile. It was the closest to happy that I had seen her in months.

"Contrary to popular belief, I'm not always on fire."

I guided her toward the nearest village campfire but stopped in the shadows a few paces away. "I'm on fire," I whispered.

"Gale, no..." she tried to push me away, but I pulled her into my arms, fighting through the pain in my shoulder to hold her close. I kissed the top of her hair, pressing my lips into the tangled strands. She didn't complain. Gently, I took her head in my hands and leaned down so that our noses were nearly touching. I locked my gaze onto her Seam eyes. And then I pressed my lips against hers, softly at first but then again with more determination. I wanted our moment to last forever, just me and Katniss, safe in each other's arms.

"We're going to make it, Catnip. We're going to win the revolution."

Katniss froze in my arms.

"You're beautiful," I whispered. I leaned down to kiss her again, but she wriggled out of my embrace.

We stared at each other as Katniss backed into the shadows, her Seam eyes wary.

"So that's victory, huh, Gale? Winning the revolution?" The sarcastic edge in her tone stopped me from affirming. "So tell me, then, Soldier Hawthorne. Have you seen Peeta lately?" I did not reply, and so she continued. "They give me updates, you know. Plutarch and Haymitch. I'm not oblivious, Gale. I know that he lies there day after day, night after night, trembling and screaming and struggling to perform simple tasks. That progress for him is being allowed to hold a crayon or to feed himself a bowl of pudding. That he is so afraid of me and his surroundings that he might never be himself again."

Her Seam eyes were hungry, but not for food.

"He's... doing better," I reassured her. "Making progress, even if it's slow."

"And you're not jealous of him anymore." It was a statement, not a question.

"Jealousy is the wrong word," I whispered.

Jealousy was for District 12. Jealousy was seeing the wealthy kids at school, with their lunches and round bellies. Jealousy was realizing at age twelve that there was no competition between me and the blacksmith's son for Madge's attention. Jealousy was watching a father and son walk together through the Hob, and knowing that I would never see my father again.

"He gave up everything for you, Katniss. I know that you need him back."

"You don't know what 'everything' is. You can't begin to imagine what he's been through."

"Catnip..."

"Don't call me that right now."

"Katniss." I took one cautious step toward her, then another, and another. Finally, I pulled her back into my arms, wrapping myself protectively around her. She was shivering badly. "You're freezing," I whispered into her hair. Katniss broke down into tears.

"He's terrified, Gale. But he's safe in District 13. Why does he have to be so afraid?"

_No, Katniss. Forget Peeta, just for a moment. Come back to me. I love you, Katniss._

But instead of telling her how I felt, I just held her closer. And I gave her my love with my word.

"He's going to get better, Katniss. I promise."

* * *

**Thank you so much for reading! You guys are the best, and I really appreciate all of the time that you put into following the story, especially this far! Remember to add the story to your alert list, because there are many, many more chapters to come...**

**I generally try to avoid "Author's Notes" because I think writing ought to speak for itself. But I know that the meeting between Gale and Katniss is a big turning point in the story, and so I thought it might be a good place for some brief commentary.**

**This chapter was one of the most difficult for me to write. I tried it several different ways, first with the original quotes from _Mockingjay_ and then with my own dialogue. To be honest, the District 2 scenes from _Mockingjay_ were some of my least favorite in the book, so I don't feel too guilty about taking some extra creative license here. Until this point in my story, I have kept Katniss physically absent (also a slight deviation from _Mockingjay_) to build tension and to emphasize the emotional chasm that lies between Katniss and Gale. I think that part of what makes Gale such an interesting character is that he loves Katniss and yet doesn't really know her. Part of him never really leaves the Seam.**

**I'm especially curious to read reviews on this chapter, so please let me know what you thought!**

**Thanks again!**


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18**

We decided to blow up the Nut. Or at least, _I _decided to blow up the Nut. And all possible exits.

No one else had a better idea. Still, I felt guilty beneath Katniss's gaze after the decision had been made. Her eyes accused me... of what? _Look, Katniss, I'm aiding the rebel cause. Your cause. Isn't this what we have to do to keep you safe? You can't even stay in the same cave two nights in a row, in case the Capitol supporters catch wind of your whereabouts._ But I didn't tell her this. Part of me suspected that her displeasure had nothing to do with the Nut. _Could she still be upset about last night? About the way I reacted when I realized she didn't care who she was kissing? That she just wanted to kiss someone, anyone, to forget her worries about Peeta?_

_Gale. Stop. It's not fair of you to be upset with Katniss. Of course she's worried about Peeta. You've known all along that he's special to her in ways you will never understand. She needs him. And if Peeta is the man she wants, then you have to support them._

So I said nothing when Katniss stormed out of the conference room after the decision had been made. I figured that it was best to let her cool down, to let her forget whatever was driving us apart.

Beetee pulled me aside as I headed for the exit.

"Gale, are you sure about this?"

"Sure about what?"

"Blowing up all of those innocent District 2 citizens?"

I laughed darkly. "Beetee, if they were innocent, they'd be out in the rebel villages with us."

"I'm just saying, the plan seems a little violent. Are you sure you don't have any other ideas?"

"I gave my idea. That's more than anyone else did during the meeting. It's not my responsibility to champion the humanitarian cause. I'm just trying to get us all out of here alive."

Beetee shook his head. "I just don't feel sure about this."

I shrugged. "It's a revolution. Not everybody comes out alive. That's the reality of the thing. It's tough, but it's necessary."

The rebels spent the rest of the afternoon making preparations to destroy the Nut. Following Dr. Lewis's instructions to avoid physical stress, I found a comfortable seat in the command center near the windows overlooking the district. As the sun sank in the sky, I felt myself slipping into the sly unconsciousness of sleep.

_A twelve-year-old girl pushed past me in the crowd. She ran up to the gate and pressed her palms against the barrier, her thin fingers tugging at the wire mesh. Just beyond the gate, another group of miners spilled from the smoke-filled elevator, coughing and gasping for air but alive._

_"Dad? Dad it's Katniss! Dad, can you hear me?"_

_A thin blonde woman pulled the girl away from the gate as the miners pushed it open, rushing to their wives and children. But no father came for the girl with the thin fingers. And no father came for me._

_When the next elevator came, she ran back to the gate, searching the crowd of escaping miners for her father. Her small voice began to crack with desperation, her cries softening to whispers._

_"Dad? Dad, I'm over here. Dad, where are you?"_

_That night, my mother and I held each other in front of the fireplace while my brothers tried to sleep in the other room. We waited for a knock on the door to tell us that everything was okay, that there had been a mistake, that he was coming home. The silence pressed around us, suffocating any flame of hope that I had ever known. _

_In the morning, what do you say to your mother, when she's just lost the love of her life? What do you say when you're the man of the house at fifteen, still almost a child? What do you say when you miss your father more than words and yet can't make enough sense of your pain to realize that he's gone forever?_

I became conscious of strong arms around me and lifted my head, surprised to feel tears trickling down my cheeks.

"You don't need to say anything," Beetee said. I pulled away and wiped my tears.

"I'm not crying."

"It's okay, kid."

"I don't cry," I sniffed.

Beetee sighed. "No wonder you make a convincing cousin for Katniss."

"I'm not her cousin."

Beetee was silent for a long moment. "She cries too, you know."

"How would you know?"

"If you knew death like she did-"

I slammed my hands over my ears. "Don't try to tell me about death," I spat at Beetee.

Beetee stared down at his hands, his fingers fidgeting nervously. "We don't have to do this, kid. The Nut doesn't have to go down."

"But it does, Beetee, don't you see? It's the only way!"

"The only way for what, Soldier Hawthorne?"

"We have to defend the rebels... we have to keep Katniss safe. If the cause dies, then she'll be vulnerable and-"

"Gale. Stop."

I turned away and gazed out the window. Just beyond the glass, I knew that the rebels were setting the charges for the explosion.

"Listen to me, Gale," Beetee ordered. "You might have fooled the rest of Panem into thinking that you're some kind of heartless rebel hero, but you can't fool me. I've seen you in dozens of Games victors. I know that deep down, you're terrified just like the rest of us. And even though you don't want to hear it, you're still practically a child."

I waited until I heard Beetee's footsteps disappearing down the hall to close my eyes and collapse back into my chair.

_When morning came and my father didn't, I slipped out of my sleeping mother's arms and crept over to the hook by the door. My father's worn hunting jacket hung neatly over his game sack, empty except for a compass and a knife._

_"Gale," he had told me the first time he took me out into the woods, "someday you may have to take care of your mother and brothers. These woods are dangerous. But when you love someone, you have to seize your chance to protect them, because it might not come again."_

_He taught me how to hunt with a bow and arrow, how to walk without making a sound, how to skin a rabbit and pluck a bird. But most of all, he taught me how to make traps for any kind of animal the woods could bear._

_"And Gale, don't forget," he told me one day, "if someday I don't come back, you must remind your mother how much I love her. Sometimes the rest of the world crashes down around us, and love is all we have. Promise me that you won't ever forget to love."_

I promised.

* * *

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	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19**

"Gale, come quick!" Beetee called to me across the observation deck. In the distance, I could hear the rumble of falling rock. The Nut was tumbling down, trapping the District Two citizens inside according to plan. My plan.

"I don't want to watch."

"Gale, it's Katniss! She's walking out into the crowd to talk to one of the..." Beetee paused, as if searching for a word.

"Victims," I filled in for him. "They're victims, Beetee."

"Just come and watch. This is going to be one hell of a propo, if that's what Plutarch is after."

I sighed and stood slowly from the seat that I had chosen as far from the window as possible. Steeling myself for the destruction that lay just beyond the window, I walked across the room to join Beetee at his vantage point.

"Where is she?"

"Right there, see, they're clearing a path for her in front of the steps." I followed the direction of Beetee's pointed finger. There was Katniss, addressing an ash-covered and badly-burned figure in the center of the crowd. His face was contorted with rage and he shook as though he might explode.

"Oh God..." I whispered. "Oh, God, Beetee, he has a gun!"

I sprinted out of the observation room and out of the building toward the steps that overlooked the Nut. The steps were crowded with District Thirteen cameramen and women, anxious to shoot Katniss as she addressed the crowd. But all that I could think about was the gun trained on her heart.

I pushed my way into the crowd, but it did not part for me. Thrashing against the District Two citizens, I thrust myself into the center of the crowd. Finally, I spotted Katniss, just feet from the burned and furious Nut victim.

"Katniss!" I threw myself in front of her, half a second too late. The bullet slipped past my left ear, lodging itself into Katniss's armor. _No, oh God, no, this can't be happening, not Katniss! _I stumbled and fell to the ground beside her, gasping on the dusty ground.

"Gale?" Katniss whispered as she began to slip out of consciousness.

"Stay with me, Katniss." I tried to fold my body over hers but could not find the strength to move. I found her fingers and squeezed her hand. "Come on, Katniss, stay strong. You're going to be okay."

Katniss closed her eyes.

"Katniss don't go... Please, Katniss, I need you... Katniss, I love you..."

* * *

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	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter 20**

I woke to find myself in a hospital room with harsh white lighting.

"Gale? How are you feeling?"

"Prim?" I whispered, my voice raspy and dry. "Is that you?"

"I'm right here," she assured me. My vision began to clear and I could make out her thin figure leaning over my bed. "You're in District 13."

"But I was..." my voice trailed off as memories of District 2 flooded back to me. The Nut. The gunman. The bullet. Katniss falling to the ground... "Katniss! Prim, where is Katniss?" I tried to sit up but collapsed when I tried to put weight on my left shoulder.

"Shhh, Gale, she's okay. Katniss is fine. The doctors are taking good care of her. The bullet lodged itself in her armor, but it never met her flesh."

I nodded but my heart beat frantically and I couldn't catch a full gulp of air. Prim placed her small hands on my chest and gently pushed me back down against the mattress.

"I want to see her, Prim."

"Dr. Lewis gave strict orders that you have to be kept in bed. Your shoulder is in terrible shape, Gale. If you won't lie down and cooperate, I'll have to drug you."

I stopped struggling and allowed Prim to pull the blankets up to my shoulders and gently tuck me in.

"How long until I can see her, Prim?"

"I don't know, Gale," she said softly. "I wish I could tell you, but I just don't know."

_I almost lost her. When I see her, I'll hold her close and never let her go. I don't care whether she needs me. I need her. I can't live without her._

Prim offered to give me a morphling drip, but I insisted that she keep me off drugs. I didn't want to end up like Peeta, unable to function without an IV to keep me calm. I begged Prim throughout the afternoon for updates on Katniss's condition, but Prim told me next to nothing. _She's fine, Gale. She's going to recover. The doctors just need to keep her quiet for a while. No, Gale, I don't know how long. No, she's not with Peeta. She's on her own, Gale. No one is allowed to visit her. She just needs to rest._

Dr. Lewis stopped by to examine my shoulder later in the afternoon. She ushered Prim out of my room and closed the door firmly behind her.

"How are you feeling, Soldier Hawthorne?"

I tried to crack a smile, but unlike the baker's son, I lacked that easy charm.

"I've been better," I muttered. "When can I see Katniss?"

Dr. Lewis shook her head. "Not for several days at least, I'm sorry to say."

"But Prim said that the bullet-"

"Katniss will be out of the hospital tomorrow," Dr. Lewis assured me. "She can't have visitors right now because the doctors want her to rest after what was an extremely traumatic experience. But physically, she is fit as a fiddle. You're the one who needs serious medical attention right now."

"But nothing is wrong with me!" I insisted, attempting to sit up to confront Dr. Lewis. I collapsed again when my left shoulder gave way. Vulnerable on the mattress, I gazed up at Dr. Lewis. We both knew the truth.

"Can you roll onto your stomach?" she asked me gently. With Dr. Lewis's help, I turned onto my stomach so that she could cut the shirt away from my back with a long pair of scissors.

"It's still infected, isn't it," I whispered.

"Yes, Gale. It's still infected, and it's much, much worse than before."

"I'm sorry," I offered as Dr. Lewis wrapped the wound in fresh bandages. "I lied to you so that I could find Katniss in District 2. I used a knife right before my appointment to skim the pus away."

Dr. Lewis pulled up a chair and sat down beside my bed. I was too weak to complain when she brushed the hair from my eyes. She rubbed small circles methodically on my back with one hand.

"I used to have a son, you know."

"You did?"

"Yes. He caught influenza and passed away nearly ten years ago."

"Dr. Lewis... That's terrible... I'm so sorry..."

"He was like you, Gale. Determined. Brave. I miss him every day."

I didn't know what to say, so I closed my eyes and slipped back into my past. My father, rubbing my back after a childhood nightmare. Telling me that everything would be okay, that I would feel safe again in the morning. Back then, morning always came.

"I've been a doctor for over twenty years, Gale. I've seen many wounds. I know that an infection like yours doesn't just disappear in a week. It doesn't bleed raw, either."

"Then why did you let me go to District 2?"

Dr. Lewis smiled sadly. "You would give your life for that girl if you had the chance, wouldn't you?"

"Yes," I whispered. "But you let me believe that I had tricked you."

"Gale. How do I say this to you."

"Say what to me?"

"Your shoulder isn't getting better, Gale."

"What do you mean?"

"I had Prim run some tests while you were sleeping earlier today."

"What? Why?" I tried to push myself upright but the pain overpowered me. I lay gasping for breath on the mattress, staring up at Dr. Lewis with terrified, wide eyes.

"Gale... you have blood poisoning."

* * *

**Thank you so much for reading! I'm thrilled that so many people are following along with the story. Please review, I really do appreciate all of your feedback and it encourages me to update soon! Also, don't forget to add _Gale's Amaranth _to your alert list so that you get all of the updates-and there are many to come!**


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter 21**

"There must be a medication. Peeta had a medication for his leg, even in the Games. I just need one of those shots, something to clear up the infection. And then it will heal, right?"

Dr. Lewis shook her head sadly at me. "Gale, those shots are nearly impossible to come by these days. I've been checking in with Coin on the District 13 medical supplies. We used to get supplies from the Capitol, but we burned through most of our important contacts to get Peeta, Johanna, and Annie out alive. Even if we still had medical contacts in the Capitol, an injection like the one Peeta received in the Games is extremely expensive."

"But the military budget here is incredible! Beetee has no limit on what he's allowed to spend for the materials he needs. I know this, Dr. Lewis! I've worked with him in the Special Defenses unit. There has to be a way..."

Dr. Lewis waited for me to trail off before continuing. "Gale, if there were a way I could get that injection for you, I would. But to Coin, you are..."

"I'm what, Dr. Lewis?"

She averted her eyes to the ground.

"What am I, doctor?" I asked again, more softly.

"Dispensable."

"Oh," I whispered. I felt as though all of the breath had been sucked out of me. _Dispensable._

"Gale, we're going to do everything we can for you," Dr. Lewis assured me.

"What can you do, if you can't cure the infection?" I demanded, the gravity of the situation beginning to tumble down upon me. _Here I am, a trained soldier, relegated to a District 13 hospital bed. Unable to see the girl I love. Struggling against an infection for which even a Games tribute was offered a cure._

"Your infection isn't as severe as Mr. Mellark's was in the Games. It shouldn't be debilitating, at least, not yet. While we search for a cure, we'll do our best to help you manage the pain."

I closed my eyes, trying to make sense of the avalanche crashing down over my head.

"So what am I supposed to do then?" I asked quietly. "Just lie here and wait to get weaker and weaker?"

"You don't have to stay here," Dr. Lewis said kindly. "You can leave if you prefer during the day, although I would like you to sleep here in the hospital from here on out so that we can monitor your condition. If the invasion of the Capitol is successful, we may be able to procure an injection for you. Until then, we're going to keep the wound as clean as possible and keep you on pain medications. Yes," Dr. Lewis affirmed when she read the disgusted expression on my face, "that means you'll have to submit to a morphling drip. I promise you, it will make a world of difference."

_So this is it. All of that training, everything for Katniss, and now here I am, relegated to the hospital, no better off than the bread boy. What will Katniss think when she sees me? When she realizes that I can't protect her anymore, the one thing I had left going for me with her?_

"Please don't tell Katniss," I begged Dr. Lewis, who looked questioningly at me. "She's under a lot of stress right now," I continued, half-fabricating as I went. "She doesn't need to be worried about me on top of everything else."

"The confidentiality of your medical concerns is up to you," Dr. Lewis said slowly. "Although you will have to inform the District 13 administration that you are unfit for combat."

_Unfit for combat? Katniss will find out in a heartbeat._

"No!" I exclaimed, pushing myself up with such momentum that I managed to haul my body into a sitting position at last. "I'm fit for combat, Dr. Lewis. I can still handle training. I'll find a way."

Dr. Lewis opened her mouth as if she planned to protest, but she was interrupted by a faint knocking on the door. She rose and peered through the small glass window at the top of the door before opening it to the visitors.

"Mr. Mellark?" she asked as he stepped inside the room, flanked by two guards. "Were you looking for me?"

Peeta smiled. "Actually, I heard that Gale was here. I wanted to stop in and see how he was holding up."

Dr. Lewis nodded. "I think that would be good for both of you. We'll continue our conversation later, Gale."

She left the room, leaving me alone with Peeta and his guards.

* * *

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	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter 22**

I groaned inwardly when Dr. Lewis closed the door behind her. _Of course something like this would happen now, right when I'm at my most vulnerable. When I'm stuck in this bed watching my whole world fall apart, I have to deal with him._

_Maybe I'm being harsh. Maybe he did just want to see how I was feeling. After all, I spent some significant time with him when he was locked up in the psych ward. _Peeta took a step closer to my bed, but then froze as if trying to decide how to proceed. He glanced at his guards, and I saw a nervous expression flash across his face. My hunter's ears picked up a slight metallic rattling. _Handcuffs?_

"You can leave him," I addressed the guards, surprising myself with the firmness in my voice. "He won't hurt me. We're..." I trailed off, searching for the right word.

"Friends," Peeta supplied. It was not the word I would have chosen.

The guards glanced at each other, nodded at me, and then exited. Peeta visibly relaxed as soon as they left the room.

"You seem to be feeling better," I observed. Peeta shrugged.

"I'm allowed to walk around the hospital now. Dr. Lewis thought it would be good for me, that it would help me remember that I'm not locked in a Capitol cell if I could have some freedom. Of course, I have to be under supervision at all times. But I'm getting my strength back. When I heard you were here, I thought I'd say hello... see if I could return the favor of a visit when you needed a friend."

"I don't need a friend."

"Fine then. We won't be friends," Peeta agreed. He raised his eyebrows at me, but I refused to retract my statement.

"I guess you could sit down," I suggested. Peeta gave me a half-smile and shook his wrists in front of him to jingle his handcuffs.

"They think I might hurt you," he explained calmly. "Like I hurt Katniss when I first arrived in District 13. But I wouldn't hurt you. No one hijacked me against you. And I think you know that."

I laughed mirthlessly. "Yeah, I think if you had wanted to kill me, you would have done that a while back."

Peeta seated himself carefully on the edge of my bed. "I'd grab a chair, but..." he began.

"It's okay. I'm sure the handcuffs weren't your idea."

Peeta grinned. "Not this time. Although I have to say, it's comforting to know that even if I have an episode, the only person who will get hurt is me." His expression grew more serious. "It's hard to look a nurse in the eye the day after you hit her while flailing around on the floor as she tried to restrain you for your own safety."

Not knowing how to reply, I tried to sit up, only to remember for the hundredth time that movement was impossibly painful.

"You ought to give morphling a chance," Peeta advised me.

"Absolutely not."

Peeta laughed. "Look, if anyone was originally skeptical of that stuff, it was me. Don't you remember that time when you visited me right after I arrived in District 13 and Dr. Lewis tried to give me an injection?"

_Peeta, strapped down to his bed and whimpering. Scared half to death of friendly Dr. Lewis, who only wanted to calm him down with a diluted dose of morphling. Holding Peeta's hand, trying to show him that he was safe. That no one would hurt him any more. Just to keep him sane enough, for Katniss. Katniss, who doesn't know, who can't know, that I'm here now. Here like this._

Peeta sat on the edge of my bed, his wrists bound firmly together and his shoulders hunched over. _He's not safe. All this, and he's still not safe. All this, and neither of us can give Katniss what she needs. Protection. Sanity. Love?_

I knew what I had to do.

"Peeta?"

"What?"

"If I agree to the morphling drip... will I be able to move without as much pain?"

Peeta laughed. "Why do you think they gave it to me after I was rescued from the Capitol? You saw my scars on the hovercraft. And Dr. Lewis says you just have a shoulder wound. The morphling should clear the pain for that right up."

I sighed. This was a price I had no choice but to pay.

"Okay. When Dr. Lewis comes back, I'll ask her about giving me an IV."

At this, Peeta laughed out loud. He stood carefully from the edge of my bed and walked to the IV stand on my left-hand side. "I don't think you'll need Dr. Lewis. This is all set up and ready to go. Hold out your arm, would you?"

"What are you doing?" I asked in a mix of surprise and concern as Peeta fumbled the IV in his awkwardly restrained hands.

"I don't think you realize just how much time I've spent around needles," said Peeta. He winked at me, although his eyes weren't smiling. "Now I mean it. We're going to put you out of whatever agony you claim to be in. Hold out that wrist."

Not knowing what else to do, I obeyed Peeta and extended my left arm. Carefully, Peeta inserted the needle into my skin and hit the plunger. I hardly felt the needle slip into my vein.

"You're good," I whispered, admiring Peeta's handiwork with the IV.

"Too good."


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter 23**

The days passed slowly, methodically. I woke in the hospital each morning, disoriented and blinking in the blinding white glare that seemed to radiate from every surface. Then came a visit from a member of the medical staff-sometimes Dr. Lewis or Prim if I was lucky. After Peeta's first visit, I stopped resisting the morphling. With the shame in the pain medication came the ability to sit up unassisted and to leave the hospital for breakfast in the cafeteria. There, I met Katniss. We ate side-by-side by in silence, the chasm between us growing with some invisible force that I could not identify. We trained, the morphling dulling the pain in my shoulder to a manageable throbbing. After lunch, I met with Beetee in the Special Defenses unit. I tinkered mindlessly with traps and explosives, trying to engineer something, anything, that might be useful in defending Katniss and the rebels. After dinner with my mother and brothers, I slipped away to the hospital to rest. When my mother asked why I was not sleeping in our assigned residence, I told her that I was sleeping in the Special Defenses unit so that I could work late with Beetee. She never followed up on the story, and my guilt for the lie was far surpassed by my need to shield my mother from the truth.

With the morphling, my days were tolerable. It was the nights in the hospital that reminded me how vulnerable I had become. As soon as I was back in my room, a nurse came to inject me with another high dose of morphling. Under the influence of the drug, I felt ungrounded and exposed. Often, as I lay in bed for hours waiting for sleep to take me, Peeta would come and visit. His movements were still limited to the hospital wing, but his guards let him sit unwatched in my room for as long as I would allow.

"You don't have to leave him here in handcuffs," I told the guard one day as Peeta was escorted from my room. "He won't hurt me. And he's been in this hospital for ages. Wouldn't it be good to let him ease a bit farther back into normal society?" The next evening, Peeta sat beside my bed with his arms resting freely in his lap.

Some nights, we said nothing to each other. I never fully understood why Peeta came on those nights. Was it loneliness that drove him to my room? A sense of debt? Fear? Other nights, we would make small talk. I told him about my training, about Finnick and Annie's blossoming romance, about how the other District 12 citizens were acclimating to life in District 13. We avoided the topic of Katniss.

One night, while the morphling trickled into my arm and I searched unsuccessfully for a conversation topic to ease the awkward silence, Peeta cut me off.

"Did I love her?"

I froze. For a moment, the room was so silent that I could almost hear the drug easing into my bloodstream.

"Did you love... who?" I asked, even though I already knew the answer.

"Katniss."

Here it was. A pain the morphling could not dull.

"I think so," I answered hesitantly. "Yes. You did."

Peeta gritted his teeth and closed his eyes, as if trying to fight off a bout of rage.

"Why? Why did I love her?"

"You don't know?"

"If I've learned anything from my therapy sessions it's that I don't know much of anything right now. So can't you tell me?"

"Look, Peeta," I answered slowly, "I don't know why you loved her. Apparently you two had some kind of romantic moment over a loaf of bread or something like that way back when. But I don't get it."

Peeta nodded carefully.

"I've been told that you love her."

I looked away. This wasn't something I wanted to discuss with Peeta. "I do love her. Very much."

"Does she love you?"

"I need rest. You should go," I said firmly.

"I'm not leaving. I need answers, Gale. Does Katniss Everdeen love you?"

I stared coldly at Peeta for a long moment. But his gaze was not defensive. Instead, it was full of confusion and hurt. How easy it was to forget that he was broken.

"I don't know, Peeta. I sure hope she does."

This seemed to satisfy Peeta, and he nodded slowly.

"Thanks, Gale."

"Don't the doctors tell you about this stuff in your therapy sessions?"

Peeta shook his head. "Usually just hearing her name sets off an episode," he confessed. "But I feel safe when I'm talking to you. I think it's because you visited me so much when I first arrived here. I associate you with hope... with the idea that everything will be okay. Maybe that's crazy, especially considering that at one point we might have been rivals for Katniss's attention. But I don't want her anymore, Gale. You can have her, if you can stand her."

"Watch it," I hissed. "You say one more word against Katniss, and I don't care if you're crazy, it's you who I won't be able to stand."

"I'm sorry," Peeta rushed, and I could tell he was just saying it to calm me down. Still, I let it go.

"Maybe you should ask Katniss these questions. She'd know best," I suggested.

"Meet with Katniss? Me? Are you crazy?"

"Last I checked blood poisoning doesn't affect my sanity level," I joked. But Peeta froze and stared at me.

"You have blood poisoning? I thought it was just a shoulder wound." I grimaced as the realization spread across his face.

"It's not as bad as yours was," I assured him. "I just need to be kept on lots of pain medication until the doctors can find a cure for it."

"The morphling."

"Yeah. You talked me into submitting to it. And I confess that I'm glad you did." I smiled in an attempt to lighten the mood.

"Does Prim know about this?"

"Yes," I affirmed. This seemed to calm Peeta.

"You'll be okay," he reassured me, although he didn't sound confident.

"And so will you. Talk to Katniss, Peeta," I advised him again, reading the suspicion on his face. "Just give her a chance. Get to know her again. She really misses you."

* * *

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	24. Chapter 24

**Chapter 24**

"I've asked Haymitch to arrange for me and Katniss to see each other," Peeta blurted out as soon as he walked into my hospital room the next evening.

"Give me a hand with this morphling drip, would you?" I asked, dodging the subject of Katniss while fumbling with the long needle. It had been a long day. The morphling had worn off mid-afternoon, and I had spent dinner trying to conceal my agony from my mother. By the end of the meal, I was barely able to feed myself. I headed back to the hospital hungry and so weak that two of the nurses had to help me walk back to my room.

Peeta walked over to my bedside and without bothering to swab my arm clean like the nurses usually did, poked the needle roughly but accurately into my forearm. I passed him a roll of tape and he ripped off a piece to pin the length of the needle down against my skin.

"How does that feel?" he asked, placing the roll of tape back on the IV stand.

"Fine, I guess," I sighed, easing myself onto the mattress. "Needles weren't really a Seam thing. I guess I'm just not used to them yet."

Peeta grinned. "Katniss's mother sure didn't need them. Although she did give you a morphling injection after your whipping. But you might not remember that."

"You were there?"

"Yeah. I helped carry you back there from the square."

I shrugged. This wasn't a memory that I wanted to return to with Peeta, especially if I couldn't remember the whole story.

"You'll get used to the needles," Peeta continued, carefully steering the conversation away from my whipping as though he could detect my discomfort. He closed his eyes for a moment as if making a decision and then slowly rolled up his long sleeves to expose his forearms. His skin was puckered with hundreds of small pink scars.

"The Capitol?" I whispered.

"The Capitol," he confirmed. He shuddered, his eyes slipping into darkness just for a moment before he pulled himself out of whatever memory was haunting him. "I don't want to talk about it," he muttered.

"That bad, huh?"

Peeta took a deep breath. "The doctors say I'm supposed to try to talk about those experiences when it feels safe to do so."

"You're safe," I reassured him. "Go on."

Peeta opened his mouth as if to speak, but the words caught in his throat. Finally, he was able to compose himself enough to proceed. "It's not the needles that I think of, Gale. Although they were bad. It's the hands, everywhere."

"Hands?" I prompted him.

"When the peacekeepers would try to get me onto the table for hijacking. Hands all over my body, pushing me to the floor. Grabbing my arms and legs and pushing down on my head and neck while I struggled. Then yanking my arms tightly behind my back and hauling me up onto the table. And hands all over when they gave me the tracker jacker venom injections. Pressing down on my chest and my feet and my face. As soon as the venom hits your bloodstream it feels like you're surrounded not by six captors but by sixty."

"I'm sorry, Peeta," I whispered, not knowing what else to say. He shook his head and tried to smile.

"I'll live with those memories for the rest of my life. We'll all live with our nightmares from the Games. Even you."

"Could you turn up the drip a bit?" I asked before Peeta settled into his usual chair beside my bed. He obliged and twisted the dial to the right. "A little more," I pleaded. Peeta twisted the dial several notches further.

"No farther," he insisted. "It'll make you sick if you have too much of it in your bloodstream. But that level should knock you out pretty soon. You'll sleep all night." He rolled his eyes. "Just remember to call my guards before you drift off, okay? I'm only allowed to be by myself here when you're actively supervising."

"I'll call them now, then," I told him, the morphling already slurring my speech. Peeta nodded resignedly. I tried to reach for the red call button next to my bed, but my arm fell limp. Peeta pressed it for me.

"Nurse's station, Prim speaking, how can I help you, Gale?"

"It's Peeta," he corrected her. "We've got Gale's morphling drip up pretty high tonight. Can you send the guards to take me back to my room?"

"Sure. I'm sending them over right now."

Almost as soon as the line went dead, two guards entered my room without knocking.

"Soldier Hawthorne," one of them acknowledged respectfully, and I did my best to nod in reply. Peeta stood and walked silently over to the guards. He turned so that one of them could cuff his hands firmly behind his back. As my eyelids began to close, I could sense his shame. Even here, safe in District 13, more hands grasped his shoulders to steer him from the room.

"Please be gentle of him," I tried to call after the guards, but I had lost the strength to move my lips.

* * *

**Thanks so much for reading! Don't forget to add _Gale's Amaranth _to your alerts list to get the many updates yet to come! The story reached a record number of readers last week, and I'm thrilled that so many people are following along. But please don't be a stranger! Let me know what you think of the story so far, what you'd like to see more of, your favorite parts, or whatever other thoughts you have! Reviews make my day and encourage me to update, update, update :) Have a wonderful weekend!**


	25. Chapter 25

**Chapter 25**

_The crowd was pressing in around me. Everywhere I looked were familiar faces. Greasy Sae. Madge. My brothers. Peeta. My mother. Katniss. My father. All staring at me with huge, haunted Seam eyes._

_Don't scream, Gale. You can't scream. If you scream, your mother will cry. If you scream, Katniss will panic. And if you scream, your father will walk away. He raised you to be a man. So step up and carry the weight of manhood in this mad world on your shoulders._

_Hands, everywhere. Yanking my arms up above my head and binding them to the wooden post. Ripping the shirt from my back. Pushing me right up against the post so that I felt the sun-beaten wood against my cheek._

_I heard the snap of the whip and waited for it to collide with my flesh. Come on, come on, come on. Tick tock, this is a clock. Let me go, let me run away, let me feel the grass between my toes and stretch my arms out wide and follow the sound of Katniss's voice, wherever it will take me. Come on, where's the pain. I'm a man now, I can take it, get it over with, let me run free. Stop watching me, stop touching me, I'm not an animal!_

_I sank to my knees in the dirt. With my arms still restrained above my head, my shoulders were wrenched backwards. Tick tock, let me die a man. Tick tock, Dad, please don't walk away. Tick tock, Dad, I miss you, don't leave me here like this. I'll make you proud. Just let me show you that I won't scream._

But I woke up screaming in my District 13 hospital room, still waiting for the whip to crash down against my back. Badly shaken, I ripped the IV needle from my arm and climbed out of bed. I fumbled around for the call button and slammed my trembling palm against it.

"Nurse's station, this is Prim speaking. How may I help you?"

"Prim, I need to talk to Peeta."

"Gale... do you realize how late it is? Peeta is supposed to be sleeping in his room right now."

"It's an emergency. Please, Prim. I know he won't mind."

Prim sighed. "Okay. Meet me in front of his room. I'll slip into the observation room next door and check whether he's still awake."

"Thanks, Prim." The line clicked dead. I slipped on a pair of shoes, not bothering to change out of my gray, hospital-issue pajamas.

_I can't turn to my mother. How could I unload my own feelings about losing my father onto her, when she still struggles to take life one day at a time without him? And after her effort to keep the brutality of my whipping from my brothers... I can't go to them. I can't undermine her like that, I can't terrify the boys like that when they're in enough real danger themselves. And Katniss... I have to be strong, for Katniss._

_Peeta might not understand. But at least he doesn't need me to be strong. There aren't any nightmares left to hide from him._

* * *

By the time I reached Peeta's room, Prim was slipping out of the observation room and back into the corridor.

"He's awake," she whispered. "He ought to be sleeping. But he's curled up in the corner right now with his eyes open. Try to get him back into bed before you leave, would you?"

"I will," I promised. Prim unlocked the door to Peeta's room and turned to walk down the hall. "Prim- wait! Is there anyone in the observation room right now?"

Prim looked at me suspiciously. "No... why do you ask?"

"I just want a moment alone with Peeta. Is that okay?"

She shrugged. "I won't check in on you two. Just make sure he gets some sleep, okay? His episodes are worse when he's exhausted."

"Will do."

Quietly so as not to alarm Peeta, I opened his door.

"Peeta," I whispered into the darkness, "do you mind if I come in?"

"Who's there?" he demanded.

"It's Gale. I just wanted to talk to you for a minute if that's all right."

"Turn on the lights so that I can see you."

I obliged and turned the lights on dimly. Peeta was huddled in the back corner of his room, his good knee tucked to his chest. His prosthetic leg lay abandoned beside him. He reminded me of the boy I had rescued from the Capitol not long ago._  
_

"Better with the lights?" I asked. Peeta watched me distrustingly.

"You were screaming. I heard you."

"I had a nightmare," I explained. _He heard me? Must not be a very sound sleeper._

"Are you sure about that?"

It took me a long moment to realize what Peeta meant. _He's trying to figure out where he is._

"Peeta, we're in District 13. We're in the hospital. You're safe. And I'm safe, too. I just had a nightmare... I woke up screaming. But no one was hurting me. And no one is going to hurt you."

Peeta began to tremble. He shrank farther back into his corner, as though he wanted to put more space between us. I sighed and picked up the blanket that lay folded at the end of his bed. Peeta's fearful expression gave way to one of confusion as I wrapped the blanket around his shoulders, draping his shivering body in the soft white fleece. Then I sank to my knees beside him.

"See? You're safe," I repeated.

Peeta pulled the blanket more tightly around himself and closed his eyes.

"What if she hurts me?" he asked.

"Katniss?"

"Yeah."

"You're nervous about seeing her?"

"Of course I am. She might try to kill me," he stated matter-of-factly. I took a deep breath, biting back the harsh words that I wanted to spit out in Katniss's defense.

"She won't hurt you. You'll see, Peeta."

"You trust her. But you shouldn't trust her, Gale."

"Peeta," I said slowly, "I love Katniss. I will always love Katniss. And I will always trust her. I promise you, she won't hurt you." _At least, not physically. God knows Katniss can kill a man in other ways. _"Look, Peeta, I know the Capitol messed with your memories of her when you were captured. But hasn't your therapy helped you to sort things out in your head?"

Peeta shrank even further back into his blanket. "My name is Peeta Mellark. I am seventeen years old. I have one leg. I have no family. I have Haymitch, and Johanna, and Annie, and you. I'm... I'm in District 13? Locked in a hospital room in District 13. I used to be locked in a cell in the Capitol. But District 13 is different. No one beats me here. No one starves me here. The doctors want me to get better here. Because I'm... well, I'm not crazy. The doctors tell me I'm not crazy and that I shouldn't call myself crazy. They tell me I'm just confused. They tell me they're going to help me figure out which of my memories are wrong. I know... I used to know... a girl named Katniss Everdeen. The doctors say she won't kill me. You say she won't kill me. But I'm not so sure." He paused. "How am I doing? All correct so far?"

"You're doing great," I assured him. This made Peeta smile.

"Why did you come to visit me in the middle of the night?"

I looked away. "After my nightmare... I didn't want to be alone. I thought I wanted to talk about it."

"Do you still want to talk about it?" Peeta asked. His eyes were full of a gentle sincerity, far too old for his years.

"No," I said softly but firmly. "That's okay. I feel better now." But I didn't. _I was wrong. I can't unload my fears onto anyone. Peeta is still living his nightmares, and he's running out of corner space for retreat. _"Let's get you into bed. I promised Prim that I wouldn't keep you up."

I motioned for Peeta to lean on my good shoulder so that he could ease himself up off the floor.

"Can you make it on one foot?" I asked, eyeing the complicated-looking prosthetic on the floor.

"I can hop over. Just keep me upright."

We made the journey a few inches at a time, until Peeta was close enough to his bed to hoist himself up onto the mattress. He used both arms to drag his good leg onto the bed. I retrieved the white blanket from the corner and helped him spread it over his body.

"Thanks, Gale. Do you mind leaving the light on when you leave? I sleep better with it on."

"No problem, Peeta. Get some rest."

As I opened the door, I could hear him whispering to himself. "My name is Peeta Mellark, I am seventeen years old..."

I slipped out of the room and closed the door softly behind me. The lock automatically clicked shut. _So that's it, then. He'll stay in there alone until morning, when one of the nurses will stop by to check in on him. His guards will come to take him to therapy. A nurse will bring him food. He'll lie there, trying to figure out what's real and what's not. And after he's made it through another day, he'll come to keep me company. He'll use whatever strength he has left to help a near-stranger whom he calls his friend._

"Well, I'll be damned. We really do have to stop meeting like this," slurred a familiar, drunken voice from the shadows.

* * *

**Thank you so much for reading! I'm so grateful to everyone who has taken the time to review the story so far. Please take a moment to say hello- it really does make my day! I update this for my wonderful readers, and I truly hope that it's living up to your expectations. Thanks again!**


	26. Chapter 26

**Chapter 26**

I froze in my tracks, and then spun around to confront the voice from the shadows. "Haymitch?"

"Let's have a little chat, kid," he slurred, stumbling into the light.

"Look, Haymitch, it's late, I should-"

Haymitch grabbed me by the collar of my gray hospital pajama shirt. "Exactly," he growled at me. "It's late. It's the middle of the night, my boy in there is wide awake, and we're both out wandering the halls. Don't try to tell me that all is right and cheerful in District 13 tonight."

I jerked away and glared at Haymitch, but this didn't seem to alarm him at all.

"That's right, kid," he said, smirking. "Now let's talk."

Haymitch opened the door to Peeta's observation room and held it for me. Typical Haymitch, tossing in a gesture of sarcastic chivalry while completely intoxicated.

"We're going in there to talk?" I asked skeptically.

Haymitch dramatically rolled his head toward the door, motioning for me to enter. "I don't have all night," he muttered.

I slipped into the room and Haymitch followed closely behind me. We left the lights off. Beyond the observation window, I could make out Peeta's form lying in bed. He had pulled the white blanket all the way up to his chin. Haymitch pulled two chairs over to the window and gestured for me to sit.

"He's asked to see Katniss," Haymitch said bluntly.

"I know."

"He said it was your idea."

"It was."

Haymitch and I glanced at each other, but then immediately averted our eyes. I watched as Peeta tossed and turned beneath the blanket, most likely trying to find a comfortable position. With just one leg, he used his arms to readjust himself on the bed. I wanted to leave, but it didn't feel right. Instead, I waited for Haymitch to drop the other shoe.

"Is he going to try to kill her?" he demanded.

I looked at Haymitch in surprise. His squinted at me, his chin set forward as though he were trying to keep his emotions in check beneath a hard, thick shell.

"Why are you asking me?"

"Because you love her." I said nothing. Haymitch rolled his eyes. "Look, kid. District 13 would like us to think that it's bending over backwards to protect that girl. But we both know you care more about her safety than anyone else in Panem. So if you think there's a danger in letting Peeta see her, now is your chance to speak up."

I stood and walked right up to the glass that separated us from Peeta. The glass that labelled him as a prisoner of his own mind. _Haymitch has a point. If I don't speak up for Katniss's safety now, no one will. He's torn. He loves Peeta like a son, and yet he cares for Katniss too. Whatever went on between those three is probably a relationship I'll never understand. He can't deny Peeta a chance at healing, and yet he can't endanger Katniss. He's asking me to take the pressure off his shoulders, to either reassure him that Katniss will be okay to meet with Peeta, or to save him the agony of having to deny Peeta a piece of the therapy that might save him from himself, someday._

Peeta pushed himself up into a sitting position, letting his blanket fall into his lap. He was breathing heavily, but he seemed to be trying to pull himself together. I watched as he carefully pushed his left sleeve back, and then his right. He ran his fingers down the puckered skin that extended from his wrists to his elbows. Then he slowly unbuttoned his gray hospital pajama shirt. Even with his carefully-monitored District 13 diet, he was still much thinner than he had been before his imprisonment in the Capitol. The gray fabric slipped easily off his shoulders and tumbled down around his waist on the bed. With his arms crossed over his body, he ran his fingers down his shoulders, his chest, his stomach. In the dark, I couldn't make out what he felt beneath his fingertips. But it didn't take much effort to imagine the physical evidence of his torture as Peeta relived the scars of his past.

"He's still trying to figure out where he is," Haymitch whispered. Suddenly, the full circumstances of our meeting dawned on me.

"You watched me visit with Peeta," I said slowly. "You must have slipped in right after Prim left."

"Smart boy."

"You weren't supposed to be watching us!" I hissed.

"You never told me that I couldn't."

I watched as Peeta slipped the shirt back over his bony shoulders. He wrapped his arms around his calf and guided his leg back onto the bed. Then he wrapped himself tightly in the blanket and rocked slowly back and forth on the mattress.

The concern on Haymitch's face told me everything that he couldn't. _He can't bear to see Peeta like this. And yet he can't stand to leave him alone, either. He knows what I realized earlier tonight: that when the lock clicks shut on Peeta's bedroom door, he is completely helpless._

"You care about him, too," Haymitch whispered. "Maybe for the wrong reasons. But you don't want him to get hurt." I paused, and then nodded. Haymitch continued. "I spoke with Dr. Lewis. He wants to wait a few more weeks before we try to arrange a meeting. And even then, Peeta won't be allowed to see her unless he's been excessively restrained."

"He can see her, if she wants to visit him," I said softly. "I trust Dr. Lewis to take the necessary precautions." _And I trust Peeta to fight his demons as hard as he can_.

"Good. And one more thing, kid."

"What is it?"

"Finnick and Annie are getting married. There will be a party. You will be required to attend. And I expect you to behave. Not because I particularly care about you, but because I want your... cousin... to be able to stay under the radar as much as possible that night. Got it?"

I walked out of the room, letting the door slam closed behind me.

* * *

**Thank you for reading! We're not even halfway through, so don't forget to add _Gale's Amaranth_ to your alerts list so that you get the many, many updates yet to come! And please leave a review before you go-they're really helpful to me and they make my day! I read and consider all of them.**


	27. Chapter 27

**Chapter 27**

"He's coming to!"

"Don't crowd him."

"Someone get his vitals."

_Katniss, wait!_

"How's the IV drip level?"

"Give him some space!"

"It's normal. The morphling drip is normal."

"Pulse is fast and he's running a fever."

_I just wanted to see how it would feel, please don't go!_

"Did someone call Dr. Lewis?"

"Really, everyone, he needs some air!"

"Doctor's on her way."

"Prim?"

"Right here."

_Katniss..._

"He only needs Prim and the doctor."

"She says she'll be here in two minutes."

"Can't I stay?"

"Peeta, Prim can take it from here."

"Please, I'm reading Prim's book and Gale won't mind."

"You can read in your room. Soldier Hawthorne needs medical attention right now."

"It's the middle of the day- do I really have to be locked up right now? I'll stay out of the way and I'll stay calm. Dr. Lewis gave me some breathing tricks last week that help-"

"Oh, please let him stay. He won't cause any trouble."

"Just stay quiet and don't crowd him."

I opened my eyes slowly, blinking. I was in my District 13 hospital room, lying in bed with an IV in my left forearm.

"Take it slow, Gale," Prim advised. I squinted up at her face as it gained clarity in my vision. She leaned over me and checked my eyes with a small flashlight. I closed them tightly until I heard the light click off.

I tried to work back through how I had gotten here. _The nightmare. Visiting Peeta. Leaving Peeta. Talking to Haymitch. Storming out of the observation room? _But I couldn't get any farther than that.

"You passed out," Prim explained as she removed my IV and swabbed the injection site clean on my forearm. "You were only a few feet in front of Peeta's doorway. I should have stayed to keep an eye on you. I found you in the morning when I went to check on Peeta."

"I'm fine," I assured her, although my voice was so weak that it caught on the words. _I passed out? In front of Peeta's room of all places? No, things can't have come to this..._

Dr. Lewis knocked softly on the door and let herself in.

"Good morning, Prim, Gale, Peeta," she said as she bustled about the room, checking clipboards and monitors, washing her hands, and donning a stethoscope and lab coat. She deftly removed my IV and tossed the used needle into the trash can.

"Can you turn over onto your stomach by yourself?" Prim asked. I nodded and unbuttoned my hospital pajama shirt, then readjusted myself as Prim pulled back the blankets. Dr. Lewis approached behind me, and soon I felt warm latex-covered fingers prodding at my shoulder wound. I no longer felt self-conscious letting the female hospital staff examine me in my vulnerable state. It was dehumanizing, and I accepted that. I had fought too hard for too long, and this was one battle to which I could surrender. While Prim and Dr. Lewis whispered to each other, I snatched at the glorious but fading remnants of a happier moment for comfort.

_I kissed her. Yes, that really happened, it's not just some figment of my imagination. In the woods, with the wind blowing around us, safe in the home we shared for all those years. I took her thin face in my hands, cradling her Seam gaze in my heart. I pressed my lips against hers, a forceful, long kiss. And just for a moment, my lips grazed her teeth. A teasing moment from a dream forever gone._

"It's getting worse, Gale," Dr. Lewis said bluntly, tearing me away from my impossible bliss. "We've been searching for a treatment, but there's nothing in District 13 medicine that can heal you right now."

"It's true," Prim affirmed as she placed fresh bandages over my shoulder. "I've been reading all of the medical books as part of my training. But there's nothing there for you."

_Nothing there. No treatment. No hope. _

"We're still searching, but you ought to know..."

_No hope. No hope. No hope._

_So this is how it will end._

_No hope. No hope. No hope._

I closed my eyes and gave into the pain, letting myself slip from reality...

"Gale, stay with us," Dr. Lewis instructed from somewhere far above me.

_The wedding.__ Annie and Finnick. Behaving myself? Peeta. Katniss. Peeta and Katniss. But I'd kissed her... did I really kiss her?_

"He's losing consciousness again."

_No hope. No hope. No hope._

"His breathing is too rapid. His body can't handle this. I'll call for help!"

"Gale, stay with us!"

"Peeta, sit down!"

"Gale, it's Peeta, come on, you have to stay here!"

"Peeta, we don't have time for this."

"Just put his IV back in, please, Dr. Lewis. I'll talk him out of it. He just needs to know that it's okay to stay here."

"Emergency Desk is sending a team."

"I saved Johanna when she was like this-"

"No, Peeta! Get out of the way or-"

"Gale, come back. There's still hope. We're not giving up-"

_He kissed her. He kissed her on national television. He made me watch. I thought the last memories I would have of her would be contaminated by his lips burning hers._

"Peeta, if you don't sit down, we'll have to have you taken out."

_Haymitch wants me to let her go. He wants me to let Peeta have her, for the cameras. But Peeta doesn't want her. She needs me, but I'll never be allowed to love her, as long as he's alive. It's time to let go..._

"Gale, don't let go! Listen to me! Dying is easier but it isn't the answer. You've got to hang on! Do it for your family, do it for the rebellion, do it for me and Prim-"

_Letting go, letting go, letting go..._

"Peeta, don't touch him! You're out of control!"

"Come on, Gale, don't go yet, it's not your time!"

_Letting go... letting go..._

"We're losing him!"

"Gale, you have to hope-"

_Letting... go..._

_A door slamming open. Hands, everywhere._

"Don't touch me! I'm not hurting him!"

"Please take him back-"

"Let me go!"

_Touching my neck and my chest and pumping against my ribcage to make my lungs give air, air, air... how can I let go? Air, air, air..._

I opened my eyes. A team of emergency nurses were gathered around me. Prim and Dr. Lewis watched my anxiously as the other nurses backed away to give me room to breathe. By the door, Peeta stood in the grips of two stern-looking male nurses, who kept his arms pinned tightly behind his back. He wasn't struggling, perhaps because he knew better, but there was a wild look in his eyes.

"Gale, please, make them let me go!" he begged. _He kissed her. He stole her from me, forever. How could I forget, even for a moment? _

"Gale, just focus on your breathing, deep and slow..."

"Someone check his temperature."

I submitted numbly to the nurses who collected my vital signs and inserted a fresh IV needle into my arm.

"Gale, please," Peeta pleaded again as he was steered around to face the door.

"You're a monster," I hissed at him, a sudden rage for Peeta growing within me and deeper than any anger I had ever felt toward him before.

The blood drained from Peeta's face. He opened his mouth as if to speak but fell silent and allowed the nurses to escort him out of the room.

"Peeta, wait," Prim called. "I'm going to come and visit you later, okay?" Peeta said nothing, but paused before the nurses could walk him down the corridor. Prim rushed over to the chair where he had been sitting and picked up a thick, worn book that rested on the seat. "And take the book. You can finish reading on your own, okay?" She tucked the book beneath one of Peeta's arms. He rewarded her with a small, sad smile.

Prim closed the door and turned back toward me. Behind the scurrying of the medical staff around my bed, I caught a stare colder than the most bitter Seam winter night.

* * *

**Thank you so much for reading! I know that this was a slow update. I had most of the chapter drafted for a long time but couldn't decide how I felt about it. I'm so curious to hear your thoughts-please leave a review! I really do read and appreciate all of them. Many, many, many updates still yet to come, so don't forget to add _Gale's Amaranth_ to your alerts list. Thanks again!**


	28. Chapter 28

**Chapter 28**

"Open your eyes. I don't care if you're dying. What you did to Peeta is unforgivable."

I didn't know how long I had been lying in my hospital room. Dr. Lewis had said something about "making me comfortable" and had turned up my morphling drip before leaving me to rest.

"What... Prim..." I whispered, groggy from the drug.

"Look. I realize that you've been through a lot and that you have a lot of anger bottled up inside. But taking it out on Peeta is not the answer. You set him back, Gale. He found a safe haven in your friendship and you just wrenched that away from him!"

I blinked, slightly dazed. _Peeta, reading in my room. The doctors insisting that he sit quietly while... while I almost gave up? Then Peeta being escorted out. Against his will.__  
_

_And I had called him a monster._

"Damnit."

"Yes. You know what you did."

"Prim, I'm sorry. I'm angry with him about... about other things, okay? But I didn't mean to set him back."

Prim took a deep breath as if to clear her thoughts, and then took a seat on the edge of my bed.

"I visited him earlier this evening. The nurses who brought him back to his room reported that he was shaking so badly that they needed to restrain him in case one of his episodes came on. So when I walked into his room, hours after you sent him away like that, he was still strapped down to the bed, trembling. Haven't you ever considered how he must feel when that happens? How vulnerable he is? We work so hard to show him that he's safe here, to help him get over his fears from the Capitol. It took a month to convince him to get near running water without one of us practically forcing him toward it. He was finally starting to feel comfortable here. The hospital staff were starting to trust him. You had befriended him. And then in some fit of misdirected rage you had to remind him that he's barely sane."

"I didn't mean it like that," I defended myself. But Prim shook her head in disgust.

"It doesn't matter how you meant it. You said it. Maybe you don't realize it, but he feels awful about what he did to Katniss when he first came here."

"He does? I thought he hated her."

"No, Gale. He doesn't like her. But he's come to realize that attempting to strangle her was Capitol-induced violence. He hates that the Capitol made him a brainwashed weapon."

I sighed and Prim reached for my hand. She stroked my frail, thin fingers with her small, soft ones.

"So what do we do now?" I asked quietly.

"We wait. I talked to him until he was calm and then let him out of his restraints. He's been out with Dr. Lewis since then. She's been taking him on her rounds to visit patients. We're hoping that letting him walk around with relative freedom will calm his nerves. But he's so scared, Gale."

"Prim, I'm so sorry..."

She gave me a sad, sympathetic smile. Then she leaned over to turn up my morphling drip another notch.

"It's okay. It's Peeta's forgiveness you need, not mine."

But my focus was glued to the morphling dial.

"Why did you turn that up?"

"Gale, it's okay. Don't be nervous."

"I don't need it up that high! I'm fine."

"Gale, I know the reality is hard to face. But you aren't fine. And you aren't going to be fine."

There was a soft knocking on the door. Prim rose to open it for Dr. Lewis, who entered swiftly. She paused, glanced at me, and then back out into the hallway.

"Peeta?"

"I want to go back to my cell now... my room..."

Dr. Lewis and Prim exchanged worried looks. Then Prim walked out into the hallway. "It's okay, Peeta," she said in a barely audible whisper. "Gale didn't mean what he said." She took his right hand in hers, wrapped her left arm around his waist, and steered him slowly into my room and over to a chair in the corner. He obediently took a seat. He was still holding Prim's book, gripping it close to his chest as if for comfort.

"I'm so sorry, Peeta. I didn't mean it like that."

Peeta shook his head and grimaced slightly. "But you were right, Gale. I am a monster."

"No, Peeta," Prim assured him. "The Capitol hurt you in terrible ways. That doesn't make you a monster."

As Dr. Lewis checked my IV drip and my vital signs, I watched Peeta trembling in the corner. He refused to make eye contact with me and instead kept his eyes trained on Prim, who knelt down beside him, whispering softly. Her gentle words seemed to reassure him somewhat, and after a few minutes he even managed a small smile.

"Prim, I want you to stay with Gale. Keep his morphling up high enough that he's not in any pain," Dr. Lewis instructed.

"Katniss would want to know," Prim said quietly but resolutely.

"No! Please don't tell her," I begged. "You promised to keep this a secret."

"Gale," Dr. Lewis said softly, "you're running out of time. Don't you think she ought to hear the truth from you? Have a chance to spend some time with you while you're still coherent?"

_To tell Katniss whether or not I was dying. An impossible choice. She won't ever forgive me, either way. I've kept the secret from her for far too long. But I wish I could see her, just one more time... spend a few more minutes with the girl I love..._

"Don't tell Katniss." Dr. Lewis, Prim, and I all looked up at Peeta in surprise. He lifted his gaze from the floor to meet my confused stare.

"I know how to save Gale's life."

* * *

**Thanks so much for reading! Finally, the story is really heating up. So thrilled to see that lots of new readers have decided to follow the story this week- don't forget to add _Gale's Amaranth _to your alerts list for the many still yet to come! And I am so grateful to my fantastic reviewers. You guys give me great feedback and I appreciate all of your advice and encouragement. Please leave a review after this chapter to let me know what you think! Thanks again & have a wonderful weekend!**


	29. Chapter 29

**Chapter 29: The Amaranth**

"Peeta?" Prim asked softly, "Are you sure?"

Peeta bit his lip and glanced nervously at me.

"It's right here," he whispered, lowering Prim's book into his lap and opening it to a loose sheet that had been inserted between the pages.

"Oh..." Prim sighed. She took the book from Peeta and ran her fingers slowly down the page. "This was my father's handwriting."

"Prim?" Dr. Lewis asked expectantly.

"It's my mother's plant book," Prim explained. "Back in District 12, plants were pretty much all we had for medicine. She kept this book with pictures and descriptions of all the plants she knew. But this one..." she trailed off and swallowed. "I can't remember her ever using this one. The handwriting and illustration are both in my father's hand. He must have added it for her."

"There's a note on the other side," Peeta added quietly. Prim flipped the page over to read the text scrawled on the back of the page.

" 'To my beautiful bride, a little something for your book- I found this in the woods today with Katniss. The amaranth is a soft, red, feathery flower. It's rare- until this morning, I thought it was only a pretty story for those who hope. Someday, I hope it will be of you use to you. But this morning, it looked so lovely in our daughter's hair. There's nothing like it to help someone cling to life, and legend has it that if you eat it, you can never die.' " Prim paused and glanced up at Dr. Lewis, who raised her eyebrows and shrugged. Prim read the last sentence with a lump in her throat: " 'Who knows if that's true, but at least, it's a beautiful flower for your book, a little something to make the girl I love smile.' "

Dr. Lewis smiled. "Your father must be a wonderful husband. I'm not sure about his medical expertise, though."

Prim closed the book and tucked the extra page with the drawing of the amaranth neatly inside. "He _was _a wonderful husband. And the best father a girl could ask for."

"Prim... I'm so sorry..."

"It's okay. You couldn't have known."

A thick silence hung in the air. When Peeta finally spoke, his voice was barely audible.

"It could save Gale. You both heard what Mr. Everdeen wrote. 'Legend has it that if you eat it, you can never die.' District 13 medicine can't save him. Mrs. Everdeen doesn't have a plant in there for blood poisoning. This could be our last chance."

Dr. Lewis smiled gently at Peeta, as though she were about to speak to a small child. "Peeta, we all appreciate your effort to help out here. But that flower is just a legend. We don't have any medical proof that it can save Soldier Hawthorne."

"With all respect, Dr. Lewis..." Prim cut in, "my father wrote that it is a legend for those who hope. We don't have much for Gale right now. Shouldn't we at least hold onto that for him? Hope?"

"That would be nice," I offered sarcastically. But Prim grinned and Dr. Lewis chuckled.

"Okay," Dr. Lewis nodded. "You're a brave kid. If you want to give this a try, it can't hurt. But I have no idea how we're even going to get ahold of one of these... amaranths."

"We'll have to find one in the woods outside of District 12," said Prim.

"That's an expensive trip."

"I know. But District 13 paid to get Peeta out of the Capitol, and I'm sure that was more expensive. Couldn't we make a case for saving Katniss's cousin, too?"

Dr. Lewis shook her head. "That's going to be next to impossible. I'm willing to try the plant, but you'll have to make arrangements to get ahold of it. Use your sister's connections."

"You can't tell Katniss," I warned Prim.

"We won't tell her," she assured me. "I just need to talk to someone pushy enough to get access to District 12. And I know just the person."

"Very well. Try to get in touch with your contact tonight. We'll follow up tomorrow?"

"That sounds good."

Dr. Lewis made her way around my room, straightening the medical equipment. I said nothing about the amaranth idea, although it seemed like a complete waste of time to me. A fairy-tale flower that Katniss had put in her hair as a child? It was so unconvincing that I didn't even dare to get my hopes up.

Dr. Lewis gestured for Prim to turn up my morphling drip another notch. The warm fuzzy feeling that flowed over me was a welcome escape from the edge of reality.

"Peeta, hon, how are you holding up?" Dr. Lewis asked as she pulled off her gloves and tossed them into the trash can.

"I'm fine."

"Prim, can you find a morphling syringe in the cabinet?"

"I'm fine!" Peeta insisted.

"It's just to calm your nerves," Dr. Lewis assured him. She donned a fresh pair of gloves and walked over to Peeta.

Prim handed Dr. Lewis a long syringe. Then she walked behind Peeta's chair and held his shoulders back as if to comfort and subdue him all at once.

"I don't want to be a monster," Peeta whispered as Dr. Lewis wiped a patch of skin on his arm clean with a cotton ball doused in alcohol. "I don't want to be a monster."

"It's okay," Prim soothed him. "You're safe. This will help you feel better."

Peeta closed his eyes and allowed Dr. Lewis to administer the drug. As I watched him struggling against his demons, the full weight of what I had done to him sank in. Every sane moment was a struggle for him. Every drop of morphling was a battle against his past, every kind word tested his sense of trust, every hand on his shoulder was first a threat. _In this moment, h__e's fighting as hard as he's ever fought._

"Can Peeta stay here with me tonight? We're both going to be pretty loopy on the morphling. You can lock us in if you have to. But that way-"

Prim beamed at me and exchanged a pleased glance with Dr. Lewis.

"Peeta?" asked Dr. Lewis.

Peeta took a deep breath and pulled forward out of Prim's grip. "Okay," he agreed.

"I'll send for a second cot," Prim said.

Peeta watched me cautiously from his corner. It was disconcerting to see a boy who was almost a man so vulnerable and distrusting, and yet so willing to forgive. There was something disturbingly puppy-like about him. _He survived two Games? He braved the Capitol's dungeon? ...He stole a piece of Katniss's heart?_

In spite of everything I had learned about Peeta, I knew there was something critical that I was missing.

* * *

**Thank you for reading! I'm so grateful to everyone who has taken the time to leave their feedback on the story so far. I really do have the best readers ever! So I wanted to get out an update soon for everyone :) Don't forget to follow _Gale's Amaranth _for the many updates yet to come, and please do take a moment to leave a review and share your thoughts! Thanks again and peace to all.**


	30. Chapter 30

**Chapter 30**

After the nursing staff rolled a second cot into my hospital room, Prim returned with a clean set of pajamas and a toothbrush for Peeta.

"Do you need anything else?" she asked as she handed him the bundle.

Peeta shook his head. "No, thanks."

"Okay. I'm going to lock the door on my way out. Gale, you know the combination for the lock keypad in case you need to leave, right?"

"Yes."

"Great. I'll see you two in the morning, then."

Peeta and I said goodnight to Prim and watched her leave until we heard the lock click from the other side of the door.

"Crazy day," I muttered to Peeta. I settled into my pillow and pushed my blanket back from my chin, where Prim had tucked it in her effort to make me comfortable for the night. With my right hand, I reached up carefully to unbutton my pajama shirt. The cool air was soothing against my feverish, bare chest.

"Yeah," Peeta agreed softly. "But thanks for offering to let me sleep here tonight. Not a night that I particularly wanted to spend alone after everything."

"We're... friends." The word felt large and rough on my tongue, but I let it fall out anyways. _Friends stand by each other._ _Even if that requires putting aside some differences. Well, lots of differences in our case._

Peeta grinned. "That's the first time you've described us that way."

"Drop the subject before I take it back, okay?" I warned, growing embarrassed.

"Fine, fine," Peeta said good-naturedly. The tension in the room at last seemed to be diffusing. "Do you still need the light?"

"No, I'm all set."

"Okay. I'm going to dim it for a moment if you don't mind then."

"Suit yourself."

Peeta walked over to the light switch by the door and pulled it down most of the way, leaving just enough light for me to make out his shadow across the room. I expected Peeta to climb into bed, but he reached for the fresh pajamas that Prim had brought him instead.

"I've seen your scars, remember?" I told him softly.

"I'd prefer to forget about that," Peeta said with a forced laugh.

"Seriously, Peeta. I carried you out of the Capitol. You can't shock me and you don't have anything to be ashamed of."

"I have plenty to be ashamed of," he said firmly as he buttoned the fresh shirt. "Mind if I turn the lights up just a bit now so that I can sleep?"

"I don't mind."

"Okay. Thanks."

I closed my eyes to block out the light and listened as Peeta climbed into bed and detached his prosthetic leg. There was a shuffling of blankets and a long sigh.

"Did you let me stay here tonight because you felt sorry for me?" he whispered. It was tempting to ignore him and pretend to be sleeping, but instead, I answered honestly.

"No. It's because I feel terrible about what I said to you today."

"You already apologized."

"I know."

Peeta was silent for a few minutes, and I had almost decided that he had fallen asleep when he spoke again.

"Is it because of last night, too?"

_Last night. It already feels so far away. Waking up screaming in the middle of the night. Going to Peeta for some company and finding him terrified that he might be back in the Capitol._

"Maybe a little. You did seem pretty scared."

"I'm still trying to get better. That's a long way off, though," he said regretfully.

"You'll get better," I assured him. But as soon as the words were out of my mouth, I wished that I could take them back. I wanted Peeta to get better. But I didn't want him to be the same Peeta that he used to be, the Peeta who wanted Katniss and who just might be able to steal her away from me.

"Do you remember District 12 very well?" Peeta asked, catching me off-guard.

"What?"

"Your family. Your home. Can you remember those things?"

"Oh," I said quietly. _How could I have forgotten District 12? I've lived there my whole life, I've only just left. You don't forget a childhood in the Seam, the hunger and the fear and the anger. Not even if you want to. It's who I am._

"Well?" Peeta demanded.

"Yeah. I remember. My home, that is. I still have my family here in District 13. My mother and my younger siblings."

"What about your father?"

"He died."

"In the District 12 bombing?" Peeta pressed.

"No. In a mine accident."

"Like Mr. Everdeen?"

I paused. _Doesn't he realize it's insensitive to push this topic? Then again, he's spent so much time around death that maybe it doesn't phase him the same way as it does most people. It's a fact of life for him, another set of bars in the prison that is his mind, torturing him._

"My father died in the same explosion that killed Mr. Everdeen," I said slowly, as though trying to explain the incident to a child.

"Do you miss him?" Peeta asked softly.

"No."

"You don't miss your own father?"

"No." _I don't care if he's crazy. He needs to drop this topic, right now._

"Why not?"

"He's gone, okay?" I said, my voice rising. "He's been gone for years. I've taken care of my family without him. He's just a memory, Peeta. Memories don't feed you or keep you safe at night. So it's best to let them go."

I took a deep breath and tried to subdue the anger that I felt welling up inside of me. _Is it anger, though, Gale? Or is it hurt? Betrayal? Loss? No. I'm a Seam kid. I adapt, I keep running._

"I'm sorry you feel that way," Peeta whispered. "And I'd like to think that I can remember those things. My home and my family. I think I remember the bakery pretty well, too. Although sometimes I'd like to think that the Capitol changed some of my memories of District 12."

I opened my eyes and rolled over to stare at him. _Is this kid completely nuts?_ "Really, Peeta? You don't think they messed around enough with your head?"

Peeta pulled his blanket up to his chin and cautiously lifted his gaze to meet mine.

"I can remember my brothers. And my father, I think. But I'm hoping that my memories of my mother are wrong. But Dr. Lewis says... she says that they're not wrong. Those memories are real. They're real."

"Weren't you close to your mother?" I asked, thinking of my own mother and her unconditional love. _I hope she never has to know what I'm going through with the blood poisoning. I hope she always believes that I'm safe with Beetee, working for the rebellion._

Peeta did not reply.

"Peeta?" I asked after a few minutes of silence. "Are you still awake?"

I listened carefully to try to pick up the rhythm of his breathing. Instead, I caught the sound of soft, muffled sobbing.

"Hey," I whispered, "What's wrong?"

"I miss them, Gale. Even my mother. She meant well, I know she did. I made so many mistakes. I couldn't be perfect for her, and she deserved a better son. And even if she didn't love me then, she would have, someday. I would have given her a reason to love me, I would have found a way-"

"Peeta. Stop."

"I'm so sorry, Gale, I just know that if-"

"Peeta. Hush."

He was silent.

"Look. I don't know what went on between you and your mother. I never really knew your family. But you've got to let those memories go. It's okay to move on."

"To what, Gale? They were all that I had."

_You had Katniss, _I almost told him.

"You have people here who care about you. Haymitch and Dr. Lewis and Prim."

"My memories of my mother must be wrong," Peeta continued as though he hadn't heard me. "Dr. Lewis didn't know my mother. She must be wrong about her. My mother was a kind woman. She loved me."

I sighed. _There's no talking sense into this kid tonight._

"If that's what helps you sleep at night, Peeta... to believe that those memories aren't real... then maybe, just this time around, that's okay."

* * *

**Thank you so much for reading! I've been so thrilled with all of the support from the wonderful fanfiction community. I hope this chapter lived up to your expectations! Please leave a review to say hello and let me know what you think of the story so far-I really do value everyone's input and your comments make my day. And don't forget to follow _Gale's Amaranth _for the many updates yet to come! Thanks again for reading and have a peaceful Friday!**


	31. Chapter 31

**Chapter 31**

"I know you know it! Wake up!"

I woke from a sound sleep to find that I was being shaken violently by a pair of strong hands. The pain in my shoulder was blinding.

"Don't just lie there! I need the combination right now!"

"Peeta?" I tried to twist out of his grip, but was too weak to fight the crazed figure leaning over me.

"I'll kill you too, I swear it! Tell me the combination!"

"Peeta, let me go!" I gasped, struggling to orient myself. "I don't know what you're talking about!"

"The combination to the door," he growled, wielding a thin, shiny metal object. _A scalpel? Where did he find that?_

"Peeta, we have to stay here in the morning," I explained slowly, hoping that he would put the scalpel down if I kept calm.

"Not you! You know how to get out and I need you to tell me right now." He pressed the flat part of the scalpel blade against my throat. The cold metal against my skin made me gag with terror.

"Okay, okay, just put the scalpel down," I pleaded. _I can't give him that combination. If he leaves this room, there's no telling what he will do._

Peeta pocked the scalpel and then yanked me up into a sitting position by my shirt collar.

"Well?" he demanded.

"Can you tell me why you want to leave? Maybe we can go together."

"No, I have to finish her off myself! The combination, you promised! Or I _will_- "

_Katniss. If he gets out of here, he's going to attack Katniss!_

"Peeta, no!"

I summoned up every drop of strength I had left and flung Peeta off of me. He stumbled backwards on his prosthetic foot and crashed into my IV stand. The morphling needle was wrenched from my arm and clattered shrilly against the floor.

Peeta glared at me with a scathing expression of betrayal. He tried to push himself to his feet but was shaking so badly that he collapsed back onto the floor. Breathing heavily, he dragged his uncooperative body over to the door. I watched, frozen, as he began to pound on the door with his fists.

"Let me out! Someone let me out!"

"Peeta," I whispered, but my voice was drowned out by his screaming.

"There's no telling what she'll do! We're not safe here! Let me out, you can't keep me locked up in here forever!"

He sank down onto the floor and curled into the fetal position with one arm reaching for the door. He clawed at the metal with his fingertips, as if he might scratch his way to freedom. Sobs wracked his body and his chest heaved with every moan. "You can't keep me... locked in here... forever..."

I reached for the red button on the wall beside my bed.

"Peeta, I'm going to call for help," I assured him. He didn't seem to hear.

"I just... want to be... me..." he whispered between sobs.

I hit the button.

"Nurse's station, Prim speaking."

"Prim, it's Gale. Peeta is having a relapse."

"We'll be there in thirty seconds." The line clicked off.

The room began to spin. I tried to steady myself against the bed but I couldn't find the mattress with my fingertips. The color faded from the room and I began gasping for air. Then the room gave a violent twist and I vomited... onto the floor? The ceiling? Black spots, everywhere, but my eyes were wide, and then everything went black...

* * *

**Thank you so much for reading! Please leave a review to let me know what you think of the story so far. I really appreciate the time that everyone has taken to follow along and share their thoughts! Your feedback makes my day. Have a wonderful weekend!**


	32. Chapter 32

**Chapter 32**

_My name is Gale Hawthorne. I'm 19 years old. I grew up in the Seam of District 12. But now I live in District 13. I have a mother and my younger siblings. I'm in love with Katniss Everdeen. I want to lead the rebellion movement. I want to keep Katniss safe. I'm sick with blood poisoning, from an injury I got when I rescued Peeta from the Capitol. _

_I'm in the hospital. I'm sharing a room with Peeta. I think it was last night that he tried to kill me. He wanted me to let him out of our room. He wanted to hurt Katniss. He was curled up on the floor, sobbing and clawing at the door. I called Prim. I... passed out? I must have passed out._

_But there's no pain now. I'm waking up, there's a light on in the room. There's white, everywhere. I'm opening my eyes, I'm sitting up. Oh, God, I'm sitting up!_

"Gale, take it slow there!" My vision clears and I see Dr. Lewis walking quickly toward me. Prim follows her closely and takes a seat behind me on the edge of my bed. She places her hands gently but firmly against my back to support me, but I don't need her assistance.

"I've got this, Prim," I assured her. "I think I could even stand if I tried."

"It's working," Prim said excitedly. "He's so much stronger already!"

I pushed the blankets off of my legs and slowly lowered them off the side of my bed to the floor. My feet planted themselves firmly against the cold tile. Prim kept her hands on my back to spot me as I slowly stood up.

"Prim..." I began, searching for the words I needed. "This is amazing."

She laughed brightly and Dr. Lewis cracked a smile.

"It was Prim's amaranth," Dr. Lewis explained. "She managed to get ahold of the plant. We had to force-feed you the flowers. You've been delusional for several days now, slipping in and out of reality ever since that night when Peeta..."

Dr. Lewis trailed off and glanced over to the far side of my room. Peeta was strapped down to a cot with an IV inserted at the crook of his right elbow.

"Is he sleeping?" she asked Prim softly.

Prim nodded, but held a finger to her lips to quiet us.

"Can you start from the beginning?" I asked, staring at Peeta. Even in sleep, his brow was furrowed and he was trembling slightly.

"I can explain," Prim offered, and Dr. Lewis nodded permission.

Prim motioned for me to sit on the edge of my bed and then joined me there.

"You called me in the middle of the night when Peeta was having a relapse earlier this week. By the time I was able to get here with the emergency team, you had passed out. Which was no surprise since your morphling needle had somehow come loose from your arm and was lying on the floor. The team sedated and restrained Peeta... he's been kept on that cot pretty much 24-7 ever since. We considered moving him back to his room to give you both some privacy but thought he'd be more afraid if he woke up alone from his sedation. Plus, it's been easier for Dr. Lewis and I to keep tabs on you both with Peeta in your room. You both have needed round-the-clock care."

"Was it a serious relapse?" I asked, eyeing Peeta cautiously.

"We don't know yet," Prim replied softly. "After the night when you called us in, he woke up in the afternoon for a few hours and just cried. Delly and Haymitch visited and tried to comfort him, but he was inconsolable. Just wanted to be left alone to grieve. He slept fitfully through the night but woke up naturally the next morning and let us feed him. He's slept most of the time since then. Wakes up occasionally to ask where he is. He's disoriented, at the very least."

I nodded and Prim continued with her summary of events.

"You were having trouble breathing for yourself, so we hooked you up to life support. I contacted Plutarch-"

"Plutarch Heavensbee?"

"Yes. He loves a show, Gale. He just wants to be in the thick of the action, so that if there's a story, he can tuck it away. You're Katniss's cousin..."

_She told Plutarch that I was on death's door? But what if he-_

"Did he tell her?"

"No, Gale," Prim reassured me. "Katniss has no idea about your condition. But yesterday, she and Annie went to District 12 to find clothes for the wedding."

"Annie and Finnick, right?"

"Right. And you'll be expected to go, but that's a matter for later discussion. The point is, Plutarch let me come along on the hovercraft in secret. He's the mastermind of the wedding footage, so clothing and therefore the District 12 trip fell into his domain. While Katniss and Annie were sorting through her dresses from the Victory Tour, I managed to find the amaranth plant in the woods where you and Katniss used to hunt. Dr. Lewis fed you some of the flowers, and it wasn't long before we could take you off of life-support. You woke up naturally this morning."

"Prim... I don't know what to say... thank you. You saved my life. You both did," I said, looking up at Dr. Lewis, who put her hand on my shoulder.

"We're hoping that you will make a full recovery," she said.

Suddenly, a fear seized me so strongly that I gripped Prim's hand for stability.

"What's wrong, Gale?"

"Katniss!"

"Katniss is fine," Prim assured me, but I shook my head frantically.

"But I've been here for days, Prim! I've forgotten to cover for myself. She's going to ask so many questions."

Prim carefully withdrew her hand from mine and placed her hand on my back. She rubbed my tense muscles lightly, forcing me to relax.

"Gale, I know this might be hard for you to hear, but Katniss has got a lot going on right now. Her Mockingjay duties keep her busy, and this wedding has created a lot of work for her."

"So you're saying... that she hasn't noticed?" Relief washed over me, but I still felt the sting.

"I'm sure she'll be thrilled to see you at the wedding," Prim hedged. But I shook my head. _The wedding. With Plutarch's camera running at all times. Curious for footage of the mysterious "cousin" whose life he helped save._

"No, she's definitely just using you," Peeta whispered gruffly from across the room. "She doesn't care about you, Gale. She'd be just as happy to see you dead. To see all of us dead."

Prim leapt to her feet and glanced nervously at Dr. Lewis. The doctor calmly took a step toward Peeta.

"How are you feeling, Mr. Mellark?" she asked kindly, taking another step in his direction.

Peeta was breathing heavily, his chest heaving against its restraint. But his trembling had ceased, and he stared coldly back at Dr. Lewis. The glint of something shiny in his hand caught my eye.

"Prim, Dr. Lewis, he's got the scalpel!"

* * *

**Thank you so much for reading! I'm so grateful to everyone who has taken the time to share their feedback. Please take a moment to let me know what you thought of the chapter and the story so far- I really appreciate all of your encouragement and constructive criticism. Don't forget to follow _Gale's Amaranth_ for the many, many updates still yet to come! Have a lovely Friday and thanks again!**


	33. Chapter 33

**Chapter 33: Promises**

"Peeta, put the scalpel down," Prim ordered with quiet confidence.

He laughed softly beneath his breath. "It's not like I can do much with it, Prim. You've all got me strapped down pretty well here."

Dr. Lewis took a cautious step toward Peeta.

"Don't touch me," he warned. "I'm not the enemy here."

"Neither are we," said Prim as she also stepped closer to his bed.

_I made a promise to Katniss a long time ago that I would keep her sister safe. And I don't ever break my promises._

"Prim, wait," I said, walking slowly up behind her. My legs were weak and unsteady, but I made sure each foot was planted firmly on the ground before taking another step. "I can't let you get hurt. I'll get it from him."

Prim pressed her small hands against my chest and tried to guide me backwards toward my bed, but I refused to move.

"Please, Prim," I whispered. "I could never forgive myself if something happened to you. He won't hurt me."

Prim nodded reluctantly and let me walk over to Peeta's bedside. He watched me with wide, stormy eyes as I knelt down next to him. For a moment, his hijacked expression reminded me of the Seam eyes that I knew so well. Beneath a wall of courage and resistance was a sea of fear.

"I'm not going to hurt you," I reminded him as I reached for the scalpel. "We're friends. And I forgive you for trying to hurt me with this," I said softly as I slid the scalpel from the fingers of his restrained hand. He tried to grip the blade more tightly, but the restraint on his wrist held fast. "I'm so sorry that this happened to you," I whispered so that only Peeta could hear. "I should have remembered that you put the scalpel in your pocket the other night. I should have done a better job of helping to protect you from yourself. I know that you're probably scared, and maybe holding onto this makes you feel a little safer. But fighting us is not going to keep you safe. It's the Capitol we have to take down, not Katniss, and certainly not Prim or Dr. Lewis."

Peeta bit his lower lip and closed his eyes. He clenched his hands open and closed as if fighting for control. I handed the scalpel to Dr. Lewis, who motioned for me to follow her into the hallway. I tried to smile at Peeta before turning away, but succeeded only in grimacing.

"You've got to be careful not to mention Katniss in front of him," Dr. Lewis told me after she closed the door behind us.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to set him off again."

"To be honest, we're running out of therapy ideas for him," Dr. Lewis confessed sadly.

"The morphling isn't enough?"

"No. We've got to get him back into normal society somehow. He has to learn to face his fears about Katniss in a day-to-day setting. But when he's like this... we can't just unleash him on District 13. He gets into enough trouble while he's locked in a hospital room."

"Look, Dr. Lewis... I realize that Peeta's having a hard time, and I'm as concerned about him as anyone else... but right now, I really just need to get out of here. I need to see Katniss. I can't stay cooped up in that room with Peeta. He needs help, but I need the girl I love."

Dr. Lewis looked thoughtfully at me.

"There's no keeping you down, is there?"

"Not when it comes to Katniss," I grinned.

"Okay. We'll discharge you during the day again. Prim will help you find some fresh clothes and get your schedule on your arm. How does that sound?"

"It sounds great."

"You'll need to be back after dinner for your medications," Dr. Lewis reminded me.

"I will."

"Then for heaven's sake, get out of here!" she laughed, and hugged me as though I were her own.

Prim brought me fresh clothes, this time a standard District 13 uniform rather than the pajamas that I'd been wearing for days. Before leaving me to change, she helped me print a schedule onto my arm bearing lunch and dinner times. As soon as she was gone, I stripped down to my underwear and began pulling on the fresh clothes as fast as I could. Peeta watched me shamelessly, a sarcastic grin spreading across his face.

"In a hurry, Hawthorne?"

"Yes," I said, glad to see Peeta cheering up.

"Where are you going?"

"Lunch. I'll be back later tonight."

"Wouldn't want to miss our sleepover, huh? You never know what crazy thing I'll try next."

"Hey. Stop thinking that way."

Peeta stretched his restrained limbs as much as he could and settled back into his cot.

"It's true, you know. One minute, I'm insane. The next, I'm just humiliated to be here. Anyways, don't forget about your old friend here when you're out saving Panem."

I buttoned my shirt as quickly as I could and ran my fingers through my hair to straighten out my bed-head.

"We're going to get you out of here," I assured him. "I know things are tough for you right now. And frankly, I'm sick of seeing you strapped down all day."

"Mm-hmm."

"You don't believe me, do you?"

"No."

"Peeta, listen to me. Someday, we're going to fight the Capitol side-by-side. We're going to avenge what they did to you. And then you'll have the most amazing future. Beyond your wildest dreams. I promise. Just keep working on getting better, okay?"

"Okay," he whispered.

Maybe it was the euphoria of getting to see Katniss that led me to make that promise to Peeta, the force of the love burning within me for the Seam girl I missed so terribly destroying my sense of reality. Maybe I just felt sorry for him, and wanted to give him some shred of hope to hold onto, regardless of whether it was true. Or maybe, somewhere deep down in the recesses of my scarred heart, I had made room for the baker's son. Under different circumstances, perhaps we really could have saved Panem together. We could have taken down President Snow and led the districts into a peaceful new era as the best of friends. But in that moment, as my heart yearned for Katniss with a roaring fire, I dropped my guard of reason and promised a future to a boy who didn't even know if he'd be allowed to feed himself his next meal. It was the promise that would cost me everything.

* * *

**Thank you so much for reading! _Gale's Amaranth_ seems to smash its readership records every day, and I'm so grateful to everyone who has been following the story. Please take a moment out of your busy days to leave a review and let me know what you think of the chapter and the story so far- it will make my day. And for those of you who have been waiting for Katniss to return, your patience is about to pay off! Best wishes to all of my readers and thanks again!**


	34. Chapter 34

**Chapter 34**

Her beauty took my breath away.

There she was, sitting with Finnick, Annie, and Haymitch across the dining hall. Her slender face was framed by thick brown hair, pulled back into a long braid that hung down her right shoulder. When she smiled, her Seam eyes sparkled. And her soft, pink lips, guiding the silver tones of her voice out into the world... I longed to hear her.

A District 13 citizen coughed politely behind me, reminding me to move along in the food line. I took a bowl, scanned my forearm, and waited as a machine filled it to the brim with stew. I added a glass of water and a spoon to my tray and headed over to join Katniss at her table. My heart pounded violently in my chest, threatening to tear out of my ribcage to meet her.

_Slow down, Gale. You can't let her see how thrilled you are to see her. You have to pretend like everything is normal, like you've been around all week. You can't let her sniff out your weakness. You have to be strong, For Katniss. Just a few more steps..._

"Hey, Katniss. Finnick, Annie. Haymitch," I added, glancing nervously at Katniss's mentor. He shot me a brief, knowing look. _Yeah. I know, Haymitch. You saw me struggling to make it on life support when you visited Peeta earlier this week. But I'm back. I'm a survivor._

"Gale," Katniss acknowledged casually, motioning for me to take the empty seat to her left. Haymitch was already sitting to her right, and Finnick and Annie had taken the opposite side of the table. I slid into the empty seat, resisting the temptation to move in close to her.

"How have you... how have you been?" I asked her, doing my best to keep my voice even. _How did I take all of those days in the woods for granted? How could I have ever spent a moment with this girl without realizing that I was the luckiest boy alive just to be in her presence?__  
_

"Fine, I guess. Lots of Mockingjay duties," she said as she rolled her eyes.

"Hey now, quit your griping! We should be celebrating, since I get to marry the love of my life next week," Finnick chastised, smiling. He wrapped his arm around Annie and pulled her close. She smiled shyly and rested her head on his shoulder.

Katniss grinned. "I know. And I'm so happy for you two. I just wish that I could be there as myself, not as some made-up television hero."

"We're thrilled just to have you coming at all," Annie said softly.

"It'll be good for District 12 to see some fun," Haymitch muttered. "Especially since District 13 insists on keeping everything dry."

"Right, Haymitch," Katniss retorted sarcastically, "this whole thing is really just to compensate for your having to be sober." I couldn't help but be surprised by the casual manner she took on with her mentor. _Shouldn't that relationship be a more serious one? _Haymitch intimidated me with his dark, wild self-confidence._  
_

But Finnick laughed, and Haymitch rolled his eyes. He picked at his stew, tossing pieces of potato from the left side to the right, where they piled up in a soggy heap along the edge of the bowl.

"And they don't even feed us here," he complained.

"Hey, now. For a Seam kid, that's a lot of food," Katniss shot back.

"Take it easy, sweetheart. You want to talk about what a lot of food is? Take a gander at Hawthorne's tray."

Finnick, Annie, and Katniss glanced over at my full bowl. Katniss raised her eyebrows.

"Are you on some kind of special training diet?" she asked.

"Not to my knowledge," I said. "Maybe my schedule just scanned wrong today or something."

_Food is dispensed in District 13 according to each person's physical condition. I must be on larger rations because I've been hospitalized._

"That's a good bet," Haymitch jumped in, as if realizing his slip. "Stupid stew machine."

"You're all skin-and-bones, though," Katniss said, examining my emaciated body with only a thin layer of concern in her voice. _But that's okay. Even a walking corpse couldn't scare Katniss after all she saw while growing up in the Seam. _"Not quite as bad as when I've seen you starving in District 12, but not so healthy, either."

"Maybe it's all of the time he's spending underground with Beetee," Finnick offered. "A little sun would do you good, kid."

I willed Finnick my mute thanks.

"Well, eat up," Katniss said good-naturedly. She nudged me with her shoulder, just like she used to after I missed an easy shot in the woods. My entire body shivered with joy at her touch, but I froze cold in my seat when she gathered her dishes on her tray and stood to leave. "I'm off for more Mockingjay prep. I'll see you all later."

I had no choice but to casually bid Katniss good-bye. And just like that, she was leaving me behind, weaving between the long dining tables, her hourglass figure swaying gently as she walked with her light, hunter's step.

"That was close," Haymitch grumbled as soon as Katniss left the dining room. I scooted over into Katniss's abandoned seat, inhaling the scent of her hair that lingered in the air. "I'm sorry, kid. I almost gave you away there."

"Don't worry about it," I said, picking at my stew.

"Seriously, though. You've got to eat that," said Haymitch.

I shoveled a few spoonfuls into my mouth and swallowed quickly without tasting anything. Haymitch nodded his approval.

"How's Peeta?" he asked.

"Not so good," I replied honestly. "He tried to pull a scalpel on us this morning, but his wrists were restrained so the most he could do was to slip it out of his pocket. When he's not violent, he's scared and ashamed. Dr. Lewis says they're running out of therapy ideas for him. I think he's afraid that he'll spend the rest of his life strapped down to that bed, banned from society."

Haymitch snorted. "A scalpel? Sounds like something Katniss would try. When she woke up after her rescue from the arena, she thought she'd take on the Capitol with a syringe."

Finnick raised his eyebrows at Haymitch and I tried to shoot him a disgusted look for making light of Peeta's situation, but our stern expressions collapsed into grins. It was hard not to smile at the thought of Katniss wandering around District 13 in her hospital gown, wielding a syringe and ready to take down President Snow. The image reminded me of the little girl who had met me in the woods that first day with her father's bow and arrows.

"I'm sorry," Haymitch said. "I'd just rather laugh than cry about what that poor kid is going through. A little light's the next best thing if a drink's not on the agenda for today."

"Have you been spending time with him?" Finnick asked, his face tense with concern.

"I've been recovering from blood poisoning in the hospital. We're roommates right now."

Finnick whistled. "My God," he said under his breath. "You're lucky to be alive, dealing with that in District 13."

"Katniss can't know!" I insisted. "I don't want her to know that I was seriously wounded during Peeta's rescue."

Finnick gave me a piercing stare. I felt as though he could read right through me, into depths of my own heart that even I didn't know existed.

"Well, if you don't want to tell her, then I guess that's your choice," he said after a long pause.

"Thank you."

Finnick sighed. "Peeta is such a good guy. He doesn't deserve this."

"You should visit him," Haymitch suggested to Finnick. "He might like to see another friendly face."

Finnick smiled and kissed Annie's forehead. "You've been worried about him, love. I'll check in on him for you."

"But I want to see him, too," Annie whispered. Finnick gazed into her eyes as though he and Annie were the only two people in the room. He tucked a loose strand of her hair behind her ear and cradled her face with his hand.

"Sweetheart..." he said gently, "Peeta's in a rough way..."

"I know. And I've seen him worse. I want to come."

Finnick bit his lip and then nodded. He pulled his bride-to-be close against his chest as though by holding her, he could shield her from the darkness pouring down on her heart.

"Can we visit him tonight?" Finnick asked.

"I think so. If he's awake."

"Thanks, kid."

"I'll meet you there tonight after dinner if you want. I just need to visit with my family first. Let them know that I'm still alive."

* * *

**Thanks so much for reading! Readership records were smashed again with the last chapter-I'm simply blown away. I really appreciate all of the wonderful members of the fanfiction community who have been taking the time to read and review _Gale's Amaranth. _I hope it's living up to your expectations! Many more updates to follow, so don't forget to add the story to your "Alerts" list. Thank you again- peace!**


	35. Chapter 35

**Chapter 35: Broken Shards**

"Gale! Oh, come here sweetie, it's been so long!" I had barely set foot into my family's compartment later that afternoon before my mother swept me into a hug. Then she pulled back and held me at arm's length in front of her. "I know you're busy working with Beetee down there, hon, but you really do need to pay more attention to your health. You look half-starved!"

"I'm fine, mom," I assured her. "I just got a little bit preoccupied with the rebellion stuff. But I'll take better care of myself from here on out."

She sat me down in a chair and brought me a cup of coffee.

"So tell me everything," she said as she took a seat across from me.

"There's not much to tell," I told her. "It's all rebellion stuff, so I'm not really supposed to share more details than I need to. Beetee and I keep busy. Lots of exciting stuff in the works."

"Gale, I'm so proud of you. Your father would be proud of you."

_My father. Would he be proud of me, lying in a hospital for days because I wasn't strong enough to fight through the pain?_

My mother took my hands in hers, startling me back into the conversation.

"This move to District 13 has been so hard on everyone. But sweetie, I think there is some good in it. I'm so happy to see you working somewhere besides those awful mines."

"The mines were fine."

"Gale, we both know that's not true."

I pulled my hands away and wrapped them around the warm mug of coffee between my knees. I couldn't let my mother sense the crippling dread that seeped through my body whenever the mines came up.

"You were working twelve hours a day, six days a week," she reminded me. "You woke up every morning before dawn and pulled on those filthy clothes and crept out of the house while the rest of us were sleeping. You never talked about your day when you came home in the evening. You wouldn't even tell Katniss what it was like. God only knows what they made you do down there."

"It was fine, mom. It was just a job."

It had fed my family. Every morning, I hustled into the elevator and was carried down into the closest place I knew to Hell on Earth. I pounded away the daylight hours in the dark, coughing and sweating and hating the Capitol with every cell of my being.

It had fed my family. Banishing myself every day to the place where my father died. Where the Capitol murdered him.

He never talked about the mines when he came home, either.

"Honey, if it was just a job, then why are you shaking?"

"Oh... I'm just cold, mom..."

I dropped my mug. Hot coffee splattered across the room, staining the carpet and our clothing.

"Oh!" My mother exclaimed, leaping up from her chair. I scrambled to collect the broken ceramic shards from the floor.

"I'm so sorry-"

"Gale, stop."

"I think there's one more-"

"Gale, stop!"

"I can find it, just a second-"

"Gale!"

I froze and looked up at my mother. She stood above me with her hands on her hips, watching me collect the shards with tears in her eyes. I rose slowly to stand before her, my hands cupped around the broken remnants of the mug.

"Put those down."

I set the pieces down carefully on the coffee table. My mother held out her arms. Like a small child, I collapsed into her embrace.

"You aren't telling me the whole story, Gale. About the mines or about your work here in District 13. I hope someday you'll realize that you don't have to protect me from the truth."

"I can't, mom... I just can't..."

I lost track of how long I let my mother hold me. When I finally pulled away, I caught a glimpse of my brother Rory watching me from the doorway. My mother followed my line of vision and spotted him too.

"Rory..." she began, but he fled from the room.

"He's grown," I observed.

"He misses you. He needs a man around, Gale."

I gazed remorsefully at the empty doorway where Rory had been standing.

"I can't replace my father," I said softly. "I can't be that man for Rory."

My mother bit her lip, likely doing everything in her power to hold back tears.

"He hardly knows you, Gale. You could at least be a brother to him, now that you don't have to feed him anymore."

She was a small woman, with wispy, graying hair and wrinkles around her eyes. No matter how much she ate in District 13, her fingers would always have a worked-to-the-bone pallor about them. For years, she had tucked away the pain of losing my father. But when I looked into her Seam eyes, I saw the pain rising up like magma in an active volcano, burning her up from within.

"Promise me you'll stay safe," she begged me. "With whatever it is that you're doing. It's your choice whether you want to tell me what's hurting you. But please, keep coming back to me. I can't bear to lose the other man I love."

I smiled sadly at my mother.

"You're doing well?" I asked. "Are you comfortable here? Are you getting enough to eat?"

"Oh, Gale... yes. Yes. Don't worry."

"Hey, Rory!" I called toward the doorway. No reply. "Rory?"

Careful, light footsteps. A born hunter's footsteps.

"Yeah?" he asked, stepping back into the doorway.

"What time are you scheduled for dinner tonight?"

"Seven."

"I'm scheduled for seven, too. In fact, I need to get going so that I make it in time. Do you want to come with me?"

Rory glanced nervously at our mother, who nodded her permission.

"Okay. I'll go with you."

"Great."

"Did you want to join us?" I asked my mother. She smiled sadly at me and stooped down to pick up the broken shards from the coffee table.

"No," she said softly. "You two should go together. It will be good for you."

I straightened my back and tried to pull myself back into the role of the man of the house.

"Mom... will you be okay?"

"I'll always be fine," she assured me.

We both knew that it was just another lie.

* * *

**Thank you so much for reading! I've had this crazy urge to pull Rory into this saga, so here goes! Apparently Lionsgate cut his character from _Catching Fire?_ That makes me a little sad... but I'll get over it ;) Time to one-up Lionsgate! Well... maybe.**

**I'm absolutely thrilled that so many people have been reading and reviewing _Gale's Amaranth. _You guys have given me the tremendous gifts of encouragement and constructive criticism, and I'm so grateful for your time.  
**

**I hope that the story is satisfying everyone-so excited to write the many, many, many chapters still yet to come!**

**Peace :)**


	36. Chapter 36

**Chapter 36**

Rory had grown since I had last really taken the time to look at him. He was significantly over six feet tall now, with large hands and thick shoulders. _He would've been strong enough for the mines if he had been old enough for them in District 12_, I realized with a mixture of horror and awe.

"It's been a while," Rory said nervously as we walked toward the dining hall. I shrugged.

"It's been a busy year."

Rory bit his lip, betraying the child in his man's body.

"Yeah."

We walked in silence for a few minutes, uncertain of how to start a conversation. _How am I supposed to switch from the hospital and Katniss to just being an older brother? That's just not me. Maybe it could have been, a few years ago, but that ship has sailed._

"How's school? You do take classes, right?" I prompted, starting with the mundane. Rory grinned gratefully.

"Yeah, I take classes. Most of it is review, except for the District 13 history stuff. They've got a different story about how everything went down than the one the Capitol fed us back home."

"Do you like school?"

"It's all right."

"Are the other kids nice?"

Rory burst out laughing and slapped me on the back. "Geez, Gale, how old do you think I am?" Still unsteady on my feet, I stumbled when a burst of pain rippled out from my shoulder. _I guess that amaranth stuff isn't perfect._

"Sorry, sorry!" I gasped, forcing a smile onto my face as I recovered. A hint of something darker crossed over Rory's face for a moment but vanished as quickly as it had come.

"In answer to your question," he said cheerfully, "the other kids are great. It's mostly all District 12 kids... a couple of my friends from home made it out, and we stick together around here." I raised my eyebrows at the casual familiarity with which he referred to the bombing.

"You remember my friends, right?" Rory asked, perhaps misinterpreting my expression.

"Yes... no?" _I'm definitely failing at this whole older brother routine. He has friends? I was always too busy trying to put food on the table to notice._

"How about my girl? Do you remember her?"

"What?" I blurted, betraying my ignorance. _He has a girl?_

"My girl. Elizabeth."

"No. I'm sorry, Rory. I don't know her," I confessed.

Rory glared at me. "I didn't ask you if you knew her. I asked if you _remembered _her."

The weight of his clarification sank in slowly. _He _had _a girl._

"No, Rory," I said as gently as I could, "I never knew her. I'm so sorry."

Rory lowered his head as we walked onwards. "I'm being hard on you. Like you said, it's been a busy year."

"It's okay."

We paused as we passed a couple of District 13 citizens. When we were within eyesight of the dining hall, Rory stopped as if deciding something, and then motioned for me to follow him into a deserted supply room to our right. He pulled a light switch, illuminating a small closet loaded from floor to ceiling with extra dishes and cooking utensils.

"I need to be honest with you," he said bluntly, motioning for me to sit down with him in the center of the closet. "I never really knew our father. He died when I was what, six? And then you were always gone in the woods with Katniss. You'd always have trading to finish after school. Then Katniss was reaped for the Games, and you were taking care of the Everdeens, too. That, or hiding out in the woods so that you wouldn't have to watch the Games."

"I was pretty absent," I acknowledged, remembering what my mother had told me about how Rory barely knew me.

"Yes. You were. And for the longest time, I didn't understand. I took it for granted that food would always show up eventually. I assumed that if you really cared about us, you'd spend more time at home. That we'd play games after school together with the other kids, that you'd help me with my homework like everyone else's siblings did, that we'd talk about the stuff that brothers are supposed to talk about. Like Elizabeth," he added sadly.

"Rory-" I began, but he silenced me with a glare that took me by surprise. _He's awfully hostile. Maybe it's just the early teen years getting to him? Or maybe he's always like this? I guess I wouldn't know._

"Let me finish, Gale. I didn't understand why you were always gone. And then, one freezing day a few months before the Quarter Quell, I was walking in the square with Elizabeth."

I waited helplessly for the other shoe to drop as Rory gathered his thoughts.

"Gale," he acknowledged when he was ready to continue.

"What?"

"I'm so, so sorry. For all of those years that I doubted you. For doubting you just a few minutes ago. I'm so angry about so much but it's not your fault. Even when you made me run toward the woods when I was frozen there in shock watching Elizabeth burning and I couldn't bear to leave her there to die with the others and you grabbed my shoulder and dragged me away with you and you said there was nothing left to stay for and I knew you were wrong, there was nothing left there for you because Katniss was going to choose Peeta and you hated the mines down the core of your being, and now I understand Gale, I'm not the only one in pain even though I couldn't see it that day when I watched her screaming and writhing in the dirt-"

"Rory, stop! Stop," I pleaded. _He watched his girl burn to death in the District 12 bombing? _I pulled my little brother into a tight hug and stroked his back. But he was still as stone, his Seam eyes blank and dry.

"I watched them tie you to that post," he pressed on. "I watched them rip the shirt off your back. I didn't stop them, Gale. And to this day I don't know whether it was because I was a coward or because I carried a grudge against the hand that fed me. And when Elizabeth saw me watching and asked if I knew you, I lied to her, Gale. I lied. I told her that I had no idea who you were. I disowned you, Gale. And it went so quiet in the square when they whipped you that I could hear you gasping, but I just stood there. Elizabeth took my hand, she wanted to go, it was so awful to watch. But I couldn't move. And when Katniss threw herself between you and the peacekeeper and Peeta cut you free and they carried you away, I was frozen there, staring at the loose ropes hanging from the post and your blood on the ground and the turkey that had been nailed above your head. The turkey that was supposed to be my dinner. And it didn't matter that we didn't eat that night, Gale. I couldn't have eaten if someone had laid every piece of meat in the woods out on our kitchen table."

"I wish you hadn't had to see that."

"I know. Because you never told me about it, Gale. You and Mom kept quiet about it. You didn't want me to know."

"I wanted to protect you from all of that, Rory. It's just like the tesserae. It was pain you didn't need to feel. Although you've clearly suffered more than I realized," I added softly.

Rory shrugged. "I shouldn't have told you all of that."

"It's okay," I assured him. "That's what brothers are there for." _Ah. There we go. That's got a fraternal ring to it._

"I want us to be closer," Rory continued. "I want us to be brothers. We have a chance to start over and I want to take it. I want to know you, Gale. I don't ever want to stumble upon your reality like that day in the square."

I nodded but made no promises. _He's fourteen. He has no idea what kinds of experiences he's asking to share with me. _Instead, I stood to leave and motioned for him to follow.

"Elizabeth. Did you love her?" I asked when my hand was on the doorknob.

"Very much."

I grinned. "I'm sure she wouldn't want you to spend your time feeling sad about what happened. She'd want you to move on with your life. She'd want you to be happy."

Rory hugged me, and at last I caught the trace of a tear rolling down his cheek.

"It's dinnertime, little brother," I reminded him. "Let's start with that."

* * *

**As always, thank you so much for reading! Rory was a character that I was really excited to explore, and I would be so grateful for any feedback that you are willing to provide on how he turned out in this chapter. I hope the story is living up to your expectations-I keep it updated for my wonderful readers :) Sending my best wishes to all of you.**


	37. Chapter 37

**Chapter 37**

I walked Rory back to our family's compartment after dinner. He didn't ask why I didn't want to come in. We'd spent enough time meddling in each others' personal lives for one night. As soon as Rory closed the door, I bolted toward the hospital wing to meet up with Finnick and Annie. I found them waiting for me with Haymitch at the nurse's station.

"Hey kid," Haymitch greeted me. "It didn't feel quite right barging into your little abode here without you, so we waited."

"Thanks Haymitch," I grinned. I was growing accustomed to the mentor's blunt speech and rough sense of humor.

Prim spotted us gathering from down the hall and rushed over to help.

"Are you all here to visit Peeta?" she asked me. I nodded. "And you all want to go in at once?"

"Yes please, if that's all right," Finnick said politely.

Prim nodded curtly. "Okay. Just make sure that you don't crowd him." She led the way over to the room that I shared with Peeta and knocked softly on the door before poking her head inside.

"Are you feeling up for visitors, Peeta?"

He must have given his assent because Prim held the door for us to enter. Haymitch strode over to the chair to Peeta's left, but Finnick and Annie lingered in the doorway. I slipped past Finnick and into the room.

"Prim didn't tell me that all of you were coming," Peeta said uneasily. He was still strapped firmly to his mattress with restraints over his wrists, ankles, and chest. From the tray of dirty dishes on the counter, I gathered that he had just been fed his dinner, and my heart sank. I knew that having to be fed left Peeta feeling vulnerable, and having to face four visitors while fully restrained probably wasn't a very comfortable follow-up. Sure enough, Peeta was shifting his gaze nervously between Haymitch and Finnick, as though the presence of so many men in his room put him on high alert.

"Peeta," I said softly, "do you think you would be okay if I unfastened your restraints?"

Peeta smiled gratefully. "Please do."

Haymitch gently ruffled Peeta's overgrown blonde hair as I unbuckled the straps on his wrists, ankles, and chest. Then Haymitch and I helped Peeta up into a sitting position and tucked his blanket around his waist.

I felt a soft hand on my shoulder and glanced up to find Annie Cresta standing beside me.

"Let me," she said softly. I stepped aside so that she could sit down next to Peeta on the edge of his cot. She snuggled up against him and threw her bony arms around his emaciated shoulders. Peeta smiled weakly and let Annie hold him. "Almost free," she reassured him. "You're almost free. Just be brave, one day at a time."

It was more than I could ever remember her saying at once, and when I saw the tormented expression on Finnick's face, I knew that I wasn't the only one who had recognized the change that had come over her. Finnick pushed past me and knelt down beside Annie to place his right hand on her thigh and his left on the small of her back. He gazed up at his bride-to-be with concerned and sorrowful eyes.

"Annie," he whispered as if trying to keep her grounded. Annie gave him a sad, reassuring smile. "I'm okay," she mouthed silently to him.

Peeta rested his head on Annie's shoulder. "You're right, Annie," he said. "One day at a time. Almost free."

This seemed to make Annie happy. She reached into the pocket of her sweater and pulled out a small sketch pad and two pencils.

"These are for you," she told Peeta as she set the gifts in his lap. "To help you be brave."

Peeta's eyes grew wide as he looked at the gifts. Then he smiled sadly and hugged Annie. "Thank you," he whispered, his words loaded with a weight that I didn't understand.

I shot Finnick a questioning glance. He hesitated before leaning over to explain the significance of the gift to me in a hushed voice. "In the Capitol, Peeta scratched images from District 4 onto the cell walls to comfort my Annie. When the peacekeepers found out, they beat him unconscious and moved him into solitary confinement."

"Peeta," Annie continued on with confidence, "as you might have heard, Finnick and I are getting married. We would be so honored if you would decorate our wedding cake for us."

Peeta beamed. "I'm the one who would be honored," he insisted. "What would you like on it?"

Annie reached up to stroke her thin fingers along Peeta's neck, just behind his left ear. As her fingertips trailed down his skin, I realized that she was tracing a thick, pink scar. Peeta closed his eyes and inhaled a long, ragged breath.

"Annie..." Finnick called her back softly. He took her hands in his and guided them back into her lap, where he warmed them between his palms.

"I can put District 4 images on it," Peeta told her gently. "Annie... no one is going to do... that... to me here."

"That would be perfect, Peeta," Finnick said. "It'll be the highlight of the party."

Peeta grinned. "Thanks, Finnick, but we both know that Annie will be rightfully stealing the show."

It was another hour before Finnick, Annie, and Haymitch left Peeta's side. I could feel the effects of the amaranth wearing off and was grateful when Prim entered and quietly hooked up my IV drip. I sat patiently on the edge of my bed, waiting for the pale pink liquid to cool the rising pain in my back while the visitors made small talk with my roommate. Annie curled up in Finnick's lap with her head resting on his chest, secure in his embrace. Haymitch gradually took over the conversation as Finnick and Annie slipped into the mute comfort of each other's company. Finally, Prim returned and gave the order that it was time for Peeta to get some sleep. Finnick and Annie bid him goodbye, but Haymitch waited by Peeta's side until they had left the room.

"How's your therapy going?" Haymitch asked.

Peeta shrugged. "It's okay. We've taken a bit of a break this week, with everything that's happened..."

"That's to be expected," Haymitch acknowledged. "But you feel comfortable around your doctors? Everyone is treating you right?"

"Yes. I'm as comfortable as possible, I think. The video sessions are really hard. I can usually make it through those now without sedation or restraints, but my mood sinks and I just don't feel like myself. Meeting with the Post Traumatic Stress Disorder therapist is exhausting, but usually feels refreshing a few hours after we meet. We've talked a lot about the first Games so far. I think she's saving our discussions on my imprisonment in the Capitol until the video sessions start get easier for me to handle. Physical therapy is going well, though. My new prosthetic is manageable and I think they're done with surgeries. They want to get me into the Capitol for cosmetic surgery after the war... we'll see about that. I'm not sure if I want it. Snow had them leave my face alone most of the time, so it's not too hard to keep my scars covered.

Haymitch nodded slowly as he processed Peeta's report.

"I'm going to speak with Dr. Lewis about getting a nutritionist on your team as well. I know that they starved you in the Capitol, but you ought to be a little more robust by now. It's this damn District 13 food."

"Haymitch," Prim reminded him from the doorway. He raised his eyebrows at her.

"Sometimes, sweetheart, you're just as stubborn as your big sister."

"He needs sleep, Haymitch."

"All right. If it's best for him, I can't argue with that. Goodnight, kid," he said gently to Peeta, placing his hand reassuringly on Peeta's shoulder for a long moment before standing to leave. "Hawthorne," he acknowledged on his way out of the room.

Prim was about to close the door when Peeta called after her.

"Prim, wait..."

"What is it, Peeta?"

"Can you...?" he gestured to the unused restraints that lay fastened to his mattress.

"I was going to let you sleep without them tonight. You seem to have a pretty firm grasp on reality right now, and you handled your visitors very well."

"I don't want to stay here with Gale if I'm not restrained."

I glanced over at Peeta, surprised. _He hates those restraints._

"Don't give me that look, Gale. I don't want to hurt you."

Prim sighed as she walked over to Peeta's cot and motioned for him to stretch out his legs. She fastened and locked his ankle restraints.

"How's that?"

"I can live with that," Peeta said. "Thank you."

"Call if you need anything," Prim reminded us before leaving. "That goes for both of you now."

"You didn't have to do that to yourself, Peeta," I told him as soon as Prim was gone. "You would have been fine."

"Maybe," he agreed. "But the longer I spend in therapy, the more I realize how broken I am. I'm taking things one day at a time."

* * *

**Thank you so much for reading! The wedding is almost here! Don't forget to follow _Gale's Amaranth_ for the many, many updates still yet to come. And if you would be kind enough to leave your thoughts on the chapter or story as a review on your way out, it would make my day. Thanks again & best wishes!**


	38. Chapter 38

**Chapter 38**

The night before the wedding, I sat up late in the District 13 kitchen with Peeta, under the pretense that I was keeping him company as he put the finishing touches on Annie and Finnick's cake. But my mind had been far away for most of the evening, contriving my imminent meeting with Katniss at the wedding over and over. _Her Seam eyes strike mine from across the room. She cuts across the dance floor, her hair blowing softly behind her. _A guard stood by the door, armed with a taser and sedatives in case Peeta turned violent with the kitchen utensils.

I sat in the corner with my knees tucked up against my chest. Prim had stopped by earlier to give me my medicine. Dr. Lewis had contrived a high-concentration dose of the amaranth drug that I could take via injection twice daily. For the time being, they were keeping me in the hospital for observation. But Dr. Lewis was hopeful that I would be able to move back to my family's compartment soon if I wanted to do so.

Peeta handed me a bowl of leftover pale blue frosting.

"It's good," he assured me when I laughed out loud at the idea of eating the stuff. "Just dip your finger in. Kids do it all the time."

"I can tell you with absolute certainty that no Seam kid has ever done this," I said as I tentatively skimmed my finger along the surface of the frosting. "You're absolutely certain that this is safe to eat?"

"Gale. It's the same frosting that I've just slathered all over the cake. Just try it!"

I licked the frosting from my fingertip. The sweetness exploded on my tongue. "Peeta, this is... I've never..."

He grinned. "I take it that sugar is not a staple in the Seam diet?"

I thought back through my Seam childhood, trying to remember if and when I had ever tasted something so sweet.

"When my sister was born, my father saved up his wages from the mines for a week to buy our family a small cake. It was chocolate, with a cream-colored frosting and pink flowers. My mother was horrified at first, because my father should have been saving every penny he could to feed the extra mouth in our family. But he cut her a slice and held the fork up to her lips for her to take the first bite, and after that she..."

_She kissed him. _I lost myself in the memory of my parents embracing each other, whole in each other's love.

Peeta looked away. A shadow of pain crossed over his face. _He must be thinking about his own parents. He lost both of them, after all_.

"Hey, you'd better help me with this," I said, holding out the bowl towards Peeta. "It's incredible, but I can't eat all of it by myself."

Peeta smiled and shook his head. "No. You have to eat all of it. You haven't been a kid until you've taken care of a whole bowl of frosting by yourself."

As Peeta touched up the seaweed on the cake, I settled into the corner with the bowl of frosting. The hours began to fade together, and I tilted my head back against the wall and nodded off to sleep. I woke to Haymitch's gruff voice from the doorway.

"Is it past your bedtime or something, Hawthorne? Wake up and come out here for a second, I want to talk to you."

"Haymitch, it's so late..." I grumbled as I tried to close my eyes again.

"Put the finger food down and get up," he ordered. "By the way, Peeta, that looks fantastic."

"Thanks, Haymitch," Peeta said as he adjusted his piping bag. "I wish I could be there to see Annie take the first bite tomorrow."

"Trust me, kid. Plutarch will have the whole thing well-documented. I'll make sure you get a copy of the footage."

Peeta grinned. "Plutarch would be in on this whole thing. I'd love to see the footage. To be honest, I'm surprised he's not trying to force me and Katniss to dance or something. I mean, I get that I'm crazy and all that, but I thought he'd still be trying to get a shot of the two of us together."

"Dr. Lewis and I had a little chat with him about that," Haymitch confessed. "We made it... clear... that forcing you and Katniss to be the star-crossed lovers tomorrow night was simply not an option."

Peeta nodded. "Good. I don't know what went through my mind when I agreed to that in the Games, but I'm done with it. If I ever loved her, it's certainly behind me. I still want to see her, though, Haymitch. Just not in public, of course."

Haymitch didn't refuse Peeta's request outright, but appeared uncomfortable nonetheless.

"We'll see about that, kid. I know that you've got a lot on your plate right now," he said to Peeta before beckoning to me again. "Come on, Hawthorne. Let's step outside and have a chat."

I glanced at Peeta, who shrugged. There were dark circles under his eyes from sleep deprivation, but he was considerably cheerful. _Frosting really seems to be his thing. __This is probably one of the happiest nights he's had since his imprisonment. _

Haymitch nodded to the guard as we slipped out of the kitchen and into the deserted hallway. He checked to make sure that the kitchen door was firmly closed before he addressed me.

"Before this wedding tomorrow night, we need to have a talk about how you are going to behave."

I raised my eyebrows, taken aback. _This again? It's not Haymitch's business how I behave, at the wedding or anywhere else._

"Yes, Hawthorne. Listen up, and don't storm off on me this time."

"You're not my mentor. My behavior is none of your business."

Haymitch glared at me. "Do you want Katniss to live through this Mockingjay business?"

"Of course I do!" I exclaimed, horrified that he could ever think otherwise. "I love her! As... as her cousin," I edited to cover my confession.

Haymitch laughed darkly. "This is the problem, Hawthorne," he told me. "You love her. Yes. And the entire District 12 community has known for years. Your neighbors have known that you were crazy about that girl for so long that they probably recognized the chemistry between you two before you did."

"And so what if I love her?" I demanded. "Peeta will _never_ be able to love her, Haymitch. You've been watching him since he arrived in District 13. He's gone, okay? Whatever star-crossed lover scheme you had going is over. He's _broken._"

"You're her _cousin_ and don't you forget it," he growled at me. "This isn't a time for happiness, Hawthorne. It's a time for survival. Coin is the only political protection that Katniss has left, and if you _love_ that girl, you'll do whatever it takes to secure her safety."

"She's tougher than you think, Haymitch. She doesn't need Coin. She doesn't need Peeta. She's a fighter."

Haymitch grabbed me by the collar and shoved me up against the wall. He was so close that I could smell the alcohol on his breath. "You think I don't know that? You're forgetting that I've sent her to her death twice already, Hawthorne. While you were frolicking in the coal mines, I watched her prepare to die. It's you who doesn't understand the situation at hand. You don't know the Capitol like I do. You think having to work some long days to feed your family is rough. But you can't _imagine _what it's like to deal with death. The Capitol killed my girl, and if you're not careful, they'll kill yours, too."

I pushed Haymitch back and straightened my collar defiantly. He glared at me and stabbed his finger accusingly at me.

"Her blood is going to be on _your _hands, Hawthorne. And if you have any brains about you, you'll steer clear of her tomorrow night. You'll dress simply and hang by the wall. You'll avoid cameras. You'll be _silent_, do you hear? I don't care if Plutarch decides to drag Peeta in and make it a double wedding tomorrow night. You'll be her supportive, distant cousin, and you'll like it."

Haymitch stormed down the corridor, leaving me alone in the shadows outside of the kitchen. I glared after him, but the gesture was futile. After Haymitch turned the corner, I let myself back into the kitchen, shoving past the guard and back to my spot in the corner. I sank down against the wall and closed my eyes. _"This isn't a time for happiness, Hawthorne. It's a time for survival."_

"Hey... are you okay?" Peeta asked. I ignored him.

_"Her blood is going to be on your hands, Hawthorne."_

"Gale, what's wrong?" I opened my eyes and jerked my arm away when I felt Peeta's touch on my elbow.

"Just finish your cake so that we can go."

I glanced over at the guard, who was watching me curiously from the doorway.

"And you can go," I dismissed him coldly. "The worst thing Peeta could do tonight would be to frost me to death. I'll take him back to our room myself."

The guard moved to leave, but Peeta stopped him at the door.

"Can you leave the sedatives? Just in case?"

The guard sighed and handed Peeta the packet of syringes before slipping out of the room, most likely grateful to be allowed to sleep after a long night. Peeta walked the syringes over to me and set them down on the floor beside my feet.

"I don't want those, Peeta. I just want you to finish up so that we can leave."

_"You'll be her supportive, distant cousin, and you'll like it."_

"I'm finished with the cake," Peeta said. "Just let me finish something else quickly. I'll just be a minute."

I groaned and retreated into my head as Peeta shuffled around the kitchen. _So I'm just supposed to let her go. To keep her safe, she has to pretend to love a Capitol mutt who can't frost a cake without the possibility of being sedated. Heck, maybe she does love him. She can't be happy without him- that's why I had to rescue him in the first place. But how am I supposed to watch her go on camera tomorrow, pretending to be in love with Peeta when being with her is his worst nightmare? How can I just stand by and let the rebellion suffocate the girl I love?_

"Gale, we can go now," Peeta said softly. "I'm all done."

I pocked the packet of sedatives and stood slowly, leaning against the wall. I couldn't wait to collapse into my mattress and to let the rest of the night slip away beneath a curtain of unconsciousness.

"And these are for you," Peeta said, holding out a small cardboard box. I glanced questioningly at him as I accepted the box and cracked the lid open.

_Cookies?_

"Why?"

Peeta smiled. "Because you've been such a good friend to me tonight, staying up with me while I worked on the cake. Guards make me nervous... it's been nice to have you here. And because it sounds like you've never had one before."

"No," I agreed, uncertainly. _Peeta would have to choose this moment to be kind. _"I've never had one. Thanks," I added as an afterthought. I closed the box. "Let's go."

Peeta and I walked silently back to the hospital. We checked in at the nurse's station, and Peeta turned away while I punched in the code to unlock our door. I set the box of cookies down on my nightstand, untouched, and we both went through the motions of getting ready for bed. The night-shift nurse followed shortly to lock Peeta's ankles down to his cot and to check my vitals. On her way out, she turned the lights all the way off. I didn't bother to turn them up for Peeta, and he didn't ask.

"Look, Gale... Haymitch can be harsh sometimes," Peeta whispered into the darkness. "He was really intimidating to me when I met him before my first Games. But he means well. Even when he rescued Katniss instead of me after the Quarter Quell... his heart was in the right place, or so I've been told. I don't know what he said to you tonight. But beneath the alcohol, he's a very wise man who has been through an awful lot. It never hurts to listen to him."

I remained silent, gazing out into the darkness. _Fine, Haymitch. You want silence? You can have my silence._ _But you can't have Katniss. I won't let you feed her to the mutt._

"I know you're listening, Gale. And it's okay. You don't have to say anything. But tomorrow, I hope you'll eat those cookies. They're good, I promise."

It was a long time before I finally managed to fall asleep. I lay awake, listening to the steady rhythm of Peeta's breathing. And when it turned ragged with terror halfway through the night, I smothered my ears with my pillow to block out the rattling of his cot springs and the clinking of his ankle restraints, which held fast as he trembled against his demons.

* * *

**Thank you so much for reading! This chapter was a beast to turn out. It's the longest one that I've written for _Gale's Amaranth _so far, and as rewarding as it is to write Haymitch, he can be tricky. Plus, my draft deleted itself halfway through... created some extra work, which was totally worth it, of course!**

**Don't forget to add _Gale's Amaranth _to your "Alerts" list for the many updates yet to come. (We're maybe, _maybe_ halfway through?) And if you have a moment, I would be thrilled to read your thoughts on the chapter and the story so far!**

**Peace :)**


	39. Chapter 39

**Chapter 39**

At some point during the night, I must have managed to fall asleep, because I woke to Prim's voice drifting softly over from the doorway.

"Good morning, Peeta, Gale. Rise and shine."

I rubbed my eyes and sat up slowly, then eased my feet over the edge of the bed.

"Morning, Prim..." I murmured as I stood carefully. Peeta groaned from across the room and pushed himself up into a sitting position. He flexed his toes and tugged lightly against his restraints with his feet.

"Let's get you taken care of first," Prim said confidently as she strode over to Peeta's bedside. She unlocked his ankle restraints and helped him find his balance as he climbed out of his cot. "Washroom?"

"Yes, please," Peeta said, yawning.

"Okay. You know where it is. Five minutes," Prim instructed. She gestured at the open door.

"No guard?" Peeta asked, uncertainty captured on his face.

"You'll be fine," Prim said kindly. "You're going to be spending enough time under supervision today, trust me. Go stretch your legs."

Peeta shot Prim a questioning look but didn't ask her to explain. Instead, he walked cautiously to the door. He paused to take a deep breath before proceeding into the hallway and closing the door all but a crack behind him.

"Your turn," Prim said brightly to me. I tried to smile, but my exhaustion was overwhelming.

"Late night," I muttered as I held my arm out for Prim. She swabbed a patch of skin clean on my shoulder and deftly administered a dose of the amaranth drug.

"That should take effect soon," Prim assured me. "And for heaven's sake, get some sleep today. You're expected at the wedding tonight!"

_Right. The wedding. Like I need sleep for that... I'm just going to be standing by the wall, trying to turn invisible so that Haymitch stays off my case... to keep Katniss safe. He was probably right last night. I do need to keep my emotions from getting the better of me._

"These should fit you," Prim said as she set a pile of clothing down in my lap. I held up the top item, a blood-red button-down shirt.

"What are these for?" I asked, examining the small black buttons that ran down the center of the shirt.

"The wedding. Plutarch sent them for you. Unless you had wanted to wear your hospital pajamas?"

"No..."

_Red, huh? That'll pop nicely on camera. Haymitch is going to hate this._

Peeta laughed out loud when he returned five minutes later and saw me still staring at the red shirt and black pants worriedly.

"First time anyone's ever dressed you up, huh?"

I shook my head. "Actually, when you and Katniss were some of the last survivors during your first Games, the Capitol sent a film crew to do interview in District 12. They had everyone clean up a bit for the broadcast."

Prim nodded in agreement. "That was hard."

"Just be glad no one lit you on fire," Peeta said good-naturedly. Prim and I couldn't help but smile.

* * *

I spent the day helping out with the wedding preparations. Haymitch nodded approvingly at me when he saw me helping Finnick lift Plutarch's heavy autumn decorations onto the walls. We swept out a large square space for a dance floor, arranged chairs in neat rows for guests during the ceremony, and even hauled a large table into the back of the dining area for Peeta's cake. It felt good to be allowed to work after being cooped up in the hospital for so long. I knew better now than to take my strength for granted.

When I returned to my hospital room to change before the wedding, I found it empty. I tossed on the dress clothes and sought out Prim at the nurse's station.

"Where's Peeta?" I asked as I haphazardly tucked my shirt in.

Prim bit her lip. "We moved him."

"Is he okay?"

"He's fine. I brought him with me on my rounds all day. But we might... we might let him see Katniss tonight. We brought him back to his old room for the evening, just in case. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go get ready for the wedding myself..." Prim trailed off, but she lingered at the nurse's station, her hand resting lightly on the edge of the counter.

"You look sharp," she said after a long moment. "Red suits you, just like it suits my sister."

"It's our Seam coloring," I said bluntly. "But thank you."

"Go visit him, Gale," Prim whispered, drilling her eyes into mine. "Just for a minute, before you head out for the wedding. He's scared."

Prim turned abruptly and headed down the corridor without another word. I watched her retreating figure for a moment, and then set off automatically in the direction of Peeta's room. I slipped into the neighboring observation room and peered in through the one-way window.

Peeta sat on the edge of his bed, completely still with his elbows on his knees and his head resting in his hands. He was still wearing his simple hospital clothes. _No, there won't be a double wedding tonight. Plutarch would have had him dressed up in some ridiculous Capitol costume by now if that were the plan. _In the corner of the room was an unused but loaded IV stand. A pile of extra restraint straps had been left on the countertop near the door. After a minute, Peeta lifted his head and glanced over at the restraints. He sighed and looked away.

In the glass that separated us, I could make out my reflection just a few inches beside Peeta. Prim was right- red did suit me. My dark hair fell wildly down around my ears, and I realized that I could not remember the last time my mother had cut it. But my eyes, as always, were familiar. They were Katniss's eyes.

I would know those eyes anywhere.

Peeta stood slowly and took four cautious steps toward the window. I held my breath as he reached out to touch the glass, just where the reflection of my leg fell across it on my side. _Does he know that I'm here, watching him? _But if Peeta knew that I was present, he didn't push any closer. Instead, he hung his head, his arm still extended out with his fingertips pressed against the glass. He was a ghost of the baker's son he used to be.

_What does he see, when he looks in the mirror?_

I knelt down and pressed my own hand against the glass, arranging my fingers so that they lay over his. _We're not so different. Just two kids, caught up in the rebellion. Lost and confused. Growing up too fast._

Peeta jumped back when his door opened and Dr. Lewis entered with a tray of food. Without bothering to turn on the speakers to eavesdrop, I watched as Dr. Lewis sat Peeta down on a plastic chair with the tray. He fed himself as she bustled around his room, fussing with his IV stand and the positioning of his bed. Peeta ate slowly, and when he set the tray back down on the counter a few minutes later, his bowl of stew was still at least halfway full. When Dr. Lewis realized that he was finished eating, she motioned for him to walk over to his bed. He followed her orders obediently, but his eyes were full of fear and his hands trembled as he eased himself onto the mattress.

Dr. Lewis smiled sadly at him and patted his shoulder reassuringly. As she fastened a restraint around his right ankle, she seemed to be going through the motions slowly and obviously, as though she were trying to explain the process to him. When she was finished with his right ankle, Peeta leaned over to fasten his left ankle into place without any assistance. Dr. Lewis nodded her approval and allowed Peeta to strap his hips down to the bed as well. Then he lay down and let Dr. Lewis restrain his chest, arms, and wrists.

It was a pathetic, tragic sight.

_I can't visit him now. Not like this. Not when I'm all dressed up for the wedding. Not after watching him give himself up to one of the layers of his personal hell._

And so I left the observation room as quietly as I had come, without another glance at my friend beyond the glass. I held my head high like the soldier that I was and walked bravely down the narrow corridors until they widened at the entrance of the dining room. Banishing Peeta from my mind, I joined the throngs of people pouring in for the wedding.

_There she is, by the wall!_

But the beautiful girl in the red dress did not see me.

* * *

**Thank you so much for reading! Next chapter, the wedding! So don't forget to add _Gale's Amaranth _to your "Alerts" list for the update! And please take a moment to leave a review and let me know what you think of the chapter and the story so far. I really value everyone's feedback, and your thoughts make my day!**

**Peace :)**


	40. Chapter 40

**Chapter 40**

"Finnick, I promise to love you with my whole spirit in this life and the next. I promise to treasure your love more dearly than my life-blood itself. And I promise to keep you safe in my heart from every harm, through every darkness."

"Annie. My love, my life. I promise to hold your hand through every storm. I'll never, ever let go. And when the waves threaten to part us, I promise to love you with a courage fierce enough to survive the strongest seas. My heart is yours, Annie. Entirely yours, only yours, forever."

* * *

Greasy Sae spun me around the room, demanding that I twirl her and step lively through the traditional District 12 dance patterns. It had been impossible to refuse when she dragged me onto the dance floor. Sae had helped to keep me and Katniss alive back home, and I could think of few friends whom I held as dear.

Across the dance floor, Prim was laughing and swaying with her sister. It was odd to see her so young and carefree, when in the hospital she was as solemn as Dr. Lewis, as though she felt she had to carry the entire weight of the world on her shoulders. She wore a sky blue dress with a flowing skirt that swished around her ankles like fresh water trickling down a brook. I caught her eye from across the room, and she beamed at me. _Who would ever think that just this morning, she woke me in the hospital?_

"She's a child, Gale. Way too young for you," Sae teased.

"Sae, no! Prim is Katniss's sister, I would never-"

"I know, Gale, I know," Sae laughed. She tossed her arm over my head, forcing me to duck and spin.

I danced with Sae, then my mother. Even Rory demanded a few minutes of awkward, off-beat swinging. When my sister, Posy, toddled over to me, I scooped her up in my arms and swayed her back and forth in the air. But my attention never left Katniss, who spun absentmindedly around the floor, passed from hands to hands. I wondered if she even realized who she was dancing with, or if she were just going through the motions, waiting to escape the crowds.

A gentle hand tapped my shoulder, and I turned to find Annie standing behind me. She looked radiant in her forest green dress, a pearl-embroidered satin piece with cap sleeves and a long skirt that trailed effortlessly to the floor.

"Annie! You look beautiful," I told her as I took her hands in mine. Finnick nodded his approval from behind his bride and grinned at me. There was a peace in his eyes unlike any that I had ever noticed in him before. I danced slowly with Annie, careful not to tread on her toes or surprise her with any sudden movement. Finally, we danced back toward Finnick. I twirled her carefully and placed her hands back into Finnick's.

"Thank you," I said softly to Finnick, who grinned and kissed Annie's lips so tenderly that I blushed.

"Gale?"

_Katniss._

I spun around to meet her voice and before she could say another word, I wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her close.

"Slow down!" she laughed, resting her arms lightly around my neck. "Although I've been dancing with everyone else, so I should probably give you a few minutes, too."

"How generous," I said sarcastically. "Well, since you've danced with _everyone_, I suppose the rest of the night will simply have to be mine."

I buried my nose in her soft, dark hair and kissed her forehead. She gazed up at me with smiling, empty Seam eyes. _Does she even realize that she's dancing with me? Or am I just another set of arms to her tonight? ...does it matter?_

I steered Katniss into the center of the dance floor. The crowds parted easily around us, two warriors in red letting their cares slip away. I tried not to think about how rapidly I was rising with love, hard with mad desire for the beautiful woman in my arms. I dropped my hands lower down her waist so that I could trace her hips, but I kept her just far enough apart from me so that she wouldn't be able to feel how terribly badly I wanted her. Katniss tilted her face up to mine, her eyes closed. I surrendered all modesty and hugged her close, leaning in to kiss her...

A hush fell over the room and Katniss pulled away from me. Four District 13 citizens wheeled the wedding cake into the room, easing it carefully across the dance floor. Even while immobilized in a hospital room, the boy with the bread had managed to make his entrance.

"Peeta," Katniss whispered under her breath. Without a second glance at me, she took off through the crowd. I watched her red dress vanish into an ocean of white and gray uniforms.

A slap across my face knocked me to the ground.

* * *

**Thank you for reading! I've been looking forward to writing the wedding and I'm really curious to hear your thoughts on the chapter.**

**Peace!**


	41. Chapter 41

**Chapter 41**

I struggled back onto my feet and looked up in surprise at Greasy Sae. She glared at me, her arms crossed over her chest.

"Sae... what was that for?" I asked, massaging the side of my face with my hand.

"You need to leave. Right now."

"Sae, I don't understand-"

She grabbed me by the wrist and hauled me across the dance floor and out of the dining hall. A few wedding guests watched in concern, but as soon as Sae led me out of the room, I heard the chatter increase to its previous roar.

"How dare you?" she demanded. "Hasn't any one explained what's at stake here politically if you go after Katniss? You were supposed to be steering clear of her tonight. How hard is it to get that through your skull?"

"It was just a dance-" I began to defend myself, but Sae cut me off.

"Just a dance? Yes, you danced with her. Right after you danced with Annie. Which means that you had several cameras trained on you when you made your move for Katniss. You couldn't possibly have picked a worse moment."

"But I didn't choose a moment, Sae! I just saw her-"

"I'm disappointed in you, Gale."

That silenced me. Especially since the District 12 bombing, Sae was like family to me.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, although my apology was more to Sae than to the political powers that be.

Sae surprised me by pulling me into her arms like a grandmother might, warmly and gently.

"I know this is a hard time for you. I watched you fall in love with that girl, after all. But this is the time when you have to stay strong, Gale. You're in the spotlight, like it or not. I'm sure that when Katniss was first told to act for the cameras, she wasn't thrilled about it either. But it's a game she learned to play, and it's a game that you at least have to be aware of. So go home, go see your family, get rid of that Capitol shirt, and get some sleep."

Haymitch hurried out of the dining hall, his eyebrows furrowed and his hands clenched into fists. He nearly stormed past when he spotted us in the shadows.

"Sae. Thanks for taking him out. And you," he snarled at me, "what the hell?"

"I told Sae I was sorry."

"Damn right, you'd better be sorry. Clear out. I don't want to see you within a mile of Katniss."

I moved to leave but Sae caught my arm.

"Haymitch," she said gently, "don't you think there's a way to pull some light out of this?"

Haymitch exchanged a long, calculating look with Sae before glancing back at me.

"Yes. Penance."

"Penance?" I asked, not following Haymitch's meaning.

"Katniss has asked to see Peeta tonight. The party could easily go on for a few more hours. Go keep him company. Make sure he keeps himself together."

"Okay," I said hesitantly. _That's penance? To help Peeta stay sane for a couple of hours? That doesn't sound so horrible._

"Not so fast, Hawthorne," Haymitch told me, a malicious smirk creeping onto his face. "There's one more thing."

"What's that?"

"If things don't go well tonight. Between Peeta and Katniss. It's on you."

"What, like if he kills her? He's not really in a position to do that, Haymitch," I said, remembering how I had watched Dr. Lewis strap Peeta down just hours before. _But to Peeta, it probably feels like so much longer than that._

"Haymitch, I don't think it's fair to-" Sae began, but Haymitch interrupted her.

"Not if he kills her, Hawthorne. He has to _love _her. For the cameras. And if you're going to involve yourself any further in this situation, it will be to make sure that their romance is picture-perfect."

I froze.

"I can't do that, Haymitch."

"I can't risk having you running around District 13 like a loose cannon. Either you find a way to help get those two back on track or you're going to find yourself in some very deep water. Don't think I won't have you shipped out or locked up."

"Sae?" I said softly, on the verge of pleading.

"Haymitch, you're being a bit severe," she said slowly. "It's not the boy's responsibility to make things work out between Peeta and Katniss. But Gale, if you want what's best for Katniss, then you need to help her navigate these trying political times. Go sit with Peeta. Re-ground yourself. Let things work out the way they have to, even if it's not what you want."

Haymitch took a deep breath and shot me one last nasty glance.

"Go to Peeta. You owe Katniss that much. I'll be down with her as soon as the party is over, and he'd better be himself."

* * *

**Thank you so much for reading! It's been a rough couple of weeks, but at least there is solace in words. Not as much time to write these days, but updating all the same for my wonderful readers :) Please follow and review- it will make my night.**

**Best wishes!**


	42. Chapter 42

**Chapter 42**

"It's me, again," I announced as I walked into Peeta's room without knocking.

I took a seat in the corner and pulled my feet up onto the chair, hugging my knees to my chest and staring at the blank opposite wall.

"Look, I don't want to be here right now, okay? But Haymitch and Sae said that I had to come down and sit with you. So just try not to go crazy on me, okay?"

Peeta didn't reply. After a few long minutes, I finally glanced in his direction. He lay completely still with his eyes closed. If I didn't know better, I would have assumed that he was sleeping.

"I'm sorry," I said softly. "You didn't choose this, either."

Peeta sighed. "Did something happen tonight?" he asked without opening his eyes.

"I don't want to talk about it."

Peeta opened his eyes. "You love her," he said bluntly. His words hung in the air, full of accusation.

"Yes," I admitted softly.

"But you're not supposed to love her. You're supposed to back off. I'm supposed to love her."

The disheartened tone in his voice guilted me into walking over to his bedside. I took a seat on the edge of his mattress, next to his prosthetic leg.

"Let's not talk about this, Peeta."

He opened his mouth to speak but a fit of coughing overwhelmed him. I let him cough.

I lost track of how much time passed as I sat at Peeta's side. The beautiful girl in the red dress was no more than a maiden from a crazy dream. In my heart, I was still spinning around the room with her, gazing into her eyes as the fabric of her dress swished about my feet. And then I was pulling her close, wrapping my arms around her waist, her soft, thick hair on my lips as her warm figure melted against my body...

"Gale, what if I say something horrible to her?"

"What?"

"To Katniss. Tonight. What if I hurt her? I don't want to push her away."

I raised my eyebrows at Peeta. "Since when have you cared whether you hurt Katniss?"

"That's not _me, _Gale. Back home. I didn't hurt people. I don't want to hurt her."

"Well then, just don't go mutt on her. It's not complicated, Peeta."

"Maybe not for you."

"I'm sorry," I apologized immediately. "Peeta, I didn't mean it."

Peeta took a deep breath.

"I know. You won't talk about the wedding. I may be crazy, but I'm not stupid. You've had a rough night, too."

_The girl in the red dress, disappearing into the crowd without giving me a backward glance._

"Dr. Lewis says that if I can behave tonight, they'll let me spend more time around people."

_My hands on her hips, her muscles flexing beneath my fingers, her motion breathing mine, but my heart beating for both of us._

Tell me about home, Gale," Peeta pressed. "Give me something to think about. Give us both something else to think about."

_I almost kissed her. I could have kissed her._

"Tell me about the woods. Tell me about hunting. Anything, Gale. Just talk to me."

The blood had drained from Peeta's face, and his eyes were wide and haunted. He gripped his sheets for dear life, clinging to what was real.

_He's going to relapse. Haymitch will kill me._

"Peeta, stay with me. You can do this," I encouraged him. "Hunting is... The woods... oh God, Peeta, I don't know. Katniss is... well, she used to hunt with me, too. To be honest, it's been a long time since I hunted. I started working in the mines after your first Games."

"You worked in the mines?" Peeta whispered. I couldn't tell whether he was actually surprised, or if he was just asking to pull his mind back into reality.

"Yeah."

"I thought Katniss would have given you money to feed your family. But she's a mutt-"

"She wanted to help me, Peeta. But I wouldn't let her."

This seemed to confuse Peeta. The wild look began to fade from his eyes and he gazed up at me questioningly.

"So you liked working in the mines?"

I swallowed. "No, Peeta. I didn't. My father died down there. How could I possibly _like _working in his grave?"

"Then why did you work there?"

It was such a loaded question to me, but in this state, how could Peeta possibly know what implications his question held? His eyes were wide with innocence and suspicion.

"My pride. I'm the man of my household, Peeta. It's my responsibility to support my family, and I won't let anyone else do that for me. And when you're down there, you don't have time to feel. You don't have the energy to hurt, or to ask why you're there, or how much longer. You just work. The agony is when they call off your shift after twelve hours and you realize where you've been and what you've done, and who you're working for."

Peeta gave a small sigh and looked away. He seemed deep in thought, and the hatred in his eyes was replaced by a tortured sorrow.

"I know what it's like to be hungry," he said finally. "I understand. And Katniss... she understands?"

"Yes," I answered immediately. "She knows better than anyone. Don't you remember?"

"No... tell me."_  
_

I took a deep breath. _How could he have forgotten? It's supposed to be the crux of their whole star-crossed-lovers act. But I guess he ought to know._

"She was starving. After her father passed away in the mine accident, she was too young to take out tesserae. She hadn't given hunting a chance quite yet, and I barely knew her at the time. But there's some story about you saving her life with a loaf of bread. She was outside of your family's bakery in the rain and you threw it to her."

Peeta shrugged. "Doesn't sound particularly chivalrous on my part."

I shook my head and grinned. "I know. Tossing a loaf of bread out into the mud seems a little silly. You could've at least walked it over to her. But there's probably more to it than that. Point is, you saved her life, or at least that's what she claims."

_Wait. Yes. There is more._

_His mother beat him._

_He doesn't need to remember that part._

"No," I jumped in quickly. "I have it wrong. That's the whole incident. You absolutely did the right thing. Katniss was the only one who saw, too."

Peeta nodded slowly, digesting the new information. "It's the strangest thing," he said softly, "to think that there are so many stories like this that I can't remember. People have to tell me the simplest things about myself and District 12. I just don't know what memories to trust anymore."

"You can trust me on this memory," I assured him. "She was starving. You threw her the bread. You saved her. Nothing else happened."

"Okay," Peeta said carefully, still mulling over my words. "It still feels like something is missing. But if you say that's the story, then I guess that's the story."

Haymitch stormed into the room without knocking.

"Hawthorne, you can leave now. She's on her way. Don't you dare try to cross paths."

As soon as I stood up, Peeta started to tremble. I paused, wondering if I ought to stay with him for another few minutes.

"Out, Hawthorne," Haymitch reminded me sharply. And then more softly, he assured me, "I'll sit with him."

I turned for the door, but froze as soon as my eyes landed on the Peeta's dinner tray, still perched on the edge of the counter. Glancing back at Haymitch, I said simply, "He hasn't eaten."

I exited the room, but stopped outside the door as it slammed shut behind me. Through the small window at the top of the door, I watched as Haymitch took a blanket from the end of Peeta's bed and spread it gently over the boy's restrained body, tucking it around his chest so that the straps on his arms were still accessible. He assumed my seat at Peeta's side and placed his hand on Peeta's shoulder. He said something to Peeta, who nodded almost imperceptibly. And then he pulled a flask from his pocket and took a long, melancholy drink.

* * *

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